Best year ever? I think so.

Here is what happened in my life in 2009. Some are important, some are minute. All in all, it made up my year!

I turned 20!

Okay, still not super important. But I spent an evening with my mom and Lydia and Jason Mraz. And this time he didn't get sick... so maybe it is a pretty big deal =)

My very best friend and roommate got married! I only lost her as a roommate though. This year marks the first full year of our friendship. I couldn't be more thankful or happy that she is my best friend. God worked a pretty big miracle when putting us together as roommates. It took a lot of unfortunate incidents and awkward moments for it to happen, but he knew what he was doing. We just didn't know that he was giving us our best friend in the process!

This whole next section will be Cambodia. But within my trip I accomplished a lot of different things.

I road a boat down a river for six hours. This allowed me to see a side of Cambodia that I would not have seen otherwise. There are tons of people who live on boats, or in their hut type houses right on the river. Even rural America does not compare to rural Cambodia. It was amazing to see how these people live, especially knowing that this is just a way of life to them. It was pretty cool.

This one is big for me. I got to visit Angkor Wat. Angkor Wat is one of the most amazing man-made things left on this earth. It was incredible to walk the stone where so many people have walked. Just knowing that this is what Cambodia is proud of as a culture was quite humbling. But it was also kind of sad. It was filled with Buddha. It was also sad to see how much value they put in an ancient structure. Angkor Wat is a place of worship to a god I don't worship. In that sense, it was rough. But as I walked through, I prayed. I prayed for the Khmer people who are worshipping a structure and a god that isn't the true God.

Regardless, it was still an amazing day that I will never forget.

I also got to visit Ta Prohm. This is a pretty famous temple. I was really wanting to see it because of the intense tree's that crawl all over the temple walls. It was amazing. Once again, something I will never forget.

I rode an elephant. Up a mountain. Okay. I am glad I did it, but NEVER again. So scary. Thank goodness for an awesome friend who kept me calm. (Thanks Malia!!)

I learned to love 200ish kids who weren't exactly begging me to love them. I did this while being physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. And it was one of the best lessons I have ever learned.

I met one of the strongest, smartest, passionate, and loving people I have ever met. Without Malia, my trip would have been completely different. She took care of me from the moment I arrived at LAX til the moment I left LAX two weeks later. Not only did she take care of me, we bonded. She was my roommate for the longest and hardest (but best) portion of the trip. Seriously, Malia had a huge influence on me and still does today. She is one of those friends that I think will last a long time, even though she lives all the way in Seattle.

I can't show you pictures for the 2nd biggest thing that has happened to me this year. My two little sisters changed my life completely. They taught me more about love than I ever thought I could learn from two girls that don't speak my language. They taught me more about life, justice, joy, and freedom than I ever thought I could learn. I miss them wholeheartedly. Not a day goes by I don't think of them. Not a day goes by that I don't long to be with them. Malia told me at the beginning of the trip that when I come home I might not feel whole. That wholeness might not come back until I am at Rapha House. I understand what she means. While I don't feel it's God's calling on my life to live in Cambodia, those girls have a piece of my heart. It's a piece I want them to keep so in case they ever doubt it, they will always feel love. When they think of me I hope they think of how often I hugged them and told them I loved them. I hope they remember me telling them how beautiful they are(beautiful being one of the few words I actually learned). I hope they look at my picture and remember how much I care for them and miss them.

Cambodia as a whole changed my life. I am so glad I had the opportunity to see another culture and learn more about how God's love is meant for all people. I am glad I had the opportunity to spend time with Christians in Cambodia who are trying to give hope to a country that has very little have hope in. It's a place that needs so much prayer and support. Cambodia will forever have a place in my heart.

Okay, next!

I spent a week with my favorite high school students! Not only this, I spent my first week at a camp other than Cyokamo... and I didn't die! Imagine that! This year also marks the first year of being more involved with College Heights High School ministry. I started investing more and became a d-group leader. It's been an awesome experience. And here is the most awesome family group ever: Tyler's Lane.

