I need you now and forever.

Okay, maybe it has been awhile. This has been my busiest semester so far. Yet it is the least amount of school hours I have ever taken. Good thing I dropped that class before the semester started! So lets cover what is new with me and maybe what has been keep me so busy (besides school work!)

1. College Heights. Can I just say I LOVE this church! It's an awesome place for a college student to grow and go to worship each week. But more than that- the people I worship with follow me throughout the week. It's awesome. Our youth ministers wife, Michelle, has invested a lot in me and is helping me learn how to be the significant other of a minister. She's awesome. We are so different in so many ways, but that challenges me more than anything! I love her a lot.

My d-group meets weekly and they are awesome! I have four girls that are honest and transparent. They ask questions and bring thoughts to our group that I did not think of. I don't think they realize that they are leading me just like I am meant to lead them. They are so awesome. We are going through My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. It's just a very short daily reading, but SO thought provoking and deep. It's not something to be taken lightly. These girls have been consistent and growing. I love them a whole lot!

2. This past week was VERY exciting. I mean VERY exciting. Friday and Saturday were both AMAZING days. Lets start with Friday.

Last week I got a call telling me that the Cambodian director of Rapha House would be in town to visit as he is in the US for the National Missionary Convention. When I heard this I was VERY excited! I finally got to see a Khmer person for the first time since Cambodia- and it happens to be one of my favorite Khmer people. Let me just tell you a bit about this man. He used to have a pretty awesome job. He gave it up for Rapha House. He gave it up to take part in rescuing girls from awful lives and letting them explore Gods plans for their lives. He is incredible. He was never too busy for the girls. He spent evenings out playing soccer with them. Even if he was on his way to do some important work, he always found time to stop and hug each girl or stop and play with them briefly. He has a heart for these girls as big as anyone I know. Not only that, he cares about every single person he meets. Including the perpetrators of these girls. His heart is awesome.

So as I walked up to him on Friday night at the Rapha House open House, I got a reaction I didn't expect. He totally recognized me. I didn't expect him to remember my name but he knew he had met me. I was excited about that. He was very happy to see me and meet Tyler as well. I was so so so glad that at least one of the people closest to me could have the opportunity to meet a man I look up to. Not only did he recognize me, but he gave me very detailed updates on my two little sisters that I love and miss so so much! He told me that the younger of the sisters is doing so well and growing to love God more and more each day. Praise the Lord! He did say that the older sister has troubles from day to day. She is in a bit of a different stage of life so it's a little different, but it was not too concerning he said. That's another awesome thing about it. They have around 100 girls in their program... and he knows the progress of each of them as individuals. He is awesome. I sent him a letter and some pictures a couple months back and so he finally put a face and a name to that package. That was fun. He took a picture with me on his camera to show my little sisters that he saw me. That was an awesome night!

Okay so Saturday came. And well, that was pretty exciting.

It all started with a typical date. Tyler took me to one of our favorite places (Olive Garden). This is where we had our first date. When we go to dinner he usually tells me sometime during the meal what the rest of the night holds for us. This particular night he told me we would go to Kara and Jeremiah's to play games. Recently we have been going over there a lot and playing Clue. So, it's not that I don't want to hang out with my best friend, but I was kind of upset. I didn't understand why would spend our date night with them. So I kept asking how long we would be there and why were going and it that meant our special date time was over as soon as dinner was over. I was genuinely upset.

So we got to their apartment and usually they have to let us in the first door and then we walk through the hall and get to their actual apartment door. So I thought it was strange that neither of them waited for us but both doors were just cracked (but no, I still didn't understand what was going on.) So I opened the door to their apartment. It was pretty dim and I could see a couple of tea light candles from the walk way- again, I thought, this is weird. So I kept walking further and all of the sudden one of our favorite songs, "Until You" by Dave Barnes, began to play right at the chorus. (the first words I heard were "I need you now and forever") So it kinda began to fall together. As I walked further and got my first view of the living room, this is what I saw: (but just imagine it dimmer)

I was shocked!! So I just kinda stopped because I didn't have any idea what to do. So Tyler came over to me, got down on one knee, and asked me to marry him! It was the best thing ever! I couldn't believe it. I was sooo upset with him that we were going over there... little did I know. He definitely did the best job ever surprising me. He also did the best job ever getting me this:

Yeah I love it! I was so excited! And I was also equally surprised by this ring! After he proposed, my best friend and her husband came out of hiding and celebrated with us. She had two bridal magazines and a card ready for us. They were so awesome and I am so thankful they got to be a part of that night as well! So thanks to them for letting it all happen in their apartment. Apparently Kara has known about this for two weeks... I couldn't believe it!

