Spring Break is coming to an end. What an unfortunate thing!

At one point, I was so eager to use my entire summer to do something By do something, I mean go somewhere... not be at home. But that is no longer the case. I am so eager to come back and work and just rest. I realize that the school year makes me so tired... summer is for a reason. This year, I have chosen to work, go to Cambodia, and work some more. I will also have the opportunity to go to church camp with College Heights... that will be weird. I have only been to two church camps in my entire life. Both are dear to my heart... but here is to a new one! Not to mention the fact that Tyler and I will be at camp together once again... crazy how things can end up!

Tyler and I spent the entire break together... people have made comments of how this is something significant. Believe it or not, I wanted nothing more than to spend the whole week with him. I will get a whole summer without him. That's enough time away.

I realized something weird today. A family friend mentioned to me that I am an adult... I got to thinking about how I can't picture living somewhere else. I can picture living at school of course, but I can't picture having my own apartment... or living with people other than my parents. I can't imagine not coming home for a summer, or moving on to a different place after graduation, yet it is what I want. I hate having this desire for something I can't even picture.

I can't picture Cambodia, or Rapha House, or the Kids Club or the faces of the girls I am going to meet. I can't picture moving out of my dorm room someday and into another home- my new home. I can't imagine being out of driving distance from Owasso. It's unfathomable... But in reference to unfathomable Heaven is- I think the best things are the one we can't picture.

That sure makes life a little more exciting.

Do you know what it's like when you get far enough into a friendship when it's not like you have to go out or do something out of the ordinary but just sitting in good company is sufficient? I love that. That point has been reached recently. So much that I like to spend my everyday sitting in the company of a few marvelous girls and there is nothing else I'd rather be doing... just laughing and saying extremely strange things and doing tongue stretches. Have you ever been there? I'm there.

Have you ever been to the place in your life when all of the sudden you are actually learning from school? I didn't do a whole lot of learning in high school... mostly just what I needed to get by. Don't get me wrong, I tried hard, but I don't think I retained a whole lot. But now that I am learning things I care about, I feel like I actually retain knowledge. I am actually growing in the brain area. I'm there.

Did you ever reach a point where you decided that right where you are is better than where you want to be? Not because it is suddenly the place you want to be, but because God's provision proves that he keeps us where we should be. I don't mean geographically. I mean mentally. I'm there.

Has there been a moment in your life when all of the sudden you are able to make sense of the past experiences you have had? Like, all of the sudden it hits you --"This is why God had me go through this..." These moments are great. I'm there.

Have you ever had a moment when you realize that something you dread doing and really hate to do is teaching you more than the things you love to do? I'm there.

Do you have those moments where all of the sudden it doesn't matter if someone has been treating you poorly or they seem to have given up on you? Why do we even reach those conclusions? Is it maturity, or apathy? I don't know. But I think I am there.

Did you ever face a time when your two worlds collide? (example: high school friends and college friends) I am about to be there.

Was there ever a time when God was sending you on this journey and you thought that the journey had a specific start date (June 7th would be my example), but the journey actually started the day God showed you which door of opportunity to knock on? I'm there.

That's where I am.

15

I cannot wait to be home next week. Speaking of, my birthday is a week from today.

I got my flight itinerary for my trip from LA to Cambodia this week.. That was weird. My first thought was "oh, you mean...I am actually going there??" Strange. Money is going well.. I have a very small amount left. It's been a great experience.

I have so many plans for this summer... it's crazy. Especially since three weeks of it is me being gone... which is wonderful. But I wonder how I am going to fit these plans in to the allotted time I have been given for a summer break.

My brother is coming home!! And he will be there on my birthday!!! How awesome!

Tyler and I have been together for 15 months today. I like that because this month celebrates 15 months and the 15th of this month is my birthday. 15 must be a good number for me.

I really hope Duke beats UNC today so I can wear my Duke hoodie to Biblical Communication for Women and show Damien how it feels!!

You know how people say that God has a sense of humor? I am pretty sure my birthday is the result of that sense of humor. What is one of my least favorite things to do? Watch sports. Football, Basketball, Baseball, Golf, ANYTHING except Volleyball. Yet, God has given me the birthday of this years Selection Sunday for the tourney. A prime example of God's humor. March is my favorite, yet least favorite month of all. Sports fan think of March as "March Madness"... I think of it as "Abigail's Birth Month!!!" cause that is what it is really all about =)!

Anyway, there are a collection of random thoughts for you... My life is going to get busier next month. Luckily I have a week to spend with family....and Tyler...and Tyler's family.


As Tyler would say...

Deuces.

Jason Mraz, Slumdog Millionaire, HOME!

Some great things:

-After four lonnnggg years of waiting Jason Mraz is finally returning to Tulsa!

-I bought Jason Mraz tickets this morning!

-Slumdog Millionaire FINALLY came back to Joplin after being here for a random weekend earlier this month.