And incase I haven't said it enough- I got engaged. Not only do I have a new beautiful ring to show for it- but I can finally start planning! And I don't mean my wedding (although, I am planning that). I am finally planning my life with Tyler. It's so awesome. It's awesome to finally have that confirmation that we will be sharing our lives together. Tyler and I have had so many ups and downs. We have been friends for so long. Without the friendship and the crazy good and bad things that have happened with us, we would not have been ready to be together for good. But we have worked through every challenge we have faced. We have celebrated things, enjoyed when our relationship was easy, took care of each other when either one of us was down, and most of all loved each other no matter what came up. I wish I could go in to detail about all of the hardships we have overcome and all of the amazing things that have happened for us in the past year, but I won't. I am so excited to start sharing my life with Tyler. I am so lucky and so thankful!

I told Tyler tonight that my New Year's Resolution is to get married. I know, I think I am pretty funny too. I have never really made a resolution, and I don't think I'll start this year. But know this, even though 2009 was incredible and I had a pretty life changing year, I know that God has great things in store for 2010. I am so ready for this year to start!

Happy New Year! I hope 2009 was one worth remembering. If not, here's your chance to make 2010 a good one!

Last Christmas

Merry Christmas!

I listen to Last Christmas a lot. Not just at Christmas time, I mean year round. But now is the time that I have an excuse to listen to it with other people, in the car, whatever. It's nice. I have three versions that I like. But the best will always be the original - WHAM! But Taylor Swift and Glee do a good job too =)

I have only been out of school for like a week but it has already felt like a month... and it feels amazing! I got my grades today and that was excited! My lowest grade being a B (B+ and 3 A's are the remaining grades). I am really proud of my work this semester. Those are about the same grades I get every semester, but I got really good grades on my major assignments this semester. My classes were a bit harder and I still did a great job. I am excited about that. I am excited that I have not gotten any C's in college so far. I'd say that's an accomplishment.

Tyler and I spent the last week together. We started out in Owasso for the weekend. We just hung out and did some wedding things like:

Wedding cake tasting! So yummy! I think we have officially decided on cupcakes in stead of doing an actual brides cake. Honestly, I don't love cake. I have only tasted one wedding cake that I just loved and so the cake hasn't been a big deal to me. So I browsed and saw how people use cupcakes for their brides cake. You can dress it up, put it on a tier just like a cake would be set up, and decorate them! So we will probably have cupcakes and sheet cake, plus Tyler's totally awesome groom's cake. I am excited about that. But I probably won't share that information with you at this time.

Our free engagement photo session was canceled because of the weather last Saturday (too cold/cloudy) so I think we are just gonna forget that. It was going to be an extra thing - only because it's free. But my dear friend Whitney (also bridesmaid, best friend from high school) will be taking our engagement pictures sometime. Our current plan is to go to Joplin for it so we can maybe take some pictures at Camp Cyokamo where Tyler and I met. I hope this works out. If not, I am sure we will have pretty pictures anyway!

So after our Owasso visit we headed to Stillwater. We spent most of the week in Stillwater with Tyler and his family. We spent lots of time with his parents, brother, nephew, and sister-in-law. We also got to spend some time with Tyler's extended family which was nice! Especially since we are newly engaged. Then we got stuck in Stillwater for a little longer than expected and Tyler had a shorter stay in Owasso. I really don't like snow. I don't like it because it's cold. It's very pretty, but I still don't like it. I also don't like it cause it changes plans and makes us almost miss Christmas with my family. White Christmas' are overrated. Please stop wishing for them. I am sure those people who have a car stuck on the side of the road agree.

I liked this Christmas a lot more than usual. I think this is for two reasons: I did get to spend it with Tyler which was awesome. But also, due to a class I took recently at Ozark, I feel like I understand why Jesus came and how astounding that is a lot better than before. I have just learned so much about the cross and the reasons for it and this time of year allows us to reflect on the initial act of Jesus coming. It's been a great time of reflection. I am truly thankful that God chose to give us justification through faith by sending a part of him for us. What an awesome God!

Anyway, I hope you had a Merry Christmas!

