In the past month I have...

-Packed up and moved out of my very first apartment and very first home with Tyler (don't worry, Tyler is coming too!)
-Moved about 90% of our personal belongings to Owasso
-Accepted a much needed (gift from God) temporary job in Owasso
-Began to become very sad about leaving Joplin.

Man, what a strange thing it is to leave one home to go to another. The only two places I have ever really considered home are Owasso and Joplin. So much has changed within me since moving to Joplin, that moving back to Owasso seems a bit scary at times. I am not at all the person I used to be, for starters I am moving back to Owasso with a husband. It's just weird to move back home from the place I now know and love as my home.

I never knew I would be so terribly sad over leaving Joplin. I knew I loved Joplin as my new home but especially after church today and speaking with several students and their parents about us leaving, I am genuinely bummed to be leaving. There are so many students that I have just started relationships that I am dying to see all the way through high school. There is a student I got to see through three years of high school but am departing for her senior year. There are students I am sending off to college and wish I would be in Joplin for when they return for weekend visits.

I'm prepared for things like handling finances, I'm prepared to help students when they ask tough questions, I am prepared to be a minister's wife and all that it entails, but what I don't feel prepared for is how to leave a ministry. It's an incredibly hard process to say goodbye to students that I want to be here for. I know that God will protect them and guide them and provide the adults they need. But it's still extremely hard. It's hard to know what to say when a parent comes up and expresses their sadness over us leaving, even though we all know that it is best and that God's got something coming our way. It's still just so hard.

I thought that since everyone around us knew it was coming- that we wouldn't be in Joplin much longer after a full time youth minister was hired- that maybe it would make it easier. But it's still one of the saddest goodbyes I have ever had. I think there's a point to which I can be sad, but then there's a point in which I have to trust God enough to know that these students will flourish even after we are gone. I want to have a hand in it and I want to help control it, but the fact is that I can't. All I can pray is that the seeds we have planted will be watered by people that enter their lives in the future. I know it's not us that has made the difference but just what God has been able to do through us. It's never been my power that has done anything good but God's power through me. And God's power will still reside in Joplin through others after I am gone. These students will still be loved after Tyler is no longer their youth ministry. Now I must realize that God's got some other students for us to love.

Back to uncertainty

It's been a rough month. Tyler and I have had to make lots of decisions, not necessarily fun ones. We have received prompting by our circumstances to hurry some decisions along, and here we are. On the verge of another (and quite unexpected) adventure.

I admit that for awhile, I was feeling pretty discouraged. I think it's really hard to be wanting to do ministry but no where to do it. It's easy to get the mindset that because we want to serve God through vocational ministry that he would just provide a ministry at the drop of a hat. But what has become even more clear as the moments pass is that we have the right ministry, the right fit.

I know it's coming. These days I am feeling a bit more optimistic. Maybe it's because we are starting fresh with some churches, the churches we were interested in before have since moved in different directions, I don't know. I think it's just the exciting possibility of it coming soon has come back in to view. Again, I find myself a little more excited rather than fearful of the unknown. I am relying heavily on God to provide this optimism and joy to get me through, and I am glad to say he is providing like crazy.

It all ends...

There are so many thoughts and life events I want to blog about, but unfortunately these important real-life situations must wait until later this week, or perhaps next week after my life has settled down a bit. Although, I am not sure it will actually feel settled until about 3 weeks from now.

When I was in 5th grade, we had a reading time after lunch. This was not individual reading, but my teacher, Mrs. Tingiris, would read a book out loud to us. When she began Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, I had no idea what that book would mean to me one day. Back then it was not a big deal for a Christian to read this innocent book.

I wasn't much of a reader until 8th grade. In 8th grade I decided to pick up Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and see where this story went after it's start. I quickly read through each Harry Potter book available at that time. By the time the fifth book arrived in stores, I was one of the loyal fans who rushed to the store on the day it could be sold and spent all of my time reading until I was finished. I remember that I finished Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by the second night I had it, well, I guess early morning of the third day. I stayed up as late as possible to finish it.

