In the past month I have...

-Packed up and moved out of my very first apartment and very first home with Tyler (don't worry, Tyler is coming too!)
-Moved about 90% of our personal belongings to Owasso
-Accepted a much needed (gift from God) temporary job in Owasso
-Began to become very sad about leaving Joplin.

Man, what a strange thing it is to leave one home to go to another. The only two places I have ever really considered home are Owasso and Joplin. So much has changed within me since moving to Joplin, that moving back to Owasso seems a bit scary at times. I am not at all the person I used to be, for starters I am moving back to Owasso with a husband. It's just weird to move back home from the place I now know and love as my home.

I never knew I would be so terribly sad over leaving Joplin. I knew I loved Joplin as my new home but especially after church today and speaking with several students and their parents about us leaving, I am genuinely bummed to be leaving. There are so many students that I have just started relationships that I am dying to see all the way through high school. There is a student I got to see through three years of high school but am departing for her senior year. There are students I am sending off to college and wish I would be in Joplin for when they return for weekend visits.

I'm prepared for things like handling finances, I'm prepared to help students when they ask tough questions, I am prepared to be a minister's wife and all that it entails, but what I don't feel prepared for is how to leave a ministry. It's an incredibly hard process to say goodbye to students that I want to be here for. I know that God will protect them and guide them and provide the adults they need. But it's still extremely hard. It's hard to know what to say when a parent comes up and expresses their sadness over us leaving, even though we all know that it is best and that God's got something coming our way. It's still just so hard.

I thought that since everyone around us knew it was coming- that we wouldn't be in Joplin much longer after a full time youth minister was hired- that maybe it would make it easier. But it's still one of the saddest goodbyes I have ever had. I think there's a point to which I can be sad, but then there's a point in which I have to trust God enough to know that these students will flourish even after we are gone. I want to have a hand in it and I want to help control it, but the fact is that I can't. All I can pray is that the seeds we have planted will be watered by people that enter their lives in the future. I know it's not us that has made the difference but just what God has been able to do through us. It's never been my power that has done anything good but God's power through me. And God's power will still reside in Joplin through others after I am gone. These students will still be loved after Tyler is no longer their youth ministry. Now I must realize that God's got some other students for us to love.

Back to uncertainty

It's been a rough month. Tyler and I have had to make lots of decisions, not necessarily fun ones. We have received prompting by our circumstances to hurry some decisions along, and here we are. On the verge of another (and quite unexpected) adventure.

I admit that for awhile, I was feeling pretty discouraged. I think it's really hard to be wanting to do ministry but no where to do it. It's easy to get the mindset that because we want to serve God through vocational ministry that he would just provide a ministry at the drop of a hat. But what has become even more clear as the moments pass is that we have the right ministry, the right fit.

I know it's coming. These days I am feeling a bit more optimistic. Maybe it's because we are starting fresh with some churches, the churches we were interested in before have since moved in different directions, I don't know. I think it's just the exciting possibility of it coming soon has come back in to view. Again, I find myself a little more excited rather than fearful of the unknown. I am relying heavily on God to provide this optimism and joy to get me through, and I am glad to say he is providing like crazy.

It all ends...

There are so many thoughts and life events I want to blog about, but unfortunately these important real-life situations must wait until later this week, or perhaps next week after my life has settled down a bit. Although, I am not sure it will actually feel settled until about 3 weeks from now.

When I was in 5th grade, we had a reading time after lunch. This was not individual reading, but my teacher, Mrs. Tingiris, would read a book out loud to us. When she began Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, I had no idea what that book would mean to me one day. Back then it was not a big deal for a Christian to read this innocent book.

I wasn't much of a reader until 8th grade. In 8th grade I decided to pick up Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and see where this story went after it's start. I quickly read through each Harry Potter book available at that time. By the time the fifth book arrived in stores, I was one of the loyal fans who rushed to the store on the day it could be sold and spent all of my time reading until I was finished. I remember that I finished Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by the second night I had it, well, I guess early morning of the third day. I stayed up as late as possible to finish it.

I give a lot of credit to J.K. Rowling when it comes for my love to read fiction stories. I am not a huge fan of fantasy and have tried to read other books, but there's something so captivating about a fantasy book taking place in our world. There was something so captivating about this story that was born out of a mother's love for her child.

