Walking down the isle...

Many people in my lifetime have informed me that walking down the isle would be one of the greatest moments of my life. They were right, but I don't think they knew what isle they were talking about.

As we arrived at Rapha House on a Wednesday night, our whole bus grew silent. We were finally at the place we had all been anticipating. We have looked forward to meeting the girls who have dealt with such a hard past and just to love on them. My team leader stood up and just smiled at us and prayed. During this prayer, we were all so filled with excitement that most of us began to cry. Yes, I cried about meeting the girls even before I met them. As we got off the bus, we could hear lots of clapping and cheering. The girls were clapping for us. They had formed an isle from the front of the gate and into the compound. As I approached the isle I was handed a beautiful arrangement of flowers and proceeded to walk down the isle. As I walked down the isle girls would reach out their hands in the midst of their huge smiles and their clapping. I would briefly hold on to each hand as I moved down the isle. It was completely overwhelming. At the end of the isle stood members of my team and we all just cried.

Prior to getting of the bus my team leader told us that entering the gates at Rapha House would be much like entering the gates of Heaven. What's amazing to me is that I do believe that it would be similar... an isle of people cheering for me and these people greatly anticipating my arrival. I don't know how it could have been better, but that's the cool part. Heaven is even going to be better than that.

I was surrounded by girls that had been sex trafficked for their whole lives before being there and they were cheering for me. They had been preparing to meet me all day long, just as I prepared to meet them. I have never felt so unworthy of celebration before. I just wanted to clap for them and show them how amazing they are and how each one of them is a miracle. Those people in my life were right. Walking down the isle was the absolute greatest moment of my life. And sure, there might be another isle some day to rival that moment. But I think this moment will always be placed on a whole different level.

So I currently find myself in Panama City Beach, FL. Quite a big change from Cambodia. I am happy to have a week of this whole reintegrating thing. It's not very easy on a lot of levels. The food is different here and not easy to adjust to, I think my stomach still thinks it should get certain meals at certain times and it doesn't, falling back to sleep is not an option. I am sleeping at a weird time than I have been and so if the slightest noise wakes me up, I stay awake cause my body is confused as to why I am sleeping in the first place.

I would love to share all of the details about my trip but it's really hard to do. The trip was very emotionally tiring. We did not do much physical labor, but mentally and emotionally and spiritually it was tiring. While everything was happening it was not easy to take it all in, so right now I am still processing. I cry a lot. I miss it a lot. I think about where I would be eating breakfast, or where I would be on my way to if I were there and it makes me sad. I didn't think I could like it as much as I did.

But it's just really hard to tell people why it was amazing. It was the best thing in my life, and part of my heart is always going to be in Battambang, Siem Reap, and Phnom Penh. I can tell you the things we did, many stories, and show you pictures of the beautiful people and places that I saw. But I don't think I will truly ever convey why it changed my life. There are two little girls who single handedly changed my life. I wish I could show you their faces, but I can't on here.

I can answer questions and I can tell you stories, but if you just say tell me about your trip, I won't know what to say. I might just cry or something.

Sus' day from Cambodia!

Sus' day means goodmorning. it's technically not morning for me, or you, but its the only greeting i know.

Just wanted to update briefly while I have a moment! I love this place. the people, the girls, everything about it is incredible. the culture is incredible, this city is incredible.

God is truly working through this ministry. I want everyone to know and be a part of it.

Please keep praying for me and the team, and each life we encounter in Cambodia!

Acoon! (thank you)

4 days!

I have been trying to pack for days. But it just seems like nothing is ever ready to go. It's weird for me because I love packing. I love organize. I love making lists, and crossing things off! But I can't seem to find the desire to put the stuff in my bag.

So basically there are three initial things I worry about a lot concerning my trip to Cambodia.

1. Food. I am WAY picky when it comes to food. I don't even like Asian food... not at all. I have been told that at most meals I should be able to just have some rice and not a lot more. I can handle that... I like rice. My biggest fear about it is weird meat. I have this issue of if I don't like it, I don't eat it, and not eating leads my lovely head to a migraine. So let's just hope I will be brave and eat whatever is set in front of me!

