Still My God

Two in one day, I know. crazy!! But I have regularly been checking itunes for a song I have been anticipating. Avalon sang this at the concerts we had back in December. It is a brand new song and it's so powerful, so I encourage you to at least purchase this song on itunes...it's so great and powerful and encouraging. But anyway, these are the lyrics to Still My God by Avalon.

Up and down
Like the tide is moving
In and out
We're in motion and the ocean pulls us under
And even there You're found
You never change
So I will sing...

If I'm standing on a mountain
Or drowning in a sea
If I am filled with hope
Or crying out for mercy
If I'm singing hallelujah
Or scared to make a sound
If I am learning how to walk
Or when I'm falling down
I'm saying You are still my God
Still my God

In a world
Where so much seems uncertain
You remain hope for the strong and broken
No matter where we are
You are never far
And nothing changes who You are

If I'm standing on the mountain
Or drowning in the sea
If I am filled with hope
Or crying out for mercy
If I'm singing hallelujah
Or scared to make a sound
When I am learning how to walk
Or when I'm falling down
I'm saying You are still my God
Jesus, you are still my God

Sometimes I don't know what God is doing. I don't mean that in a "I don't know his plan" way, but sometimes I just don't know why he does things I guess...I don't know why he sent me to that meeting. It was overwhelming. But that meeting and the opportunities God is giving me is making me realize how great he thinks I am. I have suddenly realized that he thinks I can do things I don't think I can do. He has faith in me. How weird is that...and all along we thought it was about our faith being in him... It's just weird to think about. Sure I am being vague... the point is that I still don't see why it's necessary for me to be involved in things that are truly bigger than I am. But maybe God think I am a way bigger deal than I think I am.

During our Valentine's Day date, Tyler and I had to walk over to our friends apartment to return some pans we used to make dinner. On this walk a quote came out of one of our mouths. I think I said it, I don't really know. But we were talking about our presents for each other (which we made ourselves...) and this was said: "It's funny how different things look to the creator". We both kind of took a pause because while it was not any deep conversation, a deeper thought bubbled in both our heads.

The way I view myself is probably very different from God's view of me...and before I started this Bible Study I have been doing, I don't think I ever really considered how God views me... but I think I get it a little better now. He wants me to be involved with a group of women in their 30's, 40's, 50's and 60's. He wants me to help with a retreat about something I am still on the opposite side of. He want me to be involved with influencing these girls with the story of Esther, and frankly, I am just not qualified! But God doesn't look at me and see a girl that is 19, not married, and still in the middle of my story rather than having my life figured out and without a set story that I let God write for my life. I don't like how skewed the view of myself is. I don't like that there are so many influences that make us think that something about ourselves is bad when God only sees it as good.

Lately I have become way more uncomfortable in this world than I have ever been before. It might be uncomfortable, but knowing that I am coming in to who I need to be and who God intended me to be is not something I would give up for a comfortable life.

Taken

Last night I saw the movie "Taken". If you don't know what it is about, the basic premise is this. A retired FBI agent is trying to build a better relationship with his 17 year old daughter who lives with her mom and very rich step-dad. His daughter comes to him because she has to have both parents sign off to get a passport so she can spend the summer in France with a friend... the short way to it, she and her friend get tricked and are sold into human trafficking. The whole movie is about his search and rescue for his daugther.

As I watched certain scenes that showed exactly what the girls would go through as far as being forced to use drugs and eventually lose all awareness of the people around them... I couldn't believe what I had signed up for. So I am supposed to go and be with girls that have been through the real thing? How am I supposed to have anything to say to them that could possibly help them in any way? I was talking with my manager at New York and Company this morning about this. She said that God will prepare me. As I thought more and more about this, I was greatly comforted that He knows how to prepare me and I don't have to figure out myself... because I would never know how to prepare myself. In four months I am going to be in contact with girls that have lived this story out...well, kind of.

The difference between this movie and the real thing is that in most cases, at least in Cambodia, the girls are sold by their fathers, or loved ones. This movie depicted something else... It showed how amazing this father's love was for his daughter who he barely even knew. But in the real stories, the father is the one selling. They don't have fathers saving them straight from the brothel. Complete strangers are saving them. How rough is that?

So exactly four months from today I will board a plane to fly to Los Angeles to meet my team and then fly to Cambodia the very next day. I didn't think I'd ever be doing anything like this... but here I am.