I give a lot of credit to J.K. Rowling when it comes for my love to read fiction stories. I am not a huge fan of fantasy and have tried to read other books, but there's something so captivating about a fantasy book taking place in our world. There was something so captivating about this story that was born out of a mother's love for her child.

There was a time when Christians who read Harry Potter were criticized for reading "witchcraft". It has always astounded me because those people clearly had never read Harry Potter and had no idea that this story could have been born without the spells and magic. That this story was one of a mother who loved her child and sacrificed herself for him. That it was this son's will to restore the world back to good, to rid the world of evil. Sure, it's more exciting, adventurous, and thrilling with all of the spells and ideas of a world of magic but I would hardly attribute the best qualities of this story to anything with magic. The best qualities are the ones of grace, redemption, and love... and trust me, there is so much of each in these stories.

I was so bummed to go to the movie today knowing it is my last opportunity to re-live how it felt the first time I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (by FAR my favorite of the 7!). But I left so satisfied and reminded that how it ended was perfect and I wouldn't want it to go on any longer, because all was resolved and all was well.

Harry Potter is so dear to my heart because it got me to a state where reading was (and still is) my favorite pastime. I long for the day when I feel my children are old enough to comprehend this fantasy world (mostly comprehend that it is just that-a fantasy) and decide to spend their time, energy, and emotion in reading such great stories. Sure, there will be others, maybe some just as good, just as there are old fantasy favorites of so many. I hope that I have at least one child that will enter this world and love it as much as I do. Until then, I will talk Tyler's ear off with details of this fantasy world not seen in the movies until he decide to pick up the books himself.

Time to think and time to grow

Tyler and I hoped that we would be moving somewhere to start a new youth ministry no later than early June. Obviously, our plan was the not the plan that worked out. Waiting on God to provide for us what we really want has been really difficult. But it has definitely allowed us to see more clearly how he provides our for us in the ways we truly need.

My job was technically supposed to end with graduation. The bookstore only hires students and actually they don't typically hire anyone for the summer. My boss was so gracious to me and allowed me to stay on for this summer. It's not the most thrilling job but it's a job I know I can leave on short notice if we are called somewhere else, and it's also a simple job that helps get the bills paid. I desperately needed a job as Tyler's job (hours and pay) was changing a lot mid-May. God provided a lot by allowing me to keep my job.

We knew that if we were going to be in Joplin, we needed to surround ourselves with friends that we could really relate to. This whole year we haven't had a lot of friends that are really in the same stage of life as us and that has been hard. We were both so busy during the school year so finding a new life group or something was not something that got to happen. At the end of the semester we were approached about joining a life group, led by a couple who wanted to be there for young couples in the middle of transition. We have only been able to meet three or four times so far, but it's so refreshing to meet with couples who are as in awkward situations as we are. Relationships are so important and God provided a very specific group of people that we could walk through this weird time with.

For a few months, Tyler and I saved all of the money that would typically go to paying off my student loans for what we call "surplus" because we knew this summer would be tough financially. We anticipated having to use it starting June 1. Well. Here's the thing. Somehow, God provided more money than we planned for because not only have we had to use very little of that amount- we added to it! We actually had extra money. I think we will need it later this month, but God provided extra hours and a strange pay period so that we will be able to last on our two part time jobs a little bit longer. 

Sure, we have been a bit frustrated. All Tyler wants is to do God's will and to do ministry somewhere. But here's the thing, I am not even close to say that God hasn't been with us and watching over us this whole time. He provides the the things we need while we wait. I am so thankful that we didn't jump to find ways to provide for ourselves, but allowed ourselves to live a little more simply and see how God can provide some great things. Perhaps it is because we cannot provide these things for ourself that we can see God more clearly working right now. I know that he will let us do ministry. I know that he has places in mind that we would best serve him, and we will wait. But it's a great joy of mine to reflect on the simple ways he provides while we wait. We are not alone.