I am so excited to finally get to start planning my life with Tyler! I have liked him for so so so long. I cannot believe that we are getting married! It's so weird. After 6 1/2 years of being friends, and we are finally moving to this awesome step! It's all so very exciting.

Anyway, there you go. I thought you should know a little bit about what has been going on with me.

"I need you now and forever, just stay right here with me, don't ever leave. Love was kept from me like a secret, I swore that I was through until you."

A non-Cambodian post!

God is so good. Something happened last week and it has kinda been on my mind all week, so I might as well share it.

A student in our youth group talked to Tyler last week about wanting to be in a small group. She and another girl were hoping to get in one. He explained that small groups happen as students want them and leaders want them. So he told her he would talk to Beau, the high school minister, and get back to her. Just fifteen minutes or so after that I texted him. Earlier this year I was supposed to start leading my group of girls from our girls retreat as a small group, but only two could really commit to our group. So I was kinda bummed about not having a small group like I had planned so I didn't know how he would suggest I go about getting a small group. So naturally, he was kinda blown away about the timing of the two conversations. One week later I have five girls committing to a d-group with me. I am SO excited.

I had coffee this morning with our high school minister's wife, Michelle. I wasn't really sure why necessarily, all I knew is that God kinda laid it on my heart last week to meet with her and talk about this whole leading a small group thing. I am really glad I did. I left there feeling so encouraged. I mean, the whole timing made it apparent that this was God's idea and God's plan and not about how I want to lead girls, but about how he wants me to lead girls. But even after my conversation with Michelle I do feel that this is right. She gave me more insight on some of the girls that just really showed me that I have more to offer them than I thought.

After church tonight I still am feeling really encouraged. I feel like this is the exact group that God has decided for me to minister to. Each I feel I can relate to on a lot of different levels and I feel that God has good things in store.

I am also just so thankful for the ministry at College Heights. I told Michelle today that I have never thought I would even want to stay in Joplin for longer than I am going to school, but I would. I am so thankful to be in Joplin at this time. There are so many Godly women that are willing to invest in me and my life. I had a conversation tonight with a minister's wife. It just blows my mind that she genuinely cares for me, but it's obvious she does. We spent one semester working on the same team but she always stops to talk and my conversations with her leave me so encouraged. There are so many women in my life right now that are constantly pouring and I couldn't be more thankful. I have been very ready to move on from Joplin, but I do realize that I am never going to be in this place ever again. So I need to get what I can from it. Having this state of mind is such a blessing. It is so easy to hate where I am. Being in college is kinda rough sometimes, being where I am in relationships is rough, but I couldn't change anything. I am so thankful for where I am right now. There are so many people pouring in to mine and Tyler's lives. It's awesome.

Well there we go. My first post that is not about Cambodia, crazy! But I know that the changes that have happened in me in the past few months all began in Cambodia. So really- it all relates.

I hope your week is awesome!

Words

Whenever the word hope is mentioned, I picture two of the six year old girls experiencing their first month of true hope that they have been introduced to. Whenever the word justice is mentioned, I think of the people still begging on the side of the road in Cambodia and how they have yet to receive their justice. Whenever peace is mentioned, I think of the morning we spent touring Rapha House and I can clearly hear girls singing in Khmer. Whenever the word freedom is mentioned, I picture the girls playing soccer in the front. Whenever the word love is mentioned, I lose it completely. All I can think about is the love that I have for my two beautiful Khmer sisters. I think about how much they loved me. I think about how much God loves those amazing girls. I think about how their love literally changed my life. I think about how his love has changed their life. I think about how he loves the outcasts that fill Women's Island. He loves the kids at the kids club. He loves the parents that are only looking out for themselves. He loves the parents who sell their children. He loves the men who buy the children. That mostly leads to this: I think about how he still loves the offender. He loves the men who live in Cambodia and take part in the booming sex industry. He even loves the American business man who flies over seas to take part in this terrible act. His love isn't conditional. His love isn't reserved for the people who try to act according to his word. His love is reserved for every single person who has ever breathed a single breath.

