Goodbye to a crazy, unpredictable year.

Dear God,

I am not the least bit sad to see 2011 to go. Don't get me wrong, you've been really good at teaching me things this year. I am thankful 2011 happened, but would love if I never experienced another year like it. This year you gave me challenges I never wanted to go through. I went through them and now I bid them adieu.

In March you gave me a class that change my perspective on just about everything in life. You changed my perspective on culture and how to adjust to culture. You changed my perspective on food. You changed my perspective on ministry and relationships. You prompted some big changes in my life. This is one of the things about 2011 that I can't thank you enough for giving me. It was a challenging blessing. It was so necessary in order for me to become the me you created me to be. Oh and thanks for letting me learn this in a great setting- NYC!

In May, two spectacular things happened. One is bad, one is good. Let's start with the good. You let me graduate from college! I said goodbye to early classes, long exegeticals, and impossible tests! Goodbye "student" life- hello real life! You gave me a great blessing...my college degree. I couldn't be more thankful.

But unfortunately, May 22 is a day I remember even better than the previous day. I mean, I learned a lot through that. I am thankful for the lessons learned but I would never say I am thankful for the devastation and lives lost. Thank you for challenging my emotional and physical strength, and the ability to support my husband who saw and did much more in those weeks than I did. I grew a lot, but I wish it would have never happened. But I think everyone learned something about Joplin in 2011 too: That town is full of strength and hope that nothing could ever destroy. Thanks for letting the nation see that.

In June you prompted me to be proactive and change my life. Thus began the 6th months of weight loss for me. Besides my graduation, it's the biggest accomplishment in 2011- one of the biggest in my life too. 6 months and 25 lbs lighter- 2012 will not see an overweight me! I thank you for that. I have never felt better about my physical, emotional, and spiritual health. This change began in mid-June and I am so excited to start 2012 as a better me! And although I don't have the classic before and after photos like on the infomercials, you can see a snapshot of what we have both accomplished physically in 2011:

Before:

And after:

In August, we did the unthinkable. We moved to Owasso. You blessed me with a great job and amazing bosses. You blessed us with amazing time with family. You blessed us with the lesson of flexibility and patience. You broke our confidence and our hearts at times. Doors were opened and doors were closed. And I mean every door we knocked on. But we know there's one that is appropriate for us to walk to- I am just praying that we find that door in 2012.

Here we are anxious for 2012 and what it holds for us. I can name a few things I want 2012 to give us, but after the unpredictable year we just had, all bets are off. The door is open for whatever you want to do. We are all ears, ready to go. But if we are supposed to wait, we are ready for that to. Lead us where you want and we will go. In 2011 you showed us how you provide and how the safety of leaning on you is so much better than any earthly security we could ever have.

With all of our love,

Tyler and Abigail Lane

As of lately...

Okay, it has obviously been awhile. For more than one reason I have refrained from blogging. Mostly for my own sanity because I assumed every blog before a job came along would be full of complaining of our unemployment lifestyle. From time to time throughout this unemployment, different things happen to trigger some pretty heavy thankfulness from me. Basically, I am overwhelmed by how God has chosen to take care of us.

Last January we began looking lightly for a youth ministry to move on to when Tyler's interim ministry came to an end. In April we began to search heavily. Since then we have been moving non stop to try and decipher God's plan for our lives. The farther along we get, the more we realize it is not something for us to decipher but rather waiting on God to reveal his plan for our lives.

Time and time again I am reassured that we are following God's leading in our lives. About mid July we decided to move home which I think was not necessary something we had to do but something that seemed right for us at the time. While my heart yearns for the relationships I left behind in Joplin, I couldn't be more thankful for the lessons God has taught us in Owasso. Each time we return to Joplin, I am reminded of relationships that will always mean the world to me. It's always great to catch up with students and see how well they are doing. I love those kids, but I am longing for new kids to love on and grow with.

My main thoughts over the last couple of days is that I may have anticipated this time of sabbatical to be one of emptiness and desert. I thought it might be a time of depression and anxious yearning for the next thing. While there are definitely moments of these feelings, there are a thousand more moments of complete fullness and joy. My heart is constantly being filled by words that God has given to different authors and mentors who have passed them on to me. (Not to mention that I am pretty sure a wonderful author (Shauna Niequist) wrote the book Bittersweet for me in this exact season of life. It pretty much brings me to tears each time I read the truth my soul needs.)

Tyler and I are currently "house sitting" or I guess, "fish sitting" for some new friends we've made. While feeding their cute little Beta yesterday, I noticed that my friend Brittany had written "Where God guides, God provides" on a white board in their kitchen. It's almost as if God had her write those words for me so that I could accurately relate what I am feeling right now. That is just it, he's been guiding us all along and I assure that he has never stopped providing for us. It fills my heart to know that that simple truth will never run out of accuracy and that as long as we are following his lead, he will provide all that we need.

We're home!... For now

Well, it has almost been a week since Tyler and I officially left Joplin for the final time. Of course we plan to visit, but now our home is somewhere else. It's weird to talk about it being home because well, it is home to me but it's not really home to us... And we are definitely hoping it's not home for long. Not because it's a bad situation, because it's great. But because Tyler really wants to be in ministry and we are ready for God's next big adventure for us.