2. I don't know anyone going. I am going alone. Okay, not alone, but not with anyone I know. I am not independent, I don't like to do things on my own. Why did I choose to go again? Oh well. I know that I have things in common with others going, like loving Jesus and stuff. That's a good thing to have in common with people I am traveling to Asia with!

3. LONNNGG plane ride. That totally scares me. Not because I think we are going to crash. That's not really on my mind. I am just worried about being claustrophobic and once again having a migraine. I also really hate using the rest room on planes. Ugh. Again, the question pops in my head, why am I going???

I was actually asked why I decided to go while I was at work today. I didn't have a terribly great answer. I just explained that sex trafficking is a terrible thing and that I want to do what I can to help the young girls that are forced into such a terrible trade. He told me it takes a special person to do that. I have confidence that God has been preparing my heart... and will be up until the very moment I leave.

I am also nervous about saying the wrong things. As I think about the girls and how sometimes they are sold by family members, people they love and trust, husbands, aunts, uncles... I hope I can be sensitive to the fact that their view of family and friends and trust and love and even their view of life is going to be far different from my view. I live with a loving family who would never sell me to meet their financial needs. I have friends who would not trick me for the purpose of selling me. I will have a husband who will marry me to share life with me, not so it's easier to sell me. But they don't have that. Someday they may be able to have family, friends, and love the way I will. But right now they don't. I hope I can be sensitive to that and say the right things. More importantly, hopefully I won't say the wrong things.

Well, I think that concludes my final blog before I go. Please pray for all of the things I have mentioned. Also, I will leave a link to the website that will have trip updates throughout. I don't really know how often it will happen, but in case you care, here it is!

http://www.ciy.com/missions/trips/updates/

You should be able to find updates on there. I have no idea who will do it or when, but it will happen.

Please remember me for the next two weeks...and remember the 19 others I will travel with... and the kids at the Kids Club and young ladies of Rapha House as I share my love for Jesus with them. It's going to be an adventure!

It's all about the timing.

First, I just have to say that Kris Allen is quite amazing. I actually voted for the first time since Kelly. I have never wanted a person to win American Idol so bad. But I have also never wanted a person to NOT win so bad. (David Archuleta is close in who I wanted not to win, but I think I could have handled that okay...)

I just think that when a white guy from Arkansas sings a Kanye West song and like makes me LOVE a Kanye West song(a song that I previously hated)...he means business.

Anyway, more important things.

I am thankful for new beginnings and transitions. The transitioning of life is refreshing and a reminder that God's plans are what is right. I am just thankful for his timing.

Cambodia is nearing..but there's a lot before. I started working today. I don't love this job but it is great money. So I can't complain. Not to mention working with my sister is AWESOME! It's great to get tips again...I love taking money home everyday =)!

Saying goodbye yesterday was way hard. I cried a lot on Sunday night, a lot on Monday morning... so many tears. I hate leaving when things are just great. I didn't get to see Kara yesterday but as I drove away, all I could think about was leaving my two best friends. I haven't ever had a friend like Kara. I hate that our lives have to change so drastically to where we aren't even in the same place anymore... but soon we will be. I can't wait to go celebrate the most awesome party of her life with her. I am SO excited to be with her on that day.

I just can't thank God enough for his divine timing and the way that he shows us his love by timing things his own way. I am thankful he doesn't listen to me. I couldn't have pictured a better time.

Hellloooooo summer!

Summer is always an exciting word, but not today.

Summer=leaving Joplin. This is something I am not ready to do quite yet. Mostly because my two best friends will be here... and when I come back to Joplin in a few weeks, one of those best friends will be getting married. How weird. I don't know if I am ready to give her up as my roommate... I don't know if it is possible to find another match like us. We recently talked about how we can't really think of any times when we have ever actually been upset with each other, or not wanted to live together, or didn't look forward to seeing each other. And now that goes away. How sad. I am ready to have my own room and have a lot of space... but I'd rather have a roommate like Kara.