There was a time when Christians who read Harry Potter were criticized for reading "witchcraft". It has always astounded me because those people clearly had never read Harry Potter and had no idea that this story could have been born without the spells and magic. That this story was one of a mother who loved her child and sacrificed herself for him. That it was this son's will to restore the world back to good, to rid the world of evil. Sure, it's more exciting, adventurous, and thrilling with all of the spells and ideas of a world of magic but I would hardly attribute the best qualities of this story to anything with magic. The best qualities are the ones of grace, redemption, and love... and trust me, there is so much of each in these stories.

I was so bummed to go to the movie today knowing it is my last opportunity to re-live how it felt the first time I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (by FAR my favorite of the 7!). But I left so satisfied and reminded that how it ended was perfect and I wouldn't want it to go on any longer, because all was resolved and all was well.

Harry Potter is so dear to my heart because it got me to a state where reading was (and still is) my favorite pastime. I long for the day when I feel my children are old enough to comprehend this fantasy world (mostly comprehend that it is just that-a fantasy) and decide to spend their time, energy, and emotion in reading such great stories. Sure, there will be others, maybe some just as good, just as there are old fantasy favorites of so many. I hope that I have at least one child that will enter this world and love it as much as I do. Until then, I will talk Tyler's ear off with details of this fantasy world not seen in the movies until he decide to pick up the books himself.

Time to think and time to grow

Tyler and I hoped that we would be moving somewhere to start a new youth ministry no later than early June. Obviously, our plan was the not the plan that worked out. Waiting on God to provide for us what we really want has been really difficult. But it has definitely allowed us to see more clearly how he provides our for us in the ways we truly need.

My job was technically supposed to end with graduation. The bookstore only hires students and actually they don't typically hire anyone for the summer. My boss was so gracious to me and allowed me to stay on for this summer. It's not the most thrilling job but it's a job I know I can leave on short notice if we are called somewhere else, and it's also a simple job that helps get the bills paid. I desperately needed a job as Tyler's job (hours and pay) was changing a lot mid-May. God provided a lot by allowing me to keep my job.

We knew that if we were going to be in Joplin, we needed to surround ourselves with friends that we could really relate to. This whole year we haven't had a lot of friends that are really in the same stage of life as us and that has been hard. We were both so busy during the school year so finding a new life group or something was not something that got to happen. At the end of the semester we were approached about joining a life group, led by a couple who wanted to be there for young couples in the middle of transition. We have only been able to meet three or four times so far, but it's so refreshing to meet with couples who are as in awkward situations as we are. Relationships are so important and God provided a very specific group of people that we could walk through this weird time with.

For a few months, Tyler and I saved all of the money that would typically go to paying off my student loans for what we call "surplus" because we knew this summer would be tough financially. We anticipated having to use it starting June 1. Well. Here's the thing. Somehow, God provided more money than we planned for because not only have we had to use very little of that amount- we added to it! We actually had extra money. I think we will need it later this month, but God provided extra hours and a strange pay period so that we will be able to last on our two part time jobs a little bit longer. 

Sure, we have been a bit frustrated. All Tyler wants is to do God's will and to do ministry somewhere. But here's the thing, I am not even close to say that God hasn't been with us and watching over us this whole time. He provides the the things we need while we wait. I am so thankful that we didn't jump to find ways to provide for ourselves, but allowed ourselves to live a little more simply and see how God can provide some great things. Perhaps it is because we cannot provide these things for ourself that we can see God more clearly working right now. I know that he will let us do ministry. I know that he has places in mind that we would best serve him, and we will wait. But it's a great joy of mine to reflect on the simple ways he provides while we wait. We are not alone.

It continues...

Everytime Tyler and I get semi-negative news regarding a full-time job, temporary job, or even housing, I keep thinking that will be the last thing. That the next news we get has got to be good news. Well, I've been wrong most of these times. Don't get me wrong, several really great things have happened in the past 2 months, God has obviously been providing in ways we never thought he would. We are so grateful for his provision and care in our lives.

But now life gets interesting. In the next month or so we have to make some decisions. They could be easy, no-brainers, but they could be quite complicated. All I am saying is that Tyler and I are in need of great prayer as we have to decide what is best for us in all areas of life. Life is very good and God is so good to us, but life is also extremely awkward right now. Transitions are quite the tricky little situations to get through.

