There is a song that tends to end up on "repeat" for me. The day I drove myself to Ozark in August of 2007, I listened to this song practically the whole way. When I spent my first holiday with a family that is not my own, I listened to this song the days leading up to it. When I left my family to go to Southeast Asia, I listened to this song almost the whole three hours while I flew to Los Angeles, to then board a plane to Cambodia. And here I am today. I find myself at a moment where I am needing comfort and peace about the fact that I must go, I must move on, I must grow up, I must leave what I know.
My sister, Elizabeth, introduced me to this song. It's called "Faith My Eyes" by Caedmon's Call. This song is all about how it is really hard to not carry on with life at "home". But while it's hard, being in God's plan is more important. It's about how no matter where God is taking us, we will miss home and we will long to be with the people we love... but we will also be in God's plan and in God's guidance... and that's what is most important.
I am glad that I ran into this song again today... This weekend might be a tough one seeing as I won't be going home for easter. Me not going home for a holiday is like... one of the worst things that happens in my life. Okay, I am exaggerating. But seriously. Family dinners are serious business to me. I love it. I hate when my family is gathered in our house, but I am not there. And now I am on my way to marriage so I know things will be changing.. and it is hard for me. But I have to adjust. I am totally up for that challenge because I love Tyler so dearly and would not choose to have life without him. But just like the song, I have a serious longing to be at home. I have a longing to be with those who helped make me who I am, the people that I look like, the people that understand a reference from American Idol season 1 (or any other season), and to be with the people who have loved me for 21 years.
But I know that I am following God's call on my life. Right now, he calls me to College Heights. He calls me to the youth that need older people to help them grow. He has called me to Ozark. He has called me to become a wife of an amazing man in June. As hard as it's going to be to not go home and not celebrate the life of my savior with those who love me so much... I know that God will bless my obedience to follow his call on my life.
What is awesome to think about is that every time I have made this song my prayer, God has honored my decision to follow him. He has given me the most incredible experience at Ozark. He is letting me marry in to a wonderful family, who I am so thankful for. He most certainly changed my heart and my life while I was in Cambodia. I know there is much comfort, peace, and blessing to be had while sitting in the palm of a God who controls all things. I know that no matter where he sends me- no matter how far from home I am- he guides my every circumstance.
"But if I must go, things, I trust, will be better off without me. But I don't want to know because life is better off a mystery. So keep 'em coming, these lines on the road. Keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load. Keep me guessing at these blessings in disguise. I walk with grace my feet, and faith my eyes."
1 comment:
Ugh. That song makes me cry without fail-- it doesn't matter how old I am or what I am doing, it's always meaningful. The fist time it meant a lot to me was my first Sunday at college and not going to Dad's church. I listened to it on the way and crrrried all the way to church. We missed you this weekend, but are happy you had a great day!
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