Love, Justice, Freedom

While I was in Cambodia, a lot of the members of my team were discussing tattoos. Many of them planned on getting tattoos when they returned to their hometowns. All of these tattoo ideas were about words or ideas that would constantly remind them of our experiences. I don't have any problems with tattoos. I think they are for some people but not for others. They are not for me... the whole pain thing, plus who knows if I would love to look at it in 30 years... It's just not for me. But I wanted to do something. I wanted to do something artistic and meaningful. I wanted it to be something that could go in a place that would remind me each and every day of the things that I learned. So I bought a canvas and I painted.

There we go. So I will dedicate this one post to the first word that I painted. First I will tell you that the colors are all significant. The first color, which is a bright blue, is to represent one of the two girls I became attached to. She had three or four shirts total and two of them were that bright blue. That's what she met the night I met her... I will always associate that color with her.

Love.

Have you ever loved a person and all that they wanted was for you to express that love to them? Have you ever known someone who you were sent to love and they just relish in your love for hours? It's easy to love them.

Have you ever been told to love people that want nothing to do with you? Have you tried to love a person who just does not really feel the need to be loved by you? It's hard to love them.

The Rapha House girls wanted our love. I know that I loved those girls long before I met them... but I am positive they loved me before I arrived. They have so much love to give. But more interestingly, they want love. They just want to be held and adored. So that's what we did. From the moments we arrived until the moment I was sitting on the bus to leave Rapha for the last time, they loved on us and accepted our love. These girls were made to love and be loved.

So as you can imagine, when we entered the gates of the Kids Club in Phnom Penh, we were shocked. Initially I expected lovable kids to fill the area. But let me tell you about the kids that are not given the life at Rapha House. They are rough. We walked in the gates and were not greeted by smiling children who anticipated our hugs. We were greeted by children who looked us up and down and did not care to love on us. The hardest part was that they were reluctant to accept our love. I am guessing I hugged about 3 kids in the 3 or 4 days I spent there. Some children would run up and hit us and run away. We had instances of them drawing inappropriate pictures on the pieces of paper we had given them to draw on.

Honestly, I wanted to just go and sit down and have nothing to do with them. I had just spent 3 or 4 days with the most beautiful and lovable little girls in Cambodia and now I was with children who did not want my love. I told myself that my time is precious and I don't need to be spending my time trying to give my love to kids that don't want it. Uh, hold on. Did I just say that? Did I just say that I don't need to love the people who are harder to love and should just love people who already have plenty of love? You probably know where I am going with this.

One of the greatest lessons I learned was about loving people who don't want my love. Those people are probably the ones that need my love and attention most of all. Loving the girls at Rapha was sooo easy! But the Kids Club... it was soooo hard.

I think that we can find these two groups of people in America. We find people who want to be loved and we find people who think they are perfectly fine without the love of anyone. Those are the people that I want to love. I want to love the people who say they don't need love. I want those people to become like the other people who long to be loved by anyone and everyone and to give that love in return. I want the children of the Kids Club to become like the girls at Rapha, where love is in the center of their lives.

So I hope this can encourage you when it's hard to love someone. Whether it's someone you know, someone you don't know, someone you work with... just remember that those are the people that might need your love more than those who accept your love easily.

A very special guitar.

There were two girls who I met at Rapha House that had a pretty big impact on my life. These two girls are sisters. Their ages are 13 and 17. They have lived at Rapha House for three years. Originally, they were sold for labor trafficking in a boating community... but eventually they were exploited in the community. They were sold together, rescued together, and now they love life together.

Right now I want to tell you about one of them. The older sister had a huge impact on my life. She was actually the very first girl that introduced herself to me at the beginning of the welcoming party. I had no idea that she would continue to hold such a special place in my heart...and she will forever.

My first big memory with her was on the second night. I had been spending my time with the two sisters and eventually, she started calling me mother. This touched my heart in a new way. I began wondering some things... I had to guess that her mother is not in her life. Some families are still in touch with their daughters, but I assume hers isn't. She was calling a perfect stranger one of the dearest names. A mother is someone who loves and protects you. A mother is a person who provides. What did I do that she would call me mother? Might I mention that she is just 3 years younger than me? I can't imagine a 17 year old that I know today walking up to me and calling me that. But I am going to be honest, I wish I could have brought her home to be her mother. But I know that it must be my place to love her from the other side of the world.

Something I should mention before I begin the next memory is that we were not really supposed to ask girls what their stories are. No matter how close we felt to them, some of them are not far enough in the healing process to verbalize their stories outside of counseling. So stories just were not shared. I don't know if the girls realize that we know why they live there, or if they think we don't have any idea.