I am not quite ready to do this whole distance thing with Tyler AGAIN. It seems to be the story of our entire friendship/relationship. "Hey, it's summer, I'm gonna go to Poland. Hey, it's summer, I'm gonna go to Houston. Hey, it's summer, at least I am staying in Joplin!" He stays closer and closer every year, so that's good. But I'd prefer no hour and half drive. At least I know I am coming back and I don't just live an hour away like high school.

Summer also means things like working a ton, going to Cambodia, going to church camp... I am kinda walking in to the unknown on two big things. A. Cambodia, which I think is enough said. B. Camp. It's weird to think I am going somewhere besides Cyokamo. I feel like I am cheating on Cyokamo. But I am so looking forward to spending a week straight with this youth group and just getting to know them better. Not just that, letting them get to know me better. I can only build relationships to a certain extent by spending two 2 hour intervals with them a week. Maranatha, here I come!

I am really looking forward to a lot of things, I just wish I didn't have to leave people here in Joplin. But really, working with my sister, Cambodia, Florida, church camp, and spending time with my family and high school friends? I guess it won't be too bad!

For such a time as this...

It has been a long while! It has been a busy few weeks...so busy!

First off, school is so consuming. This has definitely been the hardest semester. I am not sure if I have had more/harder work or it's just that there have been a few other things taking up my time. I have thoroughly enjoyed my classes this semester though. Each has been super interesting and I have been learning so much.

This semester I was given the opportunity to write four sermons and preach two to my class. That was quite an experience. A great experience. I had the opportunity to debate hot topics in my Philosophy class. That was also quite an experience, not the best one. I am not that comfortable with speaking in front of people without being prepared. I managed to do this without crying and fleeing the scene so I did overcome the expectations I had =)! I got to spend three hours a week learning a million new things about counseling. That class has been wonderful. I got to spend three hours a week learning about the way different social and ethnic groups interpret the Bible... also looking at the history of interpretation. So interesting! I also spent one night a week learning about the many different topics that women struggle with and how to minister to them in their times of crisis. I learned so much and definitely feel more prepared for situations that could arise in my future and in the future of those around me.

The Jason Mraz concert was this week. That was so awesome! It was so awesome to get to go and spend a night out with Lydia and my mom. It was their first time to see him live, I am glad I got to witness it. He is such an amazing musician. It has been four years since he has been to Tulsa... hopefully it won't be another four years for him to return

The last really tiring thing that has happened as of late was the Girls Retreat. We spent all semester preparing and praying for the high school girls at College Heights Christian Church. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know if it would be incredible or just okay. I knew our plans were great, but would everything come together? It sure did. The team of women that I got to work with was amazing. I'll tell you what, even being a leader this weekend, I needed so much of it. Being consumed with school, working, raising money, preparing to go to Cambodia, preparing to end this school year and leave all of my friends for months has been so tiring. I just spent 24 hours with 40 high school girls and probably 15ish amazing women. I have said/thought this so many times in the past semester: why did I get to take part in something so great with women so great? I am a 20 year old girl who doesn't have life figured out. Why could I be chosen to minister to girls who think that when you are 20 you do know what's going on and what life is. Well I don't. But something I learned this weekend was that it wasn't an accident. It wasn't an accident that I got to help plan, that I was placed in the group of girls I was placed with, that I spent last night at Julie's house and got a little refreshing moment of talking about things that don't get talked about in my life.

God gave me a lot of surprises in the past week in preparation for this weekend and all of them were perfect. It wasn't an accident. As tiring as it was to staying up past 3:00 AM, play last night at House of Bounce, and wake up at 8 AM and do Zumba... it was worth the truth sessions and the Royal Party where the girls were treated as they should be. We had a beautiful banquet and were served by wonderful women. I can catch up on sleep. I wouldn't have missed this for the world.

A certain song became the theme, so if you don't mind, I'll be sharing some lyrics.

Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence
Falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You