6 months ago, 6 months to go.

6 months from today Tyler and I are getting married! Or technically yesterday because it is after midnight, but that is not the point. 6 months usually seems like a long time to me. It doesn't now. Let me tell you something about Tyler and I - he is patient, I am not. I have had to wait for a lot of things. Tyler and I had a weird relationship in high school. God really did us a huge favor by never letting things be right for us to date in high school. He definitely knew that we would mess things up if we did things on our own time. There were some pretty big periods of waiting in our relationship, but it was all for the best.

One thing that I appreciate so much about Tyler is that he thinks God's time is the most important time. He has honored God's plan for when things happen for us. While I hated most of it because of my wonderful dose of impatience, it has always been best. He was right all along that when things actually did happen- it would be worth it! It has been worth it. We have learned more about each other this past semester than ever before. All of the lessons we have learned this semester were much needed and so important to us moving forward. I am so proud of who he is. I am proud of what he values most, and that is God's plan. I am so lucky to have someone who puts God first.

So where was I 6 months ago? Besides not engaged =)

6 months ago on June 12, 2009 I was in Cambodia. I was currently spending my time at Rapha House loving on those girls. I was hugging them, playing with them, laughing with them, etc. I was being loved, hugged, and laughed at all in the process. Especially as I tried to speak their language to them =). Funnily enough, the language of hugs, kisses, and holding their hands spoke enough.

It's crazy to think that was 6 months ago. In some ways it feels like it was 6 years ago. So much has changed in my life since then. The most obvious change is that I am engaged now. That's a pretty big difference. I have changed. I have taken on more responsibility at College Heights. I decided to invest more by leading a d-group. I have dealt with some other crazy things that have honestly taken over my mind since Cambodia.

Today I spent just a couple of hours at the Rapha House gallery. They were having an Open House for Christmas. It was a lot of fun to be a part of. It was the first real opportunity I had to volunteer and I am really glad I did. All week I was kind of in a mood. I was pretty down, not really for any good reason. The week before finals is always stressful. So today I woke up and was kind of feeling better. But being at Rapha House changed my day. It's so hard to me to go in to the gallery and come out with the same mood I had before. Rapha House and my little sisters there have changed my life forever. I don't know how many people I said that to today. I mean it. I am forever changed because of them. They are forever changed because of the hope of Jesus Christ. I love that.

There was a video playing. It was a pretty recent thing. I am not sure when it was taken, but it was taken since I had been there. It was crazy how different some of the girls looked. The youngest girls in particular. They were so young and so happy when I was there, and not a lot had changed. They were still beautiful little girls and laughing constantly. I tried to describe these girls to some visitors in the gallery but it's like, near impossible to relay how beautiful, inside and out, these girls are. It's impossible to relay to you the incredible impact they have on any life that comes in contact with them. Those girls have a special place in my heart. It's really hard to think that it's been 6 months since I have hugged them, kissed them on the forehead, held their hand, played with their hair, signed "I love you", and watched one sister in particular stand outside my window on the bus waving and pressing her hand opposite of mine on the cold glass. Saying goodbye to them was one of the hardest nights of my life so far. That whole experience, the last hugs, watching them out the window, and driving away, is so fresh. But I know that I will get the experience of reconnecting with them someday. I miss them. I know they love and miss me.

For anyone who has ever prayed for a girl at Rapha House, I just want you to know that they love you. They pray for you too. They are so thankful for you. I mean this. If you showed up on that piece of land today, they would celebrate you. They love you. They would change your life if you ever got the chance to meet them. Just like you would change theirs.

It's still crazy how the girls that have been through the worst lifestyle, not by choice, are the most joyful girls I have ever met. It still amazes me to think about. Today I kind of re-lived that moment of my first steps into the gate at Rapha. It gives me chills and tears to think about. To be surrounded by victims of sex-trafficking and being celebrated by them is incredible. Really, just the fact that they celebrate life is incredible.

I can't wait to see how my life changes in the next 6 months. I have a feeling it's going to be pretty good =).

I need you now and forever.