As I look forward to the next month, I can honestly say I have no idea where we will be living, working, and worshipping God. No idea at all. I've thrown all stability out the window for the next month. And now I just ask that anyone who reads these words is praying diligently that God will continue to provide and surprise us as he has been for the past year. I ask that you pray that when we do have to make decisions, we will have great guidance and make good choices. Thank you so much.

One year!

A year ago today (June 11th) I was still wondering if I was really going to get to marry Tyler the next day. After meeting Tyler seven years earlier, I never thought it would actually happen. I knew for so long that I would marry Tyler eventually, but when that time came it still seemed too good to be true.

Here I am a year later about to celebrate my first year of marriage with Tyler. It's hard to believe that my life has changed so much in a year but it really has. I was such a different person a year ago and I am so much better off having spent a year living with and spending life with Tyler. Marriage is not something that either of us took lightly and I think that helped make it easier as we prepared to enter a covenant relationship.

So here's a look at our first year of marriage. I don't take a lot of pictures like I used to but I am sure I have some that will recap a lot of what we did!

We began our marriage by spending several days in Cancun. Best decision ever!

We went to a Springfield Cardinals game with our friends John Mark and Lesley!

We got to go to an OSU game and we both got new OSU shirts... my wardrobe is changing a lot (with the addition of more orange!)

Tyler got to meet my Khmer sister, Theara. This was quite a big deal to me as she represents much of the good in Cambodia.

We got to go to TWO OSU football games this year! It was my first Bedlam experience... and boy was it a crazy one.

We spent lots of time with my nieces!

We celebrated our first Christmas together and got to spend this Christmas Eve with my family.

We too our first mini-vaca to Branson for a couple of nights to do some shopping (at wonderful outlets!) and regroup before I started my last semester of college.

We experienced the biggest blizzard either of us have ever seen... 18 inches of snow and 3 days stuck in the apartment with no where to go! It was a blast!

We went on many dates to celebrate various things, and sometimes not celebrating anything in particular at all.

We got to celebrate my parents 30th anniversary by hanging out with my family and taking family pictures for the first time in a few years.

We celebrated the resurrection of our Savior... and we took our first porch pic!

We celebrated my graduation from college.

Unfortunately the next day we also experienced our town being hit with one of the most devastating tornados of all time. I don't have pictures to share because anyone who can read this blog has already seen them all. It is a part of our first year of marriage and hopefully the only year we have to face such devastation in a place we love so much.

This year has been the best. I can't thank Tyler enough for simply loving and caring for me as he leads us  in life. It is a truly great experience to be married and to be married to someone who loves God and me so much that his whole life reflects that. Thanks Tyler, I love you! 

Finally Summer!

Summer started two weeks ago for me. But the first week of summer just didn't feel like summer. I spent almost every moment on edge for the next storm, sitting in front of our TV hanging on to every word the news stations would say to me, and crying a lot over what has been lost.

This week I started to finally feel the joy of my favorite time of year. The summer heat and humidity of this area is a wonderful feeling. Finally being able to wear summer clothes and use the heat as an excuse to eat ice cream everyday has released me from some of the anxiety I have been feeling over the past couple of months.

I am finally able to relax and focus on getting on track again. School is so consuming that so many things fall by the wayside- most importantly fun reading! I have finally been able to sit and read books that I picked out and will not have to write a report over or test over. Books that will benefit specific issues within myself that need molding into something better. In this first glorious week of summer, I have already come to many conclusions that I lost sight of during the school year.

Our life is not exactly what we had hoped for a year ago. God hasn't just given us an easy sign of where we are going and what we are doing. We both have part time jobs which means two things: not a lot of income and a ton of free time. I have been greatly enjoying all of the time I get to spend with Tyler right now. It's a blessing for sure.

But I definitely feel more excited about our unknown future. While it would be so awesome to know what God is doing right now, we know we have to continue to wait. Something about this made me excited again... excited that at this moment in time, God could take us anywhere to do anything. My God doesn't have limits- and we have put ourselves at his mercy. It's exciting to know that he is doing something (even though we have no idea what), and whatever he is doing is going to allow us to serve him wholeheartedly. It's scary to not have a full time job or know when our financial situation will get better... but as we have been saying for months: God has never abandoned us or not provided for us. He has continued to do so through this very moment and will continue to do so. Until then, we will prepare for God's awesome plan that he has for us.