-I saw it. And I loved it.

-I have raised around $2,000 for my trip to Cambodia!

-I think that God is going to let me be a part of something big.

-I had a meaningful conversation with a friend I haven't connected much with since last year... that was awesome.

-I have a really great boyfriend. I mean, REALLY great.

-I get to go home in two weeks and stay home for about 5 or 6 days!!!!

-I will be with my closest friends, college and high school. It's going to be amazing.

-I actually have motivation to do homework today! So I am going to do that.

There's an update!

Still My God

Two in one day, I know. crazy!! But I have regularly been checking itunes for a song I have been anticipating. Avalon sang this at the concerts we had back in December. It is a brand new song and it's so powerful, so I encourage you to at least purchase this song on itunes...it's so great and powerful and encouraging. But anyway, these are the lyrics to Still My God by Avalon.

Up and down
Like the tide is moving
In and out
We're in motion and the ocean pulls us under
And even there You're found
You never change
So I will sing...

If I'm standing on a mountain
Or drowning in a sea
If I am filled with hope
Or crying out for mercy
If I'm singing hallelujah
Or scared to make a sound
If I am learning how to walk
Or when I'm falling down
I'm saying You are still my God
Still my God

In a world
Where so much seems uncertain
You remain hope for the strong and broken
No matter where we are
You are never far
And nothing changes who You are

If I'm standing on the mountain
Or drowning in the sea
If I am filled with hope
Or crying out for mercy
If I'm singing hallelujah
Or scared to make a sound
When I am learning how to walk
Or when I'm falling down
I'm saying You are still my God
Jesus, you are still my God

Sometimes I don't know what God is doing. I don't mean that in a "I don't know his plan" way, but sometimes I just don't know why he does things I guess...I don't know why he sent me to that meeting. It was overwhelming. But that meeting and the opportunities God is giving me is making me realize how great he thinks I am. I have suddenly realized that he thinks I can do things I don't think I can do. He has faith in me. How weird is that...and all along we thought it was about our faith being in him... It's just weird to think about. Sure I am being vague... the point is that I still don't see why it's necessary for me to be involved in things that are truly bigger than I am. But maybe God think I am a way bigger deal than I think I am.

During our Valentine's Day date, Tyler and I had to walk over to our friends apartment to return some pans we used to make dinner. On this walk a quote came out of one of our mouths. I think I said it, I don't really know. But we were talking about our presents for each other (which we made ourselves...) and this was said: "It's funny how different things look to the creator". We both kind of took a pause because while it was not any deep conversation, a deeper thought bubbled in both our heads.

The way I view myself is probably very different from God's view of me...and before I started this Bible Study I have been doing, I don't think I ever really considered how God views me... but I think I get it a little better now. He wants me to be involved with a group of women in their 30's, 40's, 50's and 60's. He wants me to help with a retreat about something I am still on the opposite side of. He want me to be involved with influencing these girls with the story of Esther, and frankly, I am just not qualified! But God doesn't look at me and see a girl that is 19, not married, and still in the middle of my story rather than having my life figured out and without a set story that I let God write for my life. I don't like how skewed the view of myself is. I don't like that there are so many influences that make us think that something about ourselves is bad when God only sees it as good.

Lately I have become way more uncomfortable in this world than I have ever been before. It might be uncomfortable, but knowing that I am coming in to who I need to be and who God intended me to be is not something I would give up for a comfortable life.

Taken

Last night I saw the movie "Taken". If you don't know what it is about, the basic premise is this. A retired FBI agent is trying to build a better relationship with his 17 year old daughter who lives with her mom and very rich step-dad. His daughter comes to him because she has to have both parents sign off to get a passport so she can spend the summer in France with a friend... the short way to it, she and her friend get tricked and are sold into human trafficking. The whole movie is about his search and rescue for his daugther.

As I watched certain scenes that showed exactly what the girls would go through as far as being forced to use drugs and eventually lose all awareness of the people around them... I couldn't believe what I had signed up for. So I am supposed to go and be with girls that have been through the real thing? How am I supposed to have anything to say to them that could possibly help them in any way? I was talking with my manager at New York and Company this morning about this. She said that God will prepare me. As I thought more and more about this, I was greatly comforted that He knows how to prepare me and I don't have to figure out myself... because I would never know how to prepare myself. In four months I am going to be in contact with girls that have lived this story out...well, kind of.

The difference between this movie and the real thing is that in most cases, at least in Cambodia, the girls are sold by their fathers, or loved ones. This movie depicted something else... It showed how amazing this father's love was for his daughter who he barely even knew. But in the real stories, the father is the one selling. They don't have fathers saving them straight from the brothel. Complete strangers are saving them. How rough is that?

So exactly four months from today I will board a plane to fly to Los Angeles to meet my team and then fly to Cambodia the very next day. I didn't think I'd ever be doing anything like this... but here I am.