Learning how to live in a new town is difficult... Yet for me it's not because this town is not new to me at all. But it's almost like I have to re-learn daily life in this town. My life is drastically different than last time I lived here (ahem, the whole husband thing) so it's a very different situation than ever before.

I have a part-time job with some really fun and Jesus loving people which is great and a HUGE blessing. God dropped this one in my lap, I couldn't be more thankful. Tyler is working on finding a job and will hopefully get something that he can still be passionate about while he is in transition from one ministry to the next.

We describe this time as a transition for a reason. We can't describe it as long-term, but we really don't know how temporary it is. I have to remind myself daily that while ideally we would be moving on in the next couple of months, it might be longer. God has led us here on purpose and he will lead us somewhere else. While it is important for us to focus on the future (finding a job), I need to remember to be focused on here. We get to see family, be involved in a great church, and work jobs that we can enjoy for a little while. There really is no reason why our lives can't be full of fun and passion while we are here, in our transitional state!

In the past month I have...

-Packed up and moved out of my very first apartment and very first home with Tyler (don't worry, Tyler is coming too!)
-Moved about 90% of our personal belongings to Owasso
-Accepted a much needed (gift from God) temporary job in Owasso
-Began to become very sad about leaving Joplin.

Man, what a strange thing it is to leave one home to go to another. The only two places I have ever really considered home are Owasso and Joplin. So much has changed within me since moving to Joplin, that moving back to Owasso seems a bit scary at times. I am not at all the person I used to be, for starters I am moving back to Owasso with a husband. It's just weird to move back home from the place I now know and love as my home.

I never knew I would be so terribly sad over leaving Joplin. I knew I loved Joplin as my new home but especially after church today and speaking with several students and their parents about us leaving, I am genuinely bummed to be leaving. There are so many students that I have just started relationships that I am dying to see all the way through high school. There is a student I got to see through three years of high school but am departing for her senior year. There are students I am sending off to college and wish I would be in Joplin for when they return for weekend visits.

I'm prepared for things like handling finances, I'm prepared to help students when they ask tough questions, I am prepared to be a minister's wife and all that it entails, but what I don't feel prepared for is how to leave a ministry. It's an incredibly hard process to say goodbye to students that I want to be here for. I know that God will protect them and guide them and provide the adults they need. But it's still extremely hard. It's hard to know what to say when a parent comes up and expresses their sadness over us leaving, even though we all know that it is best and that God's got something coming our way. It's still just so hard.

I thought that since everyone around us knew it was coming- that we wouldn't be in Joplin much longer after a full time youth minister was hired- that maybe it would make it easier. But it's still one of the saddest goodbyes I have ever had. I think there's a point to which I can be sad, but then there's a point in which I have to trust God enough to know that these students will flourish even after we are gone. I want to have a hand in it and I want to help control it, but the fact is that I can't. All I can pray is that the seeds we have planted will be watered by people that enter their lives in the future. I know it's not us that has made the difference but just what God has been able to do through us. It's never been my power that has done anything good but God's power through me. And God's power will still reside in Joplin through others after I am gone. These students will still be loved after Tyler is no longer their youth ministry. Now I must realize that God's got some other students for us to love.

Back to uncertainty

It's been a rough month. Tyler and I have had to make lots of decisions, not necessarily fun ones. We have received prompting by our circumstances to hurry some decisions along, and here we are. On the verge of another (and quite unexpected) adventure.

I admit that for awhile, I was feeling pretty discouraged. I think it's really hard to be wanting to do ministry but no where to do it. It's easy to get the mindset that because we want to serve God through vocational ministry that he would just provide a ministry at the drop of a hat. But what has become even more clear as the moments pass is that we have the right ministry, the right fit.

I know it's coming. These days I am feeling a bit more optimistic. Maybe it's because we are starting fresh with some churches, the churches we were interested in before have since moved in different directions, I don't know. I think it's just the exciting possibility of it coming soon has come back in to view. Again, I find myself a little more excited rather than fearful of the unknown. I am relying heavily on God to provide this optimism and joy to get me through, and I am glad to say he is providing like crazy.

It all ends...

There are so many thoughts and life events I want to blog about, but unfortunately these important real-life situations must wait until later this week, or perhaps next week after my life has settled down a bit. Although, I am not sure it will actually feel settled until about 3 weeks from now.

When I was in 5th grade, we had a reading time after lunch. This was not individual reading, but my teacher, Mrs. Tingiris, would read a book out loud to us. When she began Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, I had no idea what that book would mean to me one day. Back then it was not a big deal for a Christian to read this innocent book.

I wasn't much of a reader until 8th grade. In 8th grade I decided to pick up Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and see where this story went after it's start. I quickly read through each Harry Potter book available at that time. By the time the fifth book arrived in stores, I was one of the loyal fans who rushed to the store on the day it could be sold and spent all of my time reading until I was finished. I remember that I finished Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by the second night I had it, well, I guess early morning of the third day. I stayed up as late as possible to finish it.

I give a lot of credit to J.K. Rowling when it comes for my love to read fiction stories. I am not a huge fan of fantasy and have tried to read other books, but there's something so captivating about a fantasy book taking place in our world. There was something so captivating about this story that was born out of a mother's love for her child.