Well the semester has begun! This excites me a lot...mostly because I am ready to get this semester done and have summer again...only for the warm weather. If it would just warm up I would handle going to class a lot better... oh well. That is life.

I have a very good semester as far as classes go. I think it will be the best yet. I am in a women's preaching class (okay, I am NOT excited about that) Philosophy, Intro to Counseling, Issues in Interpretation, and Ministering to Women in Crisis...each of which have proven to be good so far. Not to mention the week I spent in Creation Science. I can't say that I miss sitting in that class for 7 hours.

Some exciting things happen at the end of this semester. It's hard not to just look forward to that and forget about now. My roommate will be getting married, for once I will live in Joplin for awhile and NOT be in school, I will go to Cambodia, spend time with my parents in Florida, and move back home again (maybe even for the last time). I am really excited about each of these things. Not to mention scared...just for Cambodia.

First of all, how do you raise $2700 in this economic crisis. I almost feel bad asking people to support me beyond prayers, but then I remember the girls who are living in Cambodia and have been sold to do horrific work all so someone else can have the money and I quickly remember how it is okay for me to ask people to give during this time so I can go and help show these girls the hope they can only find in Christ. It's all worth it to feel a little awkward. It's worth it to eat asian food for two weeks (incase you don't know me very well, I am super picky..and don't like ehtnic foods AT ALL...this is a big stretch). It's worth it to give up two weeks that I could be working and saving money for school, knowing that my time is going to girls who once thought they were only worth what someone could pay for them to have sex... That's worth it. I am so excited about this trip. I don't take risks, I don't put myself in situations that I don't know exactly how the outcome looks... I just don't. But that's a way I have been changing over the past few months.

This semester is going to be good. This coming summer is going to be good. Tomorrow will be good. I can't forget to look at now while I plan for the future.

So many things are really great in life. This school year has been the best yet.

Maybe I should blog or something.

This Christmas break has been interesting. Completely opposite from last break. Joel gone this year, Lydia and James here this year...Gracie here. But mostly things have just been different with how I have used my time.

What did my time go to last Christmas break? It went to some time in Stillwater with a bunch of people I don't EVER hang out with anymore (not a lot of time with the boyfriend), and it went to hanging out with Whitney and Erika. 

What have I done this break? I went to Stillwater and spent five straight days with Tyler and his family. Five days might not seem like a lot but that is the longest I have ever spent with his family. It was a blast. I loved being there for five days so by the second day I didn't necessarily feel as much like a guest but more like a family member, so the next few days were enjoyable. It was nice not leaving right after I got there. I got to spend some time with his mom's entire side of the family as well, that was fun. It's fun to see where she comes from.

What else have I done? I have worked. I have relaxed. I have hung with my family. I haven't worked a ton, but it's been enough. I have had a good balance of waking up to work at 8 and being able to sleep in some days too. I have also spent more time hanging out with my family than I probably did last year. It's been great having Lydia and James just living down the road from here... I don't miss driving to Oologah just to hang out with my sister. PLUS, the addition of Hadlee to the Summers' family is wonderful. Hadlee is the cutest and funniest dog I have ever met.

Another difference is being away from Tyler for this month was better and easier than last year. I don't know what it is... but it's just easier to be a part right now. Not in a bad way at all =) I think last year was weird cause we started dating RIGHT before break, so we spent our first month apart. Plus we are really only going about 2 full weeks without seeing each other every day. So it's just been better. 

Life is different from a year ago. I have no idea what this year holds, hopefully some exciting things, hopefully great things. But you never know! 

Happy New Year to all!

Random Kindness

A little over a year ago, December 11th, 2007 to be exact, was the victim of some random kindess. I was reminded of this story today, and while it is not a huge and eventful story, it is one that I hold dear in my heart.

It was Tuesday. On Monday we were told that our finals were canceled due to having no power at the school and we could go home. So we spent the night in Joplin on Monday, as we found out too late to travel back that night. Tuesday we went back to the dorms and packed our things. Tyler and I were going to travel together since the roads were a little sketchy because of the ice storm. I was in a bit of a bind. My bank card had not been working, and I talked to my mom and hers hadn't either-we assumed because of the storm... And I had about 8 dollars in quarters. I knew I would have to have 3.50 for the toll road home, I usually liked to travel with a drink, and I still needed some gas. I probably had enough to make it home, but I couldn't risk it. Luckily, I received a gift card to Starbucks on Sunday night for helping with Children's Choir at church...so I headed to Starbucks so I could have a drink, but also to charge my phone which was dying. I heard they had power strips out because of the power outages. So I got to Starbucks..sure enough there were about a billion people there...with laptops and phones charging. I found a place to sit and charge until Tyler was ready.

