Productivity

Life has been very productive lately. I have a huge mound of assignments coming up in the next several weeks... which usually stresses me out to the max (at least that is the story of this semester). But last week I made a decision: I am not going to let myself get so stressed out that I actually have emotional breakdowns. Yes. I have had some extreme emotions going on this semester. When I get stressed out, these emotions are magnified. It's hard for me to handle being a wife, a student, a volunteer, and worker. I've even had to cut out my second place of volunteering which is extremely sad. I had several weeks that I was stuck in a rut of complete stress. But I decided that was not going to be the case for the rest of my semester. It's senior year and I am going to learn and enjoy while I am still fortunate enough to be a student at Bible college.

So I decided to get ahead. And I have. I have spent almost every day of the last several days in the library just getting stuff done- even stuff I can do at home. But I know that my productivity is way less when I am at home and there are messes to be cleaned, yummy treats to be baked, and Ellen Degeneres to watch. I have gotten so much done. But there is still much to do considering I have two research papers due in the next two weeks!

One of my biggest issues is wanting to do it all myself. I want to take great care of Tyler and make his life so much easier and show my love through all of my actions. But the problem is... my life is a bit more packed than his. Not to say he doesn't do anything because trust me, ministry is like a job that never sleeps. But I try to cook all of the meals, keep the house tidy, do homework (which this semester feels like I am doing a years worth of homework), work my low 12 hours a week, but volunteer with the youth group several times a week. I just want to be the woman who does it all! I know Tyler appreciates this attitude but I also know he would be so gracious to help me if I would just ask him. I am getting a bit better and practicing sharing the load. I have always been the kind of girl to take the loads all to myself and not let others share in my stress. But I think that needs to change.

I have been meeting with a couple of my good friends (well, we have only met twice), but I can already tell you how happy I am that I sought some accountability in my life. My relationships have changed dramatically in the past several months. Many transitions happening that cause this. I think transitions are healthy... and I am thankful for it because I think that where I am now and the relationships that I am in now are a lot healthier than I have been in the past. I have had inklings that I need more accountability and more time to just share life with other women and I am so glad I finally made the step to do this.

Needless to say, my last few weeks have been more productive than usual on several levels. Mostly on levels that will reduce my stress and anxiety that I deal with on a regular basis. Life is a lot better when you take the necessary steps to be a healthy individual. It is my goal to become healthier emotionally and mentally this year.

P.S. On a very exciting note- I pre-enrolled for my last semester of college this week! Eek! I had a mere 12 hours I need in order to graduate... so I threw in an extra elective which means I am going to New York for 6 days in March! Hooray!

I feel like I can breathe now. My first exegetical of the semester is done. This, my friends, is an important thing. It has been several semesters since I wrote my first exegetical and my only exegetical prior to this. Apparently I saved all of my exegetical classes for senior year. Hm.. possibly a terrible decision. I have one more exegetical for this semester, and two research papers. Christmas Break can not come soon enough!!

This has been an interesting week. I went home last weekend, which was wonderful. I decided to extend my visit from Saturday night to Sunday afternoon and I am glad I did. It made for a crazy Sunday but what can I say, I missed my family! My dear friend Emily, who is a great blessing to me in this time of my life, went along with me. I thoroughly enjoyed that!

I am going back home tonight. My friend Lacy lost her mom this week to cancer. I cannot even express the amount that Lacy has seen in this life. Sometimes when I see others struggle through so much more than I ever had, I have no way of understanding how they keep going. But she just does. She is truly great. I really think that they moved here for a reason. When her father was diagnosed with cancer we spent much time encouraging one another, as both of our fathers had now gone through a serious health crisis. I will forever be thankful for her encouragement in my life. And now, I know, it's my turn to encourage her some more. Her mom was a very special woman. I wouldn't miss celebrating Lori's life for anything!

I am working on pictures for the blog of my home! But as you might guess, it's even harder to get everything together when I have school looming over me!

I hope you have a blessed day!

Not what I expected...

Sometimes people ask me if I am learning a lot about Tyler or if being married to him/living with him is really different than I expected. I'm just going to be honest, Tyler and I knew each other extremely well prior to getting married... not to say that I knew everything about him, I am sure there are a thousand more things to learn. But really, we knew each other pretty well. We have been friends for 7 1/2 years, really close friends for at least four years. Tyler lived in this apartment for a year before we got married and since I spent some time here, I already learned a lot of his weird habits as far as living arrangements. I haven't run into a lot of surprises yet.. well, at least not in him.