The second memory I should mention was after devos on the same night that she called me mother. One of the other girls on our team had given her own testimony of how her father trafficked her as a child. After devos, the girl who called me mother found our translator so she could tell me something. She pulled Theara over and spoke to her a minute and told her to tell me something that shocked me. She wanted me to know that she had the same story as the girl who gave her testimony... that she had also been trafficked. I honestly had no idea what to say, so I just hugged her. Her sister was standing right there so I just hugged both of them. I told them I loved them. What do you say when a girl wants you to know that she had been trafficked? I was touched that she wanted me to know.

The final one happened on our last day in town. We had stopped by the salon where the girls work (this particular girl works there) and were going to walk over to the market. So we walk over, and we notice some of the girls that work at the salon were shopping. So I found my girl and gave her a hug and told her I would see her later tonight. So we go back to the salon where we were supposed to meet and she pulled me into a back room. She then gave me a necklace. I'll just be honest, when I saw the necklace I had to let out a little giggle. It's a pretty good sized guitar. It's unique, but I have to love it. I couldn't believe that she would spend her money on me. I wanted to tell her to get her money back! But I have worn it every single day since I left and will continue to. It's the silliest necklace, but it's probably she most meaningful peace of jewelry I have.

I wish I could tell you her name, or show you her beautiful face... and I can in person. But for the safety of the girls we are not to share their information or publish pictures to the internet. I would love for you to find me and ask to see her picture, along with her sisters...and show you the beautiful necklace she gave to me.

After she began to call me mother I would correct her and tell her we are sisters. Instead of her being my daughter, I told her it would be better if we are sisters because we will be sisters for eternity, so we should just start being sisters now. One of the things that excites me most about Heaven right now is knowing that I can talk to all of my dear sisters from Rapha. I can talk to them without frustration, hesitation, or worry that they will understand. And the best part is we are going to be worshipping the same God together for longer than a lifetime.

Freedom

I know that this holiday is about our freedom. As Christians it is also about our freedom from sin. But this year I can't help it but reflect on a different freedom. Freedom for people that don't live in America and don't designate today to celebrate their freedom.

In the 70's the people of Cambodia spent 4 years under the rule of the Khmer Rouge. They experienced communism. They were forced to leave their homes in the city and take part in what Pol Pot thought was the best way to run a country. He forced them to do labor as a part of his view that the agricultural lifestyle would do best for them. Eventually he began executions. Who did he have killed? Anyone who was educated, or previously worked with the government. He feared being overthrown and decided that only educated people would do that, so he had them killed. Over the four years about 1.7 million people died. They died of execution, malnutrition/starvation, and other diseases after being forced to live in the country.

I also think about each of the girls I met that are experiencing freedom today that I cannot even comprehend. They were slaves. They were slaves in like, the worst way possible. They were in bondage for years. They were used for years. But now they are in a home where they are given the freedom to be children. They laugh and play. They get an education, and they are excited about their education. They have the freedom to love life again.

I am thankful for my freedom. But for two weeks I was shown what freedom from modern day slavery is like. I was also shown places where there are still girls in bondage. I was shown a whole nation of people that have a new excitement and zest for life because they are free from the Khmer Rouge.

So today, I am thankful for my freedom. But I am thankful for the freedom of people all over the world that have been through years of slavery and bondage. I am thankful for the opportunity to see a new freedom in the Kingdom of Cambodia. I am thankful to have spent time with girls who are now dwelling in a place that they have been given a new freedom.

Walking down the isle...

Many people in my lifetime have informed me that walking down the isle would be one of the greatest moments of my life. They were right, but I don't think they knew what isle they were talking about.

As we arrived at Rapha House on a Wednesday night, our whole bus grew silent. We were finally at the place we had all been anticipating. We have looked forward to meeting the girls who have dealt with such a hard past and just to love on them. My team leader stood up and just smiled at us and prayed. During this prayer, we were all so filled with excitement that most of us began to cry. Yes, I cried about meeting the girls even before I met them. As we got off the bus, we could hear lots of clapping and cheering. The girls were clapping for us. They had formed an isle from the front of the gate and into the compound. As I approached the isle I was handed a beautiful arrangement of flowers and proceeded to walk down the isle. As I walked down the isle girls would reach out their hands in the midst of their huge smiles and their clapping. I would briefly hold on to each hand as I moved down the isle. It was completely overwhelming. At the end of the isle stood members of my team and we all just cried.

Prior to getting of the bus my team leader told us that entering the gates at Rapha House would be much like entering the gates of Heaven. What's amazing to me is that I do believe that it would be similar... an isle of people cheering for me and these people greatly anticipating my arrival. I don't know how it could have been better, but that's the cool part. Heaven is even going to be better than that.

