A non-Cambodian post!

God is so good. Something happened last week and it has kinda been on my mind all week, so I might as well share it.

A student in our youth group talked to Tyler last week about wanting to be in a small group. She and another girl were hoping to get in one. He explained that small groups happen as students want them and leaders want them. So he told her he would talk to Beau, the high school minister, and get back to her. Just fifteen minutes or so after that I texted him. Earlier this year I was supposed to start leading my group of girls from our girls retreat as a small group, but only two could really commit to our group. So I was kinda bummed about not having a small group like I had planned so I didn't know how he would suggest I go about getting a small group. So naturally, he was kinda blown away about the timing of the two conversations. One week later I have five girls committing to a d-group with me. I am SO excited.

I had coffee this morning with our high school minister's wife, Michelle. I wasn't really sure why necessarily, all I knew is that God kinda laid it on my heart last week to meet with her and talk about this whole leading a small group thing. I am really glad I did. I left there feeling so encouraged. I mean, the whole timing made it apparent that this was God's idea and God's plan and not about how I want to lead girls, but about how he wants me to lead girls. But even after my conversation with Michelle I do feel that this is right. She gave me more insight on some of the girls that just really showed me that I have more to offer them than I thought.

After church tonight I still am feeling really encouraged. I feel like this is the exact group that God has decided for me to minister to. Each I feel I can relate to on a lot of different levels and I feel that God has good things in store.

I am also just so thankful for the ministry at College Heights. I told Michelle today that I have never thought I would even want to stay in Joplin for longer than I am going to school, but I would. I am so thankful to be in Joplin at this time. There are so many Godly women that are willing to invest in me and my life. I had a conversation tonight with a minister's wife. It just blows my mind that she genuinely cares for me, but it's obvious she does. We spent one semester working on the same team but she always stops to talk and my conversations with her leave me so encouraged. There are so many women in my life right now that are constantly pouring and I couldn't be more thankful. I have been very ready to move on from Joplin, but I do realize that I am never going to be in this place ever again. So I need to get what I can from it. Having this state of mind is such a blessing. It is so easy to hate where I am. Being in college is kinda rough sometimes, being where I am in relationships is rough, but I couldn't change anything. I am so thankful for where I am right now. There are so many people pouring in to mine and Tyler's lives. It's awesome.

Well there we go. My first post that is not about Cambodia, crazy! But I know that the changes that have happened in me in the past few months all began in Cambodia. So really- it all relates.

I hope your week is awesome!

Words

Whenever the word hope is mentioned, I picture two of the six year old girls experiencing their first month of true hope that they have been introduced to. Whenever the word justice is mentioned, I think of the people still begging on the side of the road in Cambodia and how they have yet to receive their justice. Whenever peace is mentioned, I think of the morning we spent touring Rapha House and I can clearly hear girls singing in Khmer. Whenever the word freedom is mentioned, I picture the girls playing soccer in the front. Whenever the word love is mentioned, I lose it completely. All I can think about is the love that I have for my two beautiful Khmer sisters. I think about how much they loved me. I think about how much God loves those amazing girls. I think about how their love literally changed my life. I think about how his love has changed their life. I think about how he loves the outcasts that fill Women's Island. He loves the kids at the kids club. He loves the parents that are only looking out for themselves. He loves the parents who sell their children. He loves the men who buy the children. That mostly leads to this: I think about how he still loves the offender. He loves the men who live in Cambodia and take part in the booming sex industry. He even loves the American business man who flies over seas to take part in this terrible act. His love isn't conditional. His love isn't reserved for the people who try to act according to his word. His love is reserved for every single person who has ever breathed a single breath.

Love is a crazy thing. I have never seen God's love as best as I saw it in Cambodia. Love has many different faces to me. People who love me, people who I love. It's never people that I should be loving but am not. Who am I to choose who is worth my love? I don't deserve God's love. I accept it and I am so thankful for it, but I have never done a single thing worth the amount of love he has for me. I get more from him than I deserve. For that reason, every single person I have ever seen, talked to, thought about, and those who I don't know exist, are worth every bit of my love.