But me. I am not what I expected. Not in the least bit. Did I know how to cook more than two meals prior to getting married? No. Did I anticipate being very prompt when it comes to dishes and cleaning? No. Did I enjoy doing laundry? No. Why isn't being a wife a paid position? I mean, I love being his wife and doing things around the house, but sometimes that is all I want to do. It's super fun. This is what is surprising to me. All of the sudden, I love keeping this place in order, planning our weekly menu, grocery shopping, doing laundry. I feel like I have to clean the kitchen at least once a day, but I love it! I am kind of weirding myself out.

I do learn much about Tyler... and let me tell ya, living with him is awesome! He is a very entertaining husband. More than anything I am surprised how just living with him and being married to him makes so much more of my life about him. I want to make sure things are great around here for him (even though I have about a billion other things I should probably be doing...). I love doing this, if only it could be a full time job.

I just thought I'd share about how I surprise myself on a daily basis. Now it's time to pick up the bedroom. Have a happy Saturday!

It Has Begun

What has begun, you might ask?
Several things really:

Football season.
I don't really enjoy football season. But this season is different. Why? Because when I lived at OCC I could avoid football season very easily. I simply didn't have the opportunity to watch it due to no cable in my room. This year though... I live with a BOY. You know what that means. Any football on TV? We're watching it. Don't you worry. So today, to avoid the football that took over the TV, I cleaned... and I mean cleaned. It was nice. Tyler is nice though. He knows how I dislike watching every single game that comes on. He's willing to compromise... this is good news for me. I don't mind watching teams that we care about. But if it's a team I have no attachment to or interest in, why watch? That's something I'll never understand.

My desire for short hair.
Just as Tyler will never understand my need for short hair. Yes, I said need. The longer it gets, the harder it is to work with. I know this is not a serious issue, but I am okay with blogging about my hair. It's just, it's a big deal that I grew it out for over a year. And it's really just kinda stopped growing. Sooo... don't be surprised if there is short hair in my near future!

Senior year of college.
This one is exciting. But it brings much homework. Although I am taking a small 13 hours, by far the smallest amount I have ever taken... I have more big projects than I have ever had before. I have 2 exegeticals and two research papers. That's a little much for a person who is not great at writing papers. On the bright side, I love my schedule and my classes so far... (well, besides Bible Lands and Lifeways, but that's just expected). I've got two good Bible classes and a great counseling class and counseling seminar. It's going to be a great semester!

New chapters at CHCC.
Well, We have officially survived the first couple of weeks of Tyler being Interim High School Minister. So many people are still pouring out support and encouragement left and right. I am surrounded by more uplifting and positive people than ever before. I have been reached out to by multiple women who genuinely want us to succeed during this time, not only as a couple doing ministry, but in our marriage and other relationships. I feel like I have several different groups of people pouring into my life, and this is a great thing.

Life is very well rounded right now. I've got investment at OCC and CHCC. It's a pretty great place to be. There is no telling where we will be going after I graduate, or if there will be any "going" at all. What's important is that I focus on here and now. I've seen so many people be too focused on what's next that what's here begins to be meaningless to them. But I know that God is going to much in our time in Joplin whether it's for 9 more months or 9 more years. What's next will happen when it's time. I couldn't be happier with where we are right now.

Random Life Observations

1. I don't like being away from Tyler. I like being in Owasso, but I really like Tyler too. Hm. It's sad.

2. My hair has not been this long since 9th grade. That was around 6-7 years ago... I am not used to this. And I just want short hair that doesn't end up in a ponytail at the end of every day... Okay. But ask me tomorrow and I will probably tell you I love long hair.

3. My niece is more than hilarious. She's just so precious. Today she was saying "buh-bye" (she was pretending to go to church) and she decided that she didn't want to hug, but she should shake our hands. So she went from grandma to grandpa to aunt Abigail shaking hands and saying "buh-bye". Oh goodness.

4. It's amazing how many times I have been asked if I am pregnant in the last two months. Not because I look pregnant, simply because I am married now. The answer is NO and no time soon thank you very much. Lydia is taking care of the need for a baby to be on the way.

5. I really like being married to Tyler. It's great!! But it's awkward when people say "how is married life" because I say "Great!!" and then don't really know what to say... And I think that people expect me to gush on and on and I don't really know where to start.