Love is a crazy thing. I have never seen God's love as best as I saw it in Cambodia. Love has many different faces to me. People who love me, people who I love. It's never people that I should be loving but am not. Who am I to choose who is worth my love? I don't deserve God's love. I accept it and I am so thankful for it, but I have never done a single thing worth the amount of love he has for me. I get more from him than I deserve. For that reason, every single person I have ever seen, talked to, thought about, and those who I don't know exist, are worth every bit of my love.

If I don't love them, how will they ever know that God does?

Reflection

6/10/09

"Last night was eye opening. As we drove through Phnom Penh we began to see the Red Lights go on in the back of establishments. The girls began to take their places to be seen and attract customers. It was heart breaking. I wanted to jump out of the bus and save them but I know that some of them don't even want to be saved. It's so frustrating to witness it right in front of my face but do nothing about it. Why can't we save them?"

"As we walked down the isle the girls made, I cried. It was an experience I will never forget. I have no words to describe what it was like being celebrated by girls who have been raped and abused countless times. It was overwhelming.

The girls are beautiful. I think what makes them more beautiful than other Cambodian women that we have seen is their joy. The Lord brightly shines through their mouths, their eyes, and their voices. Who knew such young girls that have been through such terrible things could have more joy than I could. I love them so much."

6/11/09

"We got to take our tour of Rapha House this morning. The whole location was peaceful and calm. Very often we could hear girls singing in the background. It was beautiful. The buildings are beautiful and calm. You can just tell that God lives at Rapha House."

6/12/09

"After that, we sat on the porch. She just laid her head in my lap and I played with her hair. Love doesn't speak one language. It is a language. It was a beautiful moment."

"I saw her at the market. I didn't know she was shopping for me at the time though. The necklace has a guitar on it. It's not the prettiest necklace, but it's the most beautiful thing I own. I can't believe she spent money on me. I can see that she loves me. I love her so much. I will miss these two girls more than anything in the world."

6/13/09

"I learned tonight that I have to let go. In order to help them heal, I have to let go. I can be in their hearts and they can be in mine. I will see them again. I will spend eternity with them. I thank God for that. I can't wait to worship with my sisters in His very presence."

6/14/09

"My heart feels heavy. I already miss them so much. Their smiles are as bright as the sun and their laughter is the sweetest music this world could ever give. Their hugs are as sweet as can be and the way they hold my hand warms my heart. She was not as happy tonight. I know she was dreading our goodbye. So was I.

I felt so alone when driving away. I was on a bus full of people I have only known for a week. I had just said goodbye to people that I love. I longed for a familiar embrace. I longed for someone that knows me to comfort me.

I long for their protection. I pray that as sisters they will always watch over each other. Their sisterly love astounds me... and that they would treat me the same way. God blessed my heart through my sisters."

Progress

http://www.examiner.com/x-16813-Legal-News-Examiner~y2009m8d31-Operation-Twisted-Traveler-arrests-American-sex-tourists-in-Cambodia

I don't know if you have seen anything on the news about this, but it is making pretty big level news. And it's exciting.

People think that they can go to places like Cambodia and other countries in SE Asia and do what is unacceptable in America. I am not just saying that because that's what someone else told me. I say that because standing in a market in Siem Reap I overheard an man telling his son that it's okay to do this in Cambodia, but not at home. That's one of those stories that I don't think most people want to hear, but here are three men who did the same exact thing. And it's making headlines. To me, this is a good day. I know that it's not like they raided another brothel or arrested 50 people. But three more men out of Cambodia is a major victory. The news caring about this is huge. People are going to see this and realize that it isn't okay like they assume.

The hardest part about my whole trip wasn't being with girls who have been through sex-trafficking. The hardest part wasn't leaving Rapha House. The hardest part wasn't dealing with cultural differences. The hardest part was seeing western men walking the streets at night looking for places to go and not being able to do a single thing about it. This is why this one story of three men feels like a huge milestone to me. Because I have seen men just like them. I have been to the exact village they mention in that article.

I cry a lot about things that have to do with Cambodia... pretty much everyday. But tonight it's not a sad cry. These are tears of extreme hope in the fact that God will bring justice in His time. Even if it happens slowly. He doesn't abandon His people.

You'll Come

Chains be broken, lives be healed, eyes be opened, Christ is revealed.

Those are lyrics to a Hillsong United song called "You'll Come". I love this song for a lot of reasons. Mostly because the lyrics are so full of optimism and hope.