I was surrounded by girls that had been sex trafficked for their whole lives before being there and they were cheering for me. They had been preparing to meet me all day long, just as I prepared to meet them. I have never felt so unworthy of celebration before. I just wanted to clap for them and show them how amazing they are and how each one of them is a miracle. Those people in my life were right. Walking down the isle was the absolute greatest moment of my life. And sure, there might be another isle some day to rival that moment. But I think this moment will always be placed on a whole different level.

So I currently find myself in Panama City Beach, FL. Quite a big change from Cambodia. I am happy to have a week of this whole reintegrating thing. It's not very easy on a lot of levels. The food is different here and not easy to adjust to, I think my stomach still thinks it should get certain meals at certain times and it doesn't, falling back to sleep is not an option. I am sleeping at a weird time than I have been and so if the slightest noise wakes me up, I stay awake cause my body is confused as to why I am sleeping in the first place.

I would love to share all of the details about my trip but it's really hard to do. The trip was very emotionally tiring. We did not do much physical labor, but mentally and emotionally and spiritually it was tiring. While everything was happening it was not easy to take it all in, so right now I am still processing. I cry a lot. I miss it a lot. I think about where I would be eating breakfast, or where I would be on my way to if I were there and it makes me sad. I didn't think I could like it as much as I did.

But it's just really hard to tell people why it was amazing. It was the best thing in my life, and part of my heart is always going to be in Battambang, Siem Reap, and Phnom Penh. I can tell you the things we did, many stories, and show you pictures of the beautiful people and places that I saw. But I don't think I will truly ever convey why it changed my life. There are two little girls who single handedly changed my life. I wish I could show you their faces, but I can't on here.

I can answer questions and I can tell you stories, but if you just say tell me about your trip, I won't know what to say. I might just cry or something.

Sus' day from Cambodia!

Sus' day means goodmorning. it's technically not morning for me, or you, but its the only greeting i know.

Just wanted to update briefly while I have a moment! I love this place. the people, the girls, everything about it is incredible. the culture is incredible, this city is incredible.

God is truly working through this ministry. I want everyone to know and be a part of it.

Please keep praying for me and the team, and each life we encounter in Cambodia!

Acoon! (thank you)

4 days!

I have been trying to pack for days. But it just seems like nothing is ever ready to go. It's weird for me because I love packing. I love organize. I love making lists, and crossing things off! But I can't seem to find the desire to put the stuff in my bag.

So basically there are three initial things I worry about a lot concerning my trip to Cambodia.

1. Food. I am WAY picky when it comes to food. I don't even like Asian food... not at all. I have been told that at most meals I should be able to just have some rice and not a lot more. I can handle that... I like rice. My biggest fear about it is weird meat. I have this issue of if I don't like it, I don't eat it, and not eating leads my lovely head to a migraine. So let's just hope I will be brave and eat whatever is set in front of me!

2. I don't know anyone going. I am going alone. Okay, not alone, but not with anyone I know. I am not independent, I don't like to do things on my own. Why did I choose to go again? Oh well. I know that I have things in common with others going, like loving Jesus and stuff. That's a good thing to have in common with people I am traveling to Asia with!

3. LONNNGG plane ride. That totally scares me. Not because I think we are going to crash. That's not really on my mind. I am just worried about being claustrophobic and once again having a migraine. I also really hate using the rest room on planes. Ugh. Again, the question pops in my head, why am I going???

I was actually asked why I decided to go while I was at work today. I didn't have a terribly great answer. I just explained that sex trafficking is a terrible thing and that I want to do what I can to help the young girls that are forced into such a terrible trade. He told me it takes a special person to do that. I have confidence that God has been preparing my heart... and will be up until the very moment I leave.

I am also nervous about saying the wrong things. As I think about the girls and how sometimes they are sold by family members, people they love and trust, husbands, aunts, uncles... I hope I can be sensitive to the fact that their view of family and friends and trust and love and even their view of life is going to be far different from my view. I live with a loving family who would never sell me to meet their financial needs. I have friends who would not trick me for the purpose of selling me. I will have a husband who will marry me to share life with me, not so it's easier to sell me. But they don't have that. Someday they may be able to have family, friends, and love the way I will. But right now they don't. I hope I can be sensitive to that and say the right things. More importantly, hopefully I won't say the wrong things.

Well, I think that concludes my final blog before I go. Please pray for all of the things I have mentioned. Also, I will leave a link to the website that will have trip updates throughout. I don't really know how often it will happen, but in case you care, here it is!

http://www.ciy.com/missions/trips/updates/

You should be able to find updates on there. I have no idea who will do it or when, but it will happen.

Please remember me for the next two weeks...and remember the 19 others I will travel with... and the kids at the Kids Club and young ladies of Rapha House as I share my love for Jesus with them. It's going to be an adventure!