If I don't love them, how will they ever know that God does?

Reflection

6/10/09

"Last night was eye opening. As we drove through Phnom Penh we began to see the Red Lights go on in the back of establishments. The girls began to take their places to be seen and attract customers. It was heart breaking. I wanted to jump out of the bus and save them but I know that some of them don't even want to be saved. It's so frustrating to witness it right in front of my face but do nothing about it. Why can't we save them?"

"As we walked down the isle the girls made, I cried. It was an experience I will never forget. I have no words to describe what it was like being celebrated by girls who have been raped and abused countless times. It was overwhelming.

The girls are beautiful. I think what makes them more beautiful than other Cambodian women that we have seen is their joy. The Lord brightly shines through their mouths, their eyes, and their voices. Who knew such young girls that have been through such terrible things could have more joy than I could. I love them so much."

6/11/09

"We got to take our tour of Rapha House this morning. The whole location was peaceful and calm. Very often we could hear girls singing in the background. It was beautiful. The buildings are beautiful and calm. You can just tell that God lives at Rapha House."

6/12/09

"After that, we sat on the porch. She just laid her head in my lap and I played with her hair. Love doesn't speak one language. It is a language. It was a beautiful moment."

"I saw her at the market. I didn't know she was shopping for me at the time though. The necklace has a guitar on it. It's not the prettiest necklace, but it's the most beautiful thing I own. I can't believe she spent money on me. I can see that she loves me. I love her so much. I will miss these two girls more than anything in the world."

6/13/09

"I learned tonight that I have to let go. In order to help them heal, I have to let go. I can be in their hearts and they can be in mine. I will see them again. I will spend eternity with them. I thank God for that. I can't wait to worship with my sisters in His very presence."

6/14/09

"My heart feels heavy. I already miss them so much. Their smiles are as bright as the sun and their laughter is the sweetest music this world could ever give. Their hugs are as sweet as can be and the way they hold my hand warms my heart. She was not as happy tonight. I know she was dreading our goodbye. So was I.

I felt so alone when driving away. I was on a bus full of people I have only known for a week. I had just said goodbye to people that I love. I longed for a familiar embrace. I longed for someone that knows me to comfort me.

I long for their protection. I pray that as sisters they will always watch over each other. Their sisterly love astounds me... and that they would treat me the same way. God blessed my heart through my sisters."

Progress

http://www.examiner.com/x-16813-Legal-News-Examiner~y2009m8d31-Operation-Twisted-Traveler-arrests-American-sex-tourists-in-Cambodia

I don't know if you have seen anything on the news about this, but it is making pretty big level news. And it's exciting.

People think that they can go to places like Cambodia and other countries in SE Asia and do what is unacceptable in America. I am not just saying that because that's what someone else told me. I say that because standing in a market in Siem Reap I overheard an man telling his son that it's okay to do this in Cambodia, but not at home. That's one of those stories that I don't think most people want to hear, but here are three men who did the same exact thing. And it's making headlines. To me, this is a good day. I know that it's not like they raided another brothel or arrested 50 people. But three more men out of Cambodia is a major victory. The news caring about this is huge. People are going to see this and realize that it isn't okay like they assume.

The hardest part about my whole trip wasn't being with girls who have been through sex-trafficking. The hardest part wasn't leaving Rapha House. The hardest part wasn't dealing with cultural differences. The hardest part was seeing western men walking the streets at night looking for places to go and not being able to do a single thing about it. This is why this one story of three men feels like a huge milestone to me. Because I have seen men just like them. I have been to the exact village they mention in that article.

I cry a lot about things that have to do with Cambodia... pretty much everyday. But tonight it's not a sad cry. These are tears of extreme hope in the fact that God will bring justice in His time. Even if it happens slowly. He doesn't abandon His people.