There was a time when Christians who read Harry Potter were criticized for reading "witchcraft". It has always astounded me because those people clearly had never read Harry Potter and had no idea that this story could have been born without the spells and magic. That this story was one of a mother who loved her child and sacrificed herself for him. That it was this son's will to restore the world back to good, to rid the world of evil. Sure, it's more exciting, adventurous, and thrilling with all of the spells and ideas of a world of magic but I would hardly attribute the best qualities of this story to anything with magic. The best qualities are the ones of grace, redemption, and love... and trust me, there is so much of each in these stories.

I was so bummed to go to the movie today knowing it is my last opportunity to re-live how it felt the first time I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (by FAR my favorite of the 7!). But I left so satisfied and reminded that how it ended was perfect and I wouldn't want it to go on any longer, because all was resolved and all was well.

Harry Potter is so dear to my heart because it got me to a state where reading was (and still is) my favorite pastime. I long for the day when I feel my children are old enough to comprehend this fantasy world (mostly comprehend that it is just that-a fantasy) and decide to spend their time, energy, and emotion in reading such great stories. Sure, there will be others, maybe some just as good, just as there are old fantasy favorites of so many. I hope that I have at least one child that will enter this world and love it as much as I do. Until then, I will talk Tyler's ear off with details of this fantasy world not seen in the movies until he decide to pick up the books himself.

Time to think and time to grow

Tyler and I hoped that we would be moving somewhere to start a new youth ministry no later than early June. Obviously, our plan was the not the plan that worked out. Waiting on God to provide for us what we really want has been really difficult. But it has definitely allowed us to see more clearly how he provides our for us in the ways we truly need.

My job was technically supposed to end with graduation. The bookstore only hires students and actually they don't typically hire anyone for the summer. My boss was so gracious to me and allowed me to stay on for this summer. It's not the most thrilling job but it's a job I know I can leave on short notice if we are called somewhere else, and it's also a simple job that helps get the bills paid. I desperately needed a job as Tyler's job (hours and pay) was changing a lot mid-May. God provided a lot by allowing me to keep my job.

We knew that if we were going to be in Joplin, we needed to surround ourselves with friends that we could really relate to. This whole year we haven't had a lot of friends that are really in the same stage of life as us and that has been hard. We were both so busy during the school year so finding a new life group or something was not something that got to happen. At the end of the semester we were approached about joining a life group, led by a couple who wanted to be there for young couples in the middle of transition. We have only been able to meet three or four times so far, but it's so refreshing to meet with couples who are as in awkward situations as we are. Relationships are so important and God provided a very specific group of people that we could walk through this weird time with.

For a few months, Tyler and I saved all of the money that would typically go to paying off my student loans for what we call "surplus" because we knew this summer would be tough financially. We anticipated having to use it starting June 1. Well. Here's the thing. Somehow, God provided more money than we planned for because not only have we had to use very little of that amount- we added to it! We actually had extra money. I think we will need it later this month, but God provided extra hours and a strange pay period so that we will be able to last on our two part time jobs a little bit longer. 

Sure, we have been a bit frustrated. All Tyler wants is to do God's will and to do ministry somewhere. But here's the thing, I am not even close to say that God hasn't been with us and watching over us this whole time. He provides the the things we need while we wait. I am so thankful that we didn't jump to find ways to provide for ourselves, but allowed ourselves to live a little more simply and see how God can provide some great things. Perhaps it is because we cannot provide these things for ourself that we can see God more clearly working right now. I know that he will let us do ministry. I know that he has places in mind that we would best serve him, and we will wait. But it's a great joy of mine to reflect on the simple ways he provides while we wait. We are not alone.

It continues...

Everytime Tyler and I get semi-negative news regarding a full-time job, temporary job, or even housing, I keep thinking that will be the last thing. That the next news we get has got to be good news. Well, I've been wrong most of these times. Don't get me wrong, several really great things have happened in the past 2 months, God has obviously been providing in ways we never thought he would. We are so grateful for his provision and care in our lives.

But now life gets interesting. In the next month or so we have to make some decisions. They could be easy, no-brainers, but they could be quite complicated. All I am saying is that Tyler and I are in need of great prayer as we have to decide what is best for us in all areas of life. Life is very good and God is so good to us, but life is also extremely awkward right now. Transitions are quite the tricky little situations to get through.

As I look forward to the next month, I can honestly say I have no idea where we will be living, working, and worshipping God. No idea at all. I've thrown all stability out the window for the next month. And now I just ask that anyone who reads these words is praying diligently that God will continue to provide and surprise us as he has been for the past year. I ask that you pray that when we do have to make decisions, we will have great guidance and make good choices. Thank you so much.

One year!

A year ago today (June 11th) I was still wondering if I was really going to get to marry Tyler the next day. After meeting Tyler seven years earlier, I never thought it would actually happen. I knew for so long that I would marry Tyler eventually, but when that time came it still seemed too good to be true.

Here I am a year later about to celebrate my first year of marriage with Tyler. It's hard to believe that my life has changed so much in a year but it really has. I was such a different person a year ago and I am so much better off having spent a year living with and spending life with Tyler. Marriage is not something that either of us took lightly and I think that helped make it easier as we prepared to enter a covenant relationship.

So here's a look at our first year of marriage. I don't take a lot of pictures like I used to but I am sure I have some that will recap a lot of what we did!

