Oh wedding stuff.

First, we booked our honeymoon yesterday! Hooray! It only took us two hours at the travel agent due to original price changes. All in all, we still get to do what we want to do(Cancun/all-inclusive!) but for a better price than we planned. So that is good. It's so awesome to have that booked. Now maybe I will count down the days to MEXICCOOO! Woo hoo. I am sooo excited to be able to get away completely for a few days. Whoever had the idea of a honeymoon was very smart, and I haven't even enjoyed one yet =)

Second, Wal-mart really has some issues. I went back to look at our registry there because we have our first group of people finding out where we are registered- just want to make sure everything is still good. But don't worry, it's not still good. Most items on the registry are only available online now. So not only can I not go to the store and add things to my registry in the store, I have do it online, but I also have to go to each item and make sure it's available in stores. But don't worry, most items aren't available online and in stores. So word to the wise: if you are buying me a wedding gift, go to Target.

Third, pre-marital counseling is fun! A whole hour each week to talk about us=wonderful! Tyler and I had to take this thing called "Prepare-Enrich". It's a self-inventory just to kind of gage where we are both at as individuals but also as a couple. It made me nervous. We had to take it separately and our counselor got to the see the results first. I don't really doubt where Tyler and I are at because I know we have a really awesome relationship, but seeing the results was really nice. I am really thankful for all of the really hard things we have gone through, but also just for the fact that we have known each other for almost seven years. How well we know each other really helps where we are as a couple. I must say, after each session of pre-marital counseling I am more and more excited about where we are, but also where we are going.

It will be here soooo soon and I am sooo glad!

An Overwhelmingly, wonderful gift.

So yesterday I got this message from a friend. She recently returned from Cambodia. She told me that she had a purse and card for me from one of the girls at Rapha. I waited about 20 hours for this gift to be in my hands. And now I am overwhelmed. It's not like I ever doubted that I left an impact, or that I questioned whether or not this girl really loved me like I love her. But receiving this confirmation that she still thinks of me and I really did leave an impression on her is quite overwhelming. I don't need to hear from her or receive gifts from her, but yes, I want it. It's a want that God didn't have to fulfill, but he did and I am so thankful.

It's been a rough month. I have been thinking of my two little sisters constantly. I don't know what it is. They have been on my mind and on my heart constantly. I miss them. My heart literally desires to hold them again and be with them. To hear their laughs, to see their smiles, to see them sign "I love you" as we drove away each day. This is a desire of my heart that might not be fulfilled anytime soon. But to receive this beautiful purse and card in which she tells me she misses me, she wants me to come back. She loves me. "May God bless you". I am overwhelmed. She asked if I miss her too. Seriously? Every second of every single day. I am so thankful that God granted a wish of my heart. Just to hear from her again makes me so so so happy.

I know it's been a long while since I was in Cambodia, but trust me, I am still processing this day by day. Those girls are not girls you can walk away from and ever forget about. I am so glad that I haven't forgotten the amazing lessons that God taught me. I never want to forget this.

Lifestyle Changes

Okay, so I have made some decisions.

First of all, Facebook has lost it's desire for me. It's more of a time waster for me. There are a few people I communicate with on a regular basis on the website, but they are all people I communicate with out side of Facebook. So for the time being, I am not going to use Facebook. I also don't love how communication on Facebook has taken the place of communication out in the real world. I have found that if I don't communicate with someone on Facebook then there is some negative tone about our relationship. I guess I place less value on Facebook relationships than real ones. However anyone else uses Facebook is totally fine with me, but right now it is more of a negative aspect of life than a positive one.

At the beginning of the semester I made the goal to work out three times a week. I have held to this all but one week. Last week I failed to workout three times because on my final day of working out, I did something to my back shortly after waking up. I think it's all better, so I should be good to go this week. This is a change I don't love. Mostly because it's a far drive to the YMCA. There are two in Joplin but one is a little ghetto and in a sketchy part of town. Going there by myself scares me. So I have to drive around 20 minutes to get to the nicer one that is in a better location. I also have the issue of becoming bored while working out. Now, my YMCA here has a personal TV at each workout machine, so that helps. But I am also going to take a book or possibly my Bible to see if this can help the boredom factor. I have an awesome accountability partner who gets really upset when I am not putting effort into working out. That is a big help to me. I told them my goal and they make sure to keep me to it.