6. I wish Tyler and I could work part-time forever and make enough money... It's really great how much time we get to spend together. But I guess that has to end sometime...

Okay. I think those are all of my observations right now!

Moving Forward

Life is certainly changing!

The past month has been filled with a change we certainly weren't expecting. Our very dear friends and mentors (not to mention the high school minister being Tyler's boss), sat us down to tell us that he would be resigning this summer. Mind you, this happened about a week or maybe two after we got back from Mexico.

It's been an emotional and tiring, but exciting month as we prepared to move forward in this ministry. We have sat through several moments of tears while Beau and Michelle continued to announce this to so many people who love them. The reason why they leave is so filled with God's provision. It's nothing short of God's will for their lives. While we are deeply sad to no longer have the chance to do ministry with them, we are so excited as they get to move on to fulfill a passion in their hearts.

We have not been able to speak about this until last Sunday night when Beau finally told our students. It was incredibly emotional. Waiting for them to go public was like waiting for it to become real. Well now it's real.

I was greatly blessed and encouraged by many women the night that it became public knowledge. I will never forget looking up from the final prayer and instantly being surrounded and prayed for. For the time being, Tyler will be serving as Interim High School Minister at College Heights Christian Church. Until they hire someone to take the job full time, he will be filling this role. I have so much confidence in him! He has done an outstanding job and we know that the leadership at CHCC wouldn't have asked him to step in if they didn't have the confidence in him as well.

It's a scary thing to be pushed forward into a position that was not expected. But over the past month I have been encouraged and lifted up like never before. As people have said their love for Beau and Michelle, they have also filled our hearts with so much confidence and support and prayers. I couldn't be happier about the church that we are transitioning with. We can only hope that they will let us "grow up" here like Beau and Michelle did.

So any prayers offered would be greatly appreciated. It's a little more responsibility than we planned on, but we know it's the right thing for right now.

Faithfulness

It's hard to remain silent when I am so full of words and emotion right now. It's hard to remain in the US when my heart is full of love and longing for another country. It's hard to remain still when I just need to move.

Today I needed a bit of a reminder of God's faithfulness. Well, I don't know if it's a reminder, but more of some comfort regarding his faithfulness. It's a concept I know to be true, but a concept that requires direct action from me.

First of all, I love my Life Application Study Bible. I suggest you get one too.

The very first passage I found regarding God's faithfulness in the Bible was in Deuteronomy. (Deuteronomy 7:9) Ya know the first thing that this passage told me? God keeps his covenant with those who keep his commands. This frustrated me from the moment I read it.

A year ago, while sponsoring my first high school camp, I received a loud and confident "no" when I began to ask God if I could go back to Cambodia this coming summer. Granted it was also around that time that it became clear that getting married this summer was a big possibility. I knew that while I could not go to Cambodia, I could begin a different journey. I am thankful that I got married this summer, but my heart still aches for Cambodia. I have obeyed this command of his to not return this summer. I understand it and I am okay with it. But now it's time to start asking about when I can go back. But this is what I learned in my study of how God is faithful.

I read so many times how God is faithful to those who keep his commands... and those who obey his words. But there's never a time frame included. The writers of the inspired Word of God never say "he will remain faithful to you by granting your wish in the next 1-2 years". Nope. Nothing like that. It's all, remain faithful and he will remain faithful. That's why this is so hard. What if it's not for another ten years? What if I really don't ever get to go back? I know that sometimes God has greater things in mind, but the invisible possibility of something greater is clouded by my view of something that is already great.

All through the Psalms I read about how he is faithful and just and true to his promises. Finally in the New Testament I read about a couple of important things to remember. First, he will strengthen and protect me. ( 2 Thessalonians 3:3) While I wait in silence on this pressing issue in my life, he will strengthen me. He will protect me. While it's just silence, I know that he doesn't hear silence because he can hear my heart. It's comforting to know that he is hearing me and understanding me. Another thing is that when I suffer, I need to commit myself to my faithful creator. (1 Peter 4:19) All I can do while my heart is aching to go back is commit to faithfulness. Because he is faithful in all of his promises. (Psalm 145:13)

It isn't easy to wait for something like this. But I find much comfort in knowing that he has been faithful through all generations. (Psalm 100:5) He has not forgotten about me and the desires of my heart, especially the desires to serve and love the people of Cambodia. I pray that his faithfulness is clear to you today.