We began our marriage by spending several days in Cancun. Best decision ever!

We went to a Springfield Cardinals game with our friends John Mark and Lesley!

We got to go to an OSU game and we both got new OSU shirts... my wardrobe is changing a lot (with the addition of more orange!)

Tyler got to meet my Khmer sister, Theara. This was quite a big deal to me as she represents much of the good in Cambodia.

We got to go to TWO OSU football games this year! It was my first Bedlam experience... and boy was it a crazy one.

We spent lots of time with my nieces!

We celebrated our first Christmas together and got to spend this Christmas Eve with my family.

We too our first mini-vaca to Branson for a couple of nights to do some shopping (at wonderful outlets!) and regroup before I started my last semester of college.

We experienced the biggest blizzard either of us have ever seen... 18 inches of snow and 3 days stuck in the apartment with no where to go! It was a blast!

We went on many dates to celebrate various things, and sometimes not celebrating anything in particular at all.

We got to celebrate my parents 30th anniversary by hanging out with my family and taking family pictures for the first time in a few years.

We celebrated the resurrection of our Savior... and we took our first porch pic!

We celebrated my graduation from college.

Unfortunately the next day we also experienced our town being hit with one of the most devastating tornados of all time. I don't have pictures to share because anyone who can read this blog has already seen them all. It is a part of our first year of marriage and hopefully the only year we have to face such devastation in a place we love so much.

This year has been the best. I can't thank Tyler enough for simply loving and caring for me as he leads us  in life. It is a truly great experience to be married and to be married to someone who loves God and me so much that his whole life reflects that. Thanks Tyler, I love you! 

Finally Summer!

Summer started two weeks ago for me. But the first week of summer just didn't feel like summer. I spent almost every moment on edge for the next storm, sitting in front of our TV hanging on to every word the news stations would say to me, and crying a lot over what has been lost.

This week I started to finally feel the joy of my favorite time of year. The summer heat and humidity of this area is a wonderful feeling. Finally being able to wear summer clothes and use the heat as an excuse to eat ice cream everyday has released me from some of the anxiety I have been feeling over the past couple of months.

I am finally able to relax and focus on getting on track again. School is so consuming that so many things fall by the wayside- most importantly fun reading! I have finally been able to sit and read books that I picked out and will not have to write a report over or test over. Books that will benefit specific issues within myself that need molding into something better. In this first glorious week of summer, I have already come to many conclusions that I lost sight of during the school year.

Our life is not exactly what we had hoped for a year ago. God hasn't just given us an easy sign of where we are going and what we are doing. We both have part time jobs which means two things: not a lot of income and a ton of free time. I have been greatly enjoying all of the time I get to spend with Tyler right now. It's a blessing for sure.

But I definitely feel more excited about our unknown future. While it would be so awesome to know what God is doing right now, we know we have to continue to wait. Something about this made me excited again... excited that at this moment in time, God could take us anywhere to do anything. My God doesn't have limits- and we have put ourselves at his mercy. It's exciting to know that he is doing something (even though we have no idea what), and whatever he is doing is going to allow us to serve him wholeheartedly. It's scary to not have a full time job or know when our financial situation will get better... but as we have been saying for months: God has never abandoned us or not provided for us. He has continued to do so through this very moment and will continue to do so. Until then, we will prepare for God's awesome plan that he has for us.

Someone who has "normal" going on.

Yesterday Tyler and I had the pleasure of delivering some needed items to a family who lost everything in the tornado. This family is very dear to the hearts of everyone in my family, so it was great to see them and be able to see how my family can bless them. One of the things the wife said to me was that it was good to see and talk to people who have "normal" going on, as their lives are extremely far from normal at this time. She said they have spent much time with people who are far from normal right now, so it's refreshing to be reminded that normalcy is still happening right now.

Well, what normal is for me in Tyler is even changing. This past weekend I was able to spend much time with my family and outside of the devestation that is Joplin. It was great to be in a town that is not mas chaos. It was great to not go out in public and be extremely aware that I am very clean and have nice clothes. Sometimes in the past week I have felt like I am in a different country because so much of this town is wearing someone elses clothes, digging through rubble all day, and not having the same hygiene situations as before. It's like being the minority in your hometown. Weird stuff. Anyway...

Normal for us means back to the grind of working part time and searching wholeheartedly for a place for Tyler to serve full time. Normal for us might mean Tyler working two part time jobs, me tossing around the idea of finding a job with more hours. Normal for us means constantly praying for God to open a door. I'm not gonna lie... right now would be a good time to leave Joplin as 4,000 jobs have been affected. Here we are, searching for a 3rd job in our family.

I know that God has kept us here for reasons. I know for a fact that God is working, but we are anxiously awaiting for him to reveal what he is doing. I am glad we are here so that we can serve this town. I know if we had moved recently we would be heartbroken not being in this place that we love and have called home for four and five years. So maybe that's a reason why we are here. Other things have happened too in the past week that make me reconsider why we are still in Joplin. Maybe we are here to minister in ways we did not anticipate ministering.

The main point of all of this is that even though our lives are continuing as normal right now, we are still trying to find our new normal... a normal without school, without one full time job, without much of a plan for the future. We are sure that God has a plan and that he is working and there is a purpose for us staying in Joplin for now. We are just waiting, waiting, and waiting some more for him to provide the means for us to survive in Joplin until we can leave.