This week, I decided to try change number 3. Food. I am going to be honest, I don't eat in the cafeteria a lot. I do several times a week. My problem with the cafeteria is that I feel disgusting when I leave. I don't feel like I am eating well unless I go in and have salad. I have also been trying to minimize the junk food I eat and eat a lot more healthy food. So this week I bought much better groceries than I usually do. I think this will definitely help me. I am not in the market to lose lots of weight, I am okay with my weight. I just think I need to be healthier. I have decided to incorporate fruits and vegetables into every single day. (Wait, you mean I wasn't doing that already? Nope!) So I bought things like grapes, bananas, carrots, and salad. I have also been consistently eating breakfast. My breakfast ranges from a banana, cereal, or a granola bar.

On top of these things I have also decided to read more. Coming from me that's a weird statement because I really do read A LOT. I am always reading a book. I read all kinds of books too. But I decided that I would like to read more books that benefit me in more ways than a fictional escape for a couple hours a week. I won't give up my novels, because I do have a love for reading and they aren't negative influences on my life. But I think I could just use more beneficial reading. I think I might start by reading Beth Moore's new book about Insecurity. I have never read a book by her or done a Bible study that she has written, so I thought maybe she would be a good place to start! Beyond that, the high school girls d-group that I lead has just started a study on Crazy Love by Francis Chan. So I am sure that will help too =)!

I don't really know the reasoning behind the changes, but I feel they are necessary. I would like to be healthier in general. I don't just mean physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. I think each of these things promote healthier lifestyles. Life has been really good lately as I have worked through some problems of my own, and now I feel like it's time to take the next step: I want to become even better. There is no reason for me not to, and I really don't want to plateau right now. So here I go!

What's in a name?

Recently I heard a sermon by a professor at Ozark. Damien was a guest speaker at our Wednesday night programming at College Heights. He began his sermon by sharing the significance of the names of his children. I have always been a fan of significant names. Whether it is a significant famous person, Biblical name, or a personal significance. I always tell Tyler that I want to use at least one of the names of three people that changed my life. One being HeeJin who was a foreign exchange student from Korea. She changed my life a lot. She and I became very close without getting to use a whole lot of the same language. I haven't heard from her in so long... I miss her greatly and still think about her all the time.

The two other names are the names of my two little sisters who live in Cambodia. They are so precious to me and have changed my life forever. So today, out of boredom, I decided to look up the meanings of their names. So often I think name meanings really do fit the people so I thought it would be interesting. Well, one name meant "beautiful moon" which I thought was interesting. I have always liked the name Bella, because of the song Bella Luna by Jason Mraz. Bella Luna actually means beautiful moon. So that was the first little interesting thing that came of this search... a name that I have always liked because of a song title is actually the meaning of her name..

The other name was perfect. When I saw it, I decided that I have to use it. It's not the most beautiful sounding name... and turns out, in Cambodia it is typically used for a boy so who knows which way I would want to use it. The meaning is "flawless". It's crazy to me because that's exactly what she is to me. She is so perfect. What hits me even harder is just that I know her past. I know what she has gone through, the things that have been done to her... to the rest of the world, especially Cambodia, she isn't seen as flawless, or perfect. But to me she is. So is so perfect, flawless, and sa-aht (okay, I can't spell any word in the Khmer language, but this means beautiful).

Children are a long ways off for me but I know the influence my two precious girls have had on my life... and months later I am still feeling so strongly about them. Plus, I know that once Tyler meets them he will fall in love with them and have no option but to use their names! The most beautiful little (I say little... yet they are not really that young) girls of Cambodia are so important to me... so I am thinking their names shall be used =)

An emotional goodbye

The night we left Rapha House for the last time was weird for me. It's a memory that has kept coming back in to my mind all week. Maybe it's because it was International Focus Week, we had a speaker from International Justice Mission, or because several of my dear friends are on their way to Cambodia today/tomorrow. I don't know. Whatever it is, I can't get this night out of my head.

I think the older of the two sisters knew we were leaving for good. She said goodbye rather quickly, got in the truck, and sat until they pulled out from the compound. The younger sister might have been oblivious. We said goodbye as always. We hugged inside the property, I went out and got on the bus... I wasn't even crying at this point. I know I am going back. I'll hug them again someday. But then she did it. She came to my window of the bus and began to wave. I wanted to tell her to go away. But I didn't because I knew I needed to savor every last moment possible. She waved. She began to blow kisses. She began to sign "I love you". This is when I lost it. It didn't matter if I was going back or not. What mattered is that I wouldn't be going back the next day.

Then I think it hit her. I can still see her face drop. She finally realizes that I am not coming back tomorrow. I wanted to get off the bus and give her a moment to re-do the goodbye that she probably thought was not the final one. It's so heartbreaking to watch her face change over and over again. I hope she knows I am coming back. I hope she still thinks about me too. I wish I knew why this memory is haunting me everyday. My heart just misses them.