At one point on my trip, I found myself on a 5 hour boat ride from Battambang to Siem Reap. Prior to leaving, we were told that we will past through boating villages and communities. We were told that sex trafficking existed even in those communities. So for a portion of this trip, Malia, Jessica, and I sat on the very front of the boat out from underneath the covering. It gave us a much cooler breeze and view of all of the people. I was thankful for this leg of travel because it allowed us to see yet another side of Cambodia: the people who choose to live on the rivers.

I eventually turned my Ipod on. I put the songs on shuffle. And I am pretty sure God chose what songs to play for me. There were a series of songs that had totally uplifting lyrics and helped me feel like there is so much hope for Cambodia. It gave me hope for the girls that I know are still in trafficking.

Eventually You'll Come came on. The very first words of this song are "Chains be broken, lives be healed, eyes be opened, Christ is revealed." As I am watching the people as we float by, some children wave and run as much as they can to continue to wave to us, some children look hopeless. So here I am, staring into the faces of children that are potentially in modern day slavery and the words "chains be broken" are being repeated in my ears. That moved me. I wanted to reach out to each child we passed and tell them that there is hope for them too. I wanted to tell them that even though their physical shackles might not ever be broken, they can obtain freedom. Even in modern day slavery, people can have hope, peace, love, and even justice.

We sang this song in chapel yesterday. It was actually the very first song we sang. That was hard. But it was kind of appropriate timing. Because when I am in chapel at 10 o'clock AM on a Tuesday morning, it is 10 o'clock Tuesday evening in Cambodia. This means that while I am freely worshipping God with my classmates on campus at my school of choice, thousands of girls are preparing themselves for the night of work that lies ahead. It's hard. It's hard to be surrounded by loving Christians singing words like "chains be broken" and automatically my thoughts are filled with the horrible night that lies ahead for thousands of girls.

So what do I do? Well I have to pray. There is no other choice. I have to automatically pray for the girls that are in bondage. I have to pray because I can picture riding our bus around Phnom Penh at night looking in to the shops, seeing the red lights go on and the girls come out. I have to pray that God will bring them some sign of comfort and hope that night if they won't be rescued.

I know there is hope for the 27 million people still in modern day slavery. I just have to pray that they can see the hope as well.

"I have told you these things so that in me you may find peace. In this world you will face many troubles but take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

How Great Thou Art

Disclaimer: For some of you, you are reading my blog because you received my follow-up letter in the mail this week. I just want to encourage you to read previous posts about Cambodia. I have already written about many stories that are dear to my heart. I hope you will go back to read those too!

Okay, end the disclaimer!

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Our first morning at Rapha House was particularly serene. I can remember touring the compound thinking about how peaceful that morning was. It was quiet, you could hear the slight wind... But mixed in with the quiet I could hear some of the girls singing. It was beautiful to hear nothing but their voices literally echoing throughout the buildings. I also remember it being particularly cool that morning which added to the peacefulness. Morning time in Cambodia are generally the hottest hours of the day. But God really blessed us as we saw the buildings and experienced the land for the first time.

But before we were able to tour the grounds, we experienced our first staff devotion with the incredible Rapha House staff members. I did not think a whole lot going into this time, but it turned out to better than I expected (as was every experience on my trip). My team was able to share a little bit about ourselves individually, then the staff introduced themselves to us as well. One of the first things we did was worship. They had hymnals to sing out of and we could join in when we knew the song, or participate by praying when we did not know the songs.

The very first song we sang was How Great Thou Art. As we began to sing with them my heart filled with a new gratitude toward God. Hearing the voices of our team worshipping in English mixed with the voices of the staff worshipping in Khmer was unlike anything I have ever experienced. At first our voices were distinct. The people there just sing in a different way. We rarely heard harmony and it became obvious that singing to them is not about the music what-so-ever at all. As we moved on from verse to chorus to verse, our voices meshed. It could have been my own ears adjusting, but personally, I think that God blessed me with a new view that morning. It's like he allowed me to hear what he hears. He doesn't hear Khmer or English, he just hears our hearts. I am still so thankful he opened my ears in such a way that I could hear the beautiful worship of his people from more than one place in this world.

I love how God weaves past experiences into new experiences. I say this because my very first Sunday back at home I was really excited to be back at church. Ironically, the very first song we sang that Sunday was How Great Thou Art. It was a very different sound than worshipping in Cambodia (as expected!)... but clear as day, I could hear the Rapha House Staff singing the same song in Khmer. I have a feeling that I will always be hearing that song in Khmer from now on. And that is really okay with me.

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee, how great thou art...