Waiting is the worst. On the bright side, I get to wait with Tyler... and boy, does that make life interesting.

One of the weirdest experiences ever.

Can I tell you about how weird Sunday was? So weird.

Tyler's parents left in the late afternoon. We both quickly fell asleep on our couch and loveseat. Graduation weekend was exhausting and our last guests had just left. I set my alarm to wake me up around 6 PM, but received a text message (and unfortunately my cell was not on silent) that woke me up. When I woke up proably around 5 or so, there was a constant rolling thunder. I went outside because it was sunny. I just stood outside watching lightning and darkness to the west and sunshine to the east. It was a very eerie thunder that took no break in between clap. It was weird but kind of cool.

I went back inside and the rain started. I watched the calm spring storm- one of the reasons why I love this part of the country so much. Quickly the storm picked up and the rain was not so calm, the winds came, and the hail came. But if I am honest- it was nothing to take cover from. This was the same storm we experienced a week earlier. I opened the door after the hail started and went outside, Tyler finally woke up to the noise the open door let in. We watched the storm and watched the news as they told us a tornado was approaching Joplin. The sirens went off so I stayed inside, but we did not experience any of the typical signs of a tornado- black clouds and sky, the noise of a train, or even a green sky.

At 6:11 PM Tyler got a text message from a mother of his friend who lives in Oklahoma. She informed us that she saw there was a devestating tornado in Joplin and wanted to check on us. We were both pretty shocked that something big had happened, we did not experience anything worth checking on. Not long later my best friend from high school, Whitney, texted me to check on us. She told me about the footage she was watching on TV- a hospital destroyed, bodies in the street, a main business street destroyed.. Again, I was so confused that anything worth checking on had happened. The texts and phone calls flooded in regarding our safety, and those were much appreciated. So many people in Oklahoma saw what happened here before we did, so as you can imagine we were anxious to start seeing the damage that was done.

It was so weird to not know how bad everything was when it was just a few miles away. It was so weird to receive our information via text message from people in Oklahoma who saw my town destroyed before I did. It was so weird to stand on my porch thinking about God's strength and the beauty of this world through the storm, while it was killing the people of my town. God protected us. And now he comforts those who lost loved ones.

When I woke up on Monday I was just confused. I knew something was wrong but I couldn't remember what. I had a bad feeling in my stomach but it took me awhile to figure out why. It wasn't until I began to check my social media outlets and noticed people talking about how Al Roker was in Joplin... oh yeah. That's why I feel so sad. I just cried for awhile before pulling myself out of bed to go downstairs and watch things like the Today Show report from a few miles away. Most mornings I have woken up early and not been able to fall back asleep. With our internet at home being out we have relied on our smart phones and the news to show us what is happening in town. It was not until this week that I actually listened to the radio in my car. I am so thankful we have so many outlets to keep us informed.
Today I am just so thankful for God's peace and presence among his people. He does not abandon us. He remains our refuge and strength no matter what is happening. My favorite verse is always helpful in times like these, I have relied on it a lot.

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NLT)

What to say...

I hardly have any words to describe everything I have felt for the past week, and more specifically the last three days. A friend of mine lost her husband last week. Then I celebrated graduating from college. Then the town I have called home for the past 4 years was leveled by several vortexes... All either EF4 or EF5 tornados. I am not one who has lived a life without tragedy. But every tragedy is different. This is one I never prepared myself for.

Obviously, Tyler and I are great. Our apartment was not touched. We saw some hail and rain and some wind but that's it. We kept hearing from friends and family in Oklahoma before we were even seeing anything on the news. All we knew was that a tornado hit and we knew the location but we had to get in our info elsewhere. It was a crazy night. It has been hard to rely on social media to know what is going on. But we are okay.

I've seen things I never thought I would see. And trust me, I have already seen a lot. But to see your town in utter devestation is hard to explain. It is also really weird to be scared by storms. I have lived my whole life in tornado alley. I can only recall two, maybe three times in my life that I actually took cover during threatening weather. Last night, we went across town to a basement. I can say that we are all shaken up- no matter how far we were from the tornado. The lightest wind and roll of thunder is a threat to us now. It's a scary feeling.

Thank you for praying and don't stop. 750 people are still missing. Obviously over 120 people are dead. Too many friends of mine have lost everything. Pray, pray, pray. Don't stop.

Graduation

Sorry it has been quite awhile since I blogged. I seem to always take a break while life is either: very busy or not going how I planned... which I guess has been both for the last month.

But today we shall focus on the fact that I graduated from college yesterday! Hooray!

I have been waiting for this for some time. But I truly have mixed feelings regarding ending my time at Ozark. Ozark has very easily become my home. I was just sharing with Tyler that it is going to be so strange to leave Joplin and not really have reasons to come back... once we leave we will be visiting Owasso, Stillwater, and Fayetteville... not Joplin. What a weird feeling to consider leaving the place that has morphed me in to who I need to be.