I had my phone plugged in but wanted to check in with my mom. So I called her and explained where I was and how my bank card wasn't working still and I only had 8 dollars to get some (expensive) gas, plus pay for the toll. At this point I was just not comfortable driving home with my three dollars and fifty cents in quarters and very little gas..I knew I could ask Tyler for money if necessary but I didn't want to do that.

So I hung up the phone and just waited for Tyler's call to say we could leave. I was slightly crying and just not knowing what to do really when this couple got my attention. They struck up a conversation asking if I was without power and I explained that I am a student at Ozark and we hadn't had power since Sunday morning, so they canceled finals and we could go home. Then they said something like this "Well, we overheard your conversation. We hate to see you struggling like this, so we would just like to help you out in this time." After this, they handed me $20 and went on their way.

I always assumed that in times when people would just offer money that I would politely reject it. But in this moment I had no other option but to be grateful and take it. As soon as I took it I headed to the gas station, put some gas in, and then kept $10 for the road so I could travel comfortably with some cash as well.

I didn't get a name, number, or address. I don't even remember what the couple looks like, not even a general age. I wish so badly to be able to write them a letter and tell them that even a year later, I get tears in my eyes when I think of the kindness of two strangers. They really didn't have to do that. But words can't say how much that act of kindness means to me.

One Year

Yesterday was a big day for me! Tyler and I celebrated being together for a year. For the two of us this was a big deal. First of all, neither of us have been with another person for this long. Second, with the history that Tyler and I have, making it this far is huge for us.

I was thankful that we had a decent time to celebrate considering it's finals week and it seems we have been too busy to really go out lately. Let's see. Let's recap our very first date.

December 8th, 2007. Tyler and I had our first date the day before the big ice storm of 2007. He asked me out on Friday night after hanging out for a little bit. For dinner, Tyler took me to Olive Garden. No special reason why..but I do love Italian! After we had dinner we went to Carthage Missouri to look at this cool light set up. It is at a Korean type place...Korean Martyrs maybe? Anyway, they have this light set up that goes through the major stories of the bible. It is a very cool thing. I really wanted to go since I heard about it, so he took me. Then we got lost on our way back to Joplin, ended up in Carterville somehow...but found our way to Webb City. We went straight to Starbucks and had some hot chocolate/hot drinks. We made our way to Ewert Park off 7th and Murphy. Here we just enjoyed our drinks and talked for awhile. This is where Tyler asked me to be his girlfriend. Oh the memories. Of course I said yes. After that, a cop came to tell us the parks close at 11. This was the very first time a cop visited us at a park...and it wasn't the last. That was the end of our date. It was a good one.

December 8th, 2008. Tyler picked me up around 7:30 and we headed to Olive Garden, again. It is my favorite. We reminsced and argued over where our table was for our first date...oh well. Dinner was good as always. We then headed to McAlisters. It has become a tradition on our dates to eat and then get dessert somewhere else. So, we went, and I got "Chocolate Lovin Spoon Cake" because it is only there for a limited time! So we grabbed the McAlisters and then headed to Leonard Park (our new favorite) to exchange gifts and eat my cake. I gave him his first. I made him a small book that had a small poem for each of the past 12 months, and one for this December. I also included little slips of paper he can read each month that have little ideas for dates and things. Then, I got to open his. I was sooo excited to open his gift because I knew there was a lot of trouble around it. (The trouble involved UPS and blah blah blah...too much trouble!) His gift was amazing. It was a small poster that he had framed professionally and done so I am able to hang it on my wall. The poster contained a big number 1 in the center. In the one, he made a collage of pictures so the pictures form the 1. The background is green, and in the background there is a darker color for writing. He had "One year of greatness" at the top. To the left of the one it says "December 8th,2007" and "December 8th, 2008". To the right are lyrics of a Dave Barnes song "There's nothing fancy bout the way I love you". And the bottom says Tyler and Abigail. I love it! It is hanging on my wall now. We talked some more after the presents and then made our way to the movies. He gave me three choices...Twilight, Four Christmases, and Madagascar. We decided Four Christmases was the best choice for a date. It was funny, but just really weird. It was...weird. So yeah. It was a great date! Definitely one to remember.


I am so thankful for the past year and the joy that Tyler has brought to my life. We have both changed in such great ways..and I am excited to see what the next year brings.