Graduation was a wonderful ceremony. At the Baccalaureate service on Friday night my parents were asked to share a testimony regarding how Ozark has influenced our family. It was so much fun to have my parents personally involved. They did such a good job sharing and also challenging my class to influence people in a good way- a way that will make them thirst for God and hopefully lead them to Ozark. It was a really really cool thing that I will never forget. It was a pretty cool thing for my parents to give my lifelong blessing to my whole graduating class. Oh yeah, not to mention that I was able to sit by Kara during Baccalaureate... how very appropriate and wonderful to reunite with her!

Commencement was also a great ceremony. Almost all of my family was there and honestly, that might have been what I looked forward to most! Having everyone (minus Joely) together is such a wonderful thing. It was nice to finally have things come to a close. The only time that made me very emotional was when we were asked to appreciate our professors. My professors are the reason why I don't want to leave this place. They care so deeply for each and every student and I feel like I still have so much to learn from them. What a blessing to be led by Godly men and women who want nothing but the best for me.

So, I can't believe it is done. I can't believe I won't be attending classes there again. I also can't believe we aren't on our way to a new adventure. Tyler and I are still waiting patiently for guidance and leading to wherever God wants us to go. We are so committed to serving him wholeheartedly where he can best use us... but waiting is definitely hard. At least for now we have had some great blessings through family and kindhearted bosses that want to help take care of us while our life is in an in between stage. God has definitely shown himself through this process. We are very certain that he is brewing something for us but that his timing is different than ours.

Until then we will love where we are and love the people here. We have a lesser role in the youth group now... but we have new opportunity to spend time with couples our age and I have a new opportunity for a Bible study. We will definitely be taking advantage of where we are and the great church that surrounds us. We know God is keeping us here right now for a reason, so we will use that. We want to bloom wherever we are planted, but we are still looking forward to whatever is next for us.

"May the Lord bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you, may he be compassionate and gracious, and give you peace." Numbers 6:24

They will see you before they see your Jesus

Fashion. Its one of the driving forces of city life. Sure, people here in Joplin and other rural/suburban areas like to be fashionable. But honestly, it's not near as important to be up in the newest fashion here as it is in the city.

When it comes to reaching other cultures, I learned that it is important to meet the culture on surface levels. That when I go in to a new culture, if I am still dressed as my middle-class midwestern self, I am automatically setting myself a part from them. Now, I get there is a difference between indulging oneself in the culture and still not being of this world. I don't think the point is to adapt morals and views of this world. But strictly on surface levels- you've got to be who you want to reach.

Our learning experience for this topic was a trip to Bergdorf & Goodman. If you don't know anything about high fashion- this is the pinnacle. This is the top of high class/high fashion in New York City. It's on 5th Avenue, right next door to the Plaza. It's a fancy part of town- Tiffany's is just across the street. Our assignment was simply to go, browse, and try something on. In the past, groups from Missouri have been treated very poorly. One girl asked to try something on, but was refused "the right" to try something on because she could not pronounce the name of the designer. No joke. This is because the instant a middle class citizen walks in to that store, they automatically count you out. They know you are not buying anything but maybe want to see what it's like to wear something fancy, worth thousands of dollars. I get it though- I walk in to a homeless shelter and totally judge as well. Even though I don't treat them poorly, I have my own ideas and stereotypes about those people. There's no way that me walking in to Bergdorf & Goodman dressed as a middle class citizen from small town Missouri could ever reach those people for Jesus without making some lifestyle changes.

Our professor led by example when it comes to fashion. First thing I noticed when I met him was that he was fancy. That's the best word for it. Tailor-made suits, he matched his shoes to his belts, even sometimes his lasses. He just looked high class. Well, he has a financial company that helps with capital campaigns. He helps churches and schools raise money for building projects. Who do you think his target is for such projects? Middle class citizens? Maybe. Lower class citizens? Doubtful. High class? Most likely. He lives on Lakeshore Drive in Chicago- he's going after the people with the money. And that's how he dresses. I appreciated that example more than anything.

It's so funny- I never think about targeting the rich. To me that seems a little out of reach because I don't know how to meet the needs of a person in high society. It's because they don't have physical needs to be met. What they need is Jesus and they have no idea they even need anything but money. 

He just kept telling us- They are going to see your clothes before you can even introduce them to Jesus. They are going to see your hair before they see your Jesus. They are going to see you before they see your Jesus. When it comes to reaching a different culture, people who are not Christians in this culture, are going to judge me before they judge my Jesus.

Let's Talk About Church

While in New York we went to two different churches. One of these churches was multi-cultural. The people of their church are divided like this: 1/3 hispanic, 1/3 asian, 1/3 english speaking. Talk about a culture shock! We went to the hispanic/english service while a mandarin Chinese service took place in the lower part of the building.

Prior to the service we had the opportunity to have a small question/answer time with some of the pastors. During this time we got to see their heart for this city, ministry, and the community. It was during this time that I saw that the norm of how people view the church in this area is not the same as how the church is viewed in the mid-west. It's not that no one in the midwest holds this view, but I do think you will find their focus is a bit different.

I began to see that what happens in side the church walls is not the focal point of the things they do. This church does not have a single sign out side of it's walls, there are no advertisements in the city as other churches have. So our first question was: "How do you bring people inside the church?" Well, as it turns out, what happens out side of the church walls is what is important. Don't get me wrong- they love coming together as a community and family to worship and learn more about be a disciple of Christ. But what good is it if they are not sharing the love of Jesus Christ with the people of their community?

I do think churches do a good job of reaching out to the community. And I do think there must be a healthy balance because I find that church services are important. But I think at times, the service becomes the focal point because that is what church is in our culture. People living on Manhattan don't just go to church because it is the cultural norm, like people do here. So I get that there community outreach has to be their focal point in order to show people Jesus.

I just want my view of the church to reflect the model that this church in New York City laid before me. A model of the church being a great place for worship for the family, but if the church as a body is not focusing on what happens outside of the walls, what happens in the walls is missing something. It's easy to think that if we can just get people inside of the church, we can show them Jesus. But I want to remember in my own life that if I don't show Jesus to people while I am outside of the church walls, they probably won't ever make it inside the walls.

When I Became a Cultural Exegete

Well, I am back from New York City. I must say, I have never had an experience quite like the one I had this time around in the big apple.

If you ask me what the best part was: it was class. This class challenged just about every avenue of my life. It challenged the way I have lived my life prior to March 24th and how my life will be lived from now on. It challenged my view of the city and of ministry in the city. It challenged my view of poverty and the term "inner city". It challenged what I eat, drink, wear, and buy on a daily basis. It has literally challenged just about every thought I have in my daily life here in Joplin.

Now, that sounds like a lot. It is a lot. But I am not kidding when I say it challenged every aspect of my life. Not in a radical-my whole life is going to be different-way. It changed it in a, do I really understand what drives me and why I make the choices I make? Or am I in zombie world, making decisions based off of routine and what my life is supposed to be? I do think my life will be/is different than before. Don't expect a radical change in my life, but just a version of me that is aware. I am now, and forever want to be a cultural exegete.

It's nearly impossible for me to express what I learned. I am having a hard time with that. I do classify this class and trip experience as one of the top three most influential experiences I have ever had. No joke. God stirred up a brand new passion in my heart. He opened my eyes to things that I did not see before.

Okay, enough of the class-talk! I will be re-living my every day experiences over the next several days. But it would all be pointless if I did not first express the great impact the actual class had on my life. Because that is the point. Yes, I did a ton of really fun and really cool things while I was there. But just as anyone asks me about my trip I first tell them that if they have the opportunity to take this class: they must. It is too important not to know how to exegete the city.

Making a plan with God in mind...

This weekend Tyler and I had the great pleasure of spending a lot of time with my entire family. Joely came from Portland, The Smiths from Fayetteville, and us from Joplin. We were all brought together by two things: 1. Joel was coming home and that does not get to happen often and 2: We were able to celebrate my parents 30th anniversary. It is not until April, but only seemed appropriate that we celebrate while we could all be together.

I was SO super excited about being at my home church for once, it does not happen very often. Today my father continued through a series on the book of James. James is a great, practical book that I read through often. So many simple principles, so many important principles too. One of the points he made is that we need to make plans with God in mind.

It is no secret that Tyler and I are trying to make plans right now. I was almost comforted while challenged in this thought. Our soul focus while job searching has been God. We have not put hardly any limits on what we want including where we end up moving. What we care about is where God can use us best. We know that if we follow his plans for us, we will be used in the best ways possible and his kingdom will benefit more than if we follow our own plans. I have seen way too many people in my life make plans without God in mind- simply because they can. The more people I see planning around themselves rather than how God can use them, the more I know I do not want to do that. It's not even that I think God can't use us when we don't follow him closely. I think God can and will and does use us whenever we offer ourselves to him. But I think it is key to Tyler and I that we go exactly where he needs us, to do things only we can do, to fulfill a plan he laid out to us. Right now we are looking to him and saying "Where does this take us? What does this mean?" It's hardly about what sounds appealing to us in any way. There is a part of me that knows how scary this is- to surrender ourselves without limits of where we will go.... but the benefit of the kingdom is too great to ignore where he is taking us.

It's great to have a good phrase for what we are doing. We are making plans with God in mind. God is in the center of all of our plans. There is no other way to us, but his way. I think he allows us to make choices, but I know that there is a specific place that we can serve him best and we are seeking wholeheartedly for that place right now.


"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.'" James 4:13-15

Busy, busy, busy!

I know it has been awhile since I blogged. When life picks up, my blog is the first to be tossed aside.

So what has been keeping me so busy, you ask? Well, lots of things really! 

First, homework. Being a senior has been good for me though. Not sure if I have mentioned it previously, but rather than any apathy taking place, the fact that I am so close to being done is pure motivation. I have so much excitement and energy to put in to my assignments. I recently turned in my last exegetical. This was a good feeling, but I know I still have several papers left. But like I said, I am completely motivated to finish strong! Graduation is only 75 days away!

Ministry is also a big part of our lives, obviously. This weekend we spent much time with the new high school minister and his family as they were introduced to sponsors, staff, elders, and the congregation. It has been a great time, I must say I really like the Hansen's and know they will do a great job at College Heights. They are so excited to be a part of all that College Heights is doing in the community. His passion is very apparent. While this weekend was great, it was very tiring. I am not quite the social butterfly that being a minister's wife forces me to be sometimes. It is quite tiring to be around people so much, but luckily I don't have to be around many people for a few days. This is good news!

We have been pretty busy looking for and praying about our next step. Now that CHCC has a new minister coming (and soon!) it makes us pretty anxious to figure out what's next for us. God has shown us a few opportunities. Unfortunately a lot of these opportunities mean waiting on churches to respond. We are both so confident though that this is in God's hands. While we are uncertain of where we might be in the next several months, we know that God has never not provided for us, so we know he will now. Basically, we have done all that we can do regarding seeking opportunities (and we continue to do this daily), so waiting is just a part of the process!

As I said, Tyler and I both know that God is faithful. This whole transition at CHCC has been his plan and he continues to plan for us and will open doors for us. It's not the easiest or most peaceful of times, but I know that this will produce growth and change in our lives that will allow us to serve him even better in a new venue. The fact that he has something in mind for us that he is working out for us is really exciting. I trust no one more than I trust God to provide for us.

A Little Snowy-Nostalgia

Once upon a time, when I was just a wee little freshman at OCC, preparing for my first ever college finals... the unthinkable happened! The great ice storm of '07 came and took finals away from me and it was great. School ended a week early and it is said to be the most astounding cancellation OCC has ever made. I never thought I would live to see another astounding cancellation... but I have.

This past week was a fun one. While some people complained of boredom, or of wasting our money because we couldn't go to class for a week, I made the best of it. First of all- not bored. Ever. Not once did I think, gee I would really love to be driving in this mess to school. Don't get me wrong- I LOVE class. I seriously do. But a random week of not waking up until 9:30 or 10? Hallelujah! Second of all, well, I'm sorry that this week of class was paid for and we did not receive our teaching. Honestly, all the professors are trying to catch up so it's not like we are learning any less. If anything, we are learning what speed-lectures are like! I can't say I minded the week off.

I always enjoyed snow days in the dorm because there are plenty of people around and plenty to do. So I thought maybe this week would have been more boring with only one person to hang out with... Umm no! I don't think so. What's better than your school, work, and husband's work telling you to stay home and hang out with each other? I'm not sure that the situation could have been better. Tyler and I honestly didn't do anything too exciting (well, except the tent we built in our living room). He taught me how to play the board game "Risk" (by the way, I am still undefeated 5-0... he hasn't asked me to play in a few days though...)... we watched a movie or two... I worked out as usual.. and we really just enjoyed having no where to go and no distractions and enjoyed each other's company. There's no one else that I would rather spend several days snowed in with!

Now I sit here as we wait for the next snow storm to approach. I am not terribly excited, but what happens happens. If something forces me to stay inside, that would be okay because today my face is in a constant state of frozenness and I do not like it one bit!

I hope that you have stayed nice and warm... and that you too will join me in praying that Mr. Groundhog was right and spring is just around the corner!

Christmas break has been a wonderful time for me. I feel more relaxed and rejuvenated than I have in a very long time. I set some goals for over break and I have already completed a lot of those goals... and I still have about two weeks left!

First of all, we got to spend a week with family. That was a wonderful time. We spent the first several days with mine then journeyed over to Stillwater and spent time with Tyler's family. We got to see pretty much everyone we wanted and had great quality time with both families. I got to spend time holding my new niece, Bynlee, which was definitely a very important part. I have no idea how much longer we will be living close to my family so I have to take as much time as possible to make sure my nieces don't forget me =)!

After we came back from Oklahoma (which I was ready to do.. mostly to sleep in my own bed! Being away is nice, but I am glad that there's always a time to come back!) I did something that I have been wanting to do since August, but due to my deep committment to school, it was put off. I tackled our second bedroom. By the time I was working on it, we could barely walk in it. I am typically a very tidy person when it comes to how I keep our house, but this room became the "miscellaneous" room in which we put anything and everything we couldn't find a place for... not to mention half of Tyler's clothes are in the closet in that room, making that whole room a closet for him. I am pleased to say we can walk in there now! It is SO clean and SO organized. I have a box of things that I plan to get rid of, not to mention some clothes to get rid of.

One of our Christmas presents is a beautiful bookcase that Tyler's dad built for us. Boy do we need a big one! Ozark has the tendency to load couples with hundreds of books by the time graduation comes. So I got to move our two small book shelves downstairs and am now using them for decorative and storage purposes. This is great because our house is much more decorated than before. It feels a lot more like our home. It only took me 6 months to get it how I like it =). But this also means we have plenty of room in our second bedroom for our new bookcase which will hopefully come soon! It's so nice to have accomplished that. Especially because the next time I will need that room will probably be to be packing everything up. It's nice to know it will be neat and organized whenever I have to pack all of our stuff up.

Cleaning out that bedroom and making the downstairs of our townhouse more "homey" was a big goal of mine... I am very glad I accomplished this!

I also got a new book for Christmas (which it took me all of 2 days to read... now what?). It's called The Hunger Games. I have heard about it for awhile now, just about how great it is. And it truly was! It was definitely a good fiction choice for my break. I have the next two books on order through my workplace. But now I need to read some more non-fiction. That's the part that has not happened yet.

Needless to say it has been a good break. I have desperately needed a break after being in school non stop since January 2010. I know that even Tyler notices how much less stress there is in my life and how much that helps us. It's not that anything was wrong, but there's just a freedom and joy found in a stress-free time that can easily go missing in a stress-filled time. Next semester goal: not lose that freedom and joy even though I know I will be stressed. I can do it!

Happy New Year!