Okay, maybe it has been awhile. This has been my busiest semester so far. Yet it is the least amount of school hours I have ever taken. Good thing I dropped that class before the semester started! So lets cover what is new with me and maybe what has been keep me so busy (besides school work!)

1. College Heights. Can I just say I LOVE this church! It's an awesome place for a college student to grow and go to worship each week. But more than that- the people I worship with follow me throughout the week. It's awesome. Our youth ministers wife, Michelle, has invested a lot in me and is helping me learn how to be the significant other of a minister. She's awesome. We are so different in so many ways, but that challenges me more than anything! I love her a lot.

My d-group meets weekly and they are awesome! I have four girls that are honest and transparent. They ask questions and bring thoughts to our group that I did not think of. I don't think they realize that they are leading me just like I am meant to lead them. They are so awesome. We are going through My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. It's just a very short daily reading, but SO thought provoking and deep. It's not something to be taken lightly. These girls have been consistent and growing. I love them a whole lot!

2. This past week was VERY exciting. I mean VERY exciting. Friday and Saturday were both AMAZING days. Lets start with Friday.

Last week I got a call telling me that the Cambodian director of Rapha House would be in town to visit as he is in the US for the National Missionary Convention. When I heard this I was VERY excited! I finally got to see a Khmer person for the first time since Cambodia- and it happens to be one of my favorite Khmer people. Let me just tell you a bit about this man. He used to have a pretty awesome job. He gave it up for Rapha House. He gave it up to take part in rescuing girls from awful lives and letting them explore Gods plans for their lives. He is incredible. He was never too busy for the girls. He spent evenings out playing soccer with them. Even if he was on his way to do some important work, he always found time to stop and hug each girl or stop and play with them briefly. He has a heart for these girls as big as anyone I know. Not only that, he cares about every single person he meets. Including the perpetrators of these girls. His heart is awesome.

So as I walked up to him on Friday night at the Rapha House open House, I got a reaction I didn't expect. He totally recognized me. I didn't expect him to remember my name but he knew he had met me. I was excited about that. He was very happy to see me and meet Tyler as well. I was so so so glad that at least one of the people closest to me could have the opportunity to meet a man I look up to. Not only did he recognize me, but he gave me very detailed updates on my two little sisters that I love and miss so so much! He told me that the younger of the sisters is doing so well and growing to love God more and more each day. Praise the Lord! He did say that the older sister has troubles from day to day. She is in a bit of a different stage of life so it's a little different, but it was not too concerning he said. That's another awesome thing about it. They have around 100 girls in their program... and he knows the progress of each of them as individuals. He is awesome. I sent him a letter and some pictures a couple months back and so he finally put a face and a name to that package. That was fun. He took a picture with me on his camera to show my little sisters that he saw me. That was an awesome night!

Okay so Saturday came. And well, that was pretty exciting.

It all started with a typical date. Tyler took me to one of our favorite places (Olive Garden). This is where we had our first date. When we go to dinner he usually tells me sometime during the meal what the rest of the night holds for us. This particular night he told me we would go to Kara and Jeremiah's to play games. Recently we have been going over there a lot and playing Clue. So, it's not that I don't want to hang out with my best friend, but I was kind of upset. I didn't understand why would spend our date night with them. So I kept asking how long we would be there and why were going and it that meant our special date time was over as soon as dinner was over. I was genuinely upset.

So we got to their apartment and usually they have to let us in the first door and then we walk through the hall and get to their actual apartment door. So I thought it was strange that neither of them waited for us but both doors were just cracked (but no, I still didn't understand what was going on.) So I opened the door to their apartment. It was pretty dim and I could see a couple of tea light candles from the walk way- again, I thought, this is weird. So I kept walking further and all of the sudden one of our favorite songs, "Until You" by Dave Barnes, began to play right at the chorus. (the first words I heard were "I need you now and forever") So it kinda began to fall together. As I walked further and got my first view of the living room, this is what I saw: (but just imagine it dimmer)

I was shocked!! So I just kinda stopped because I didn't have any idea what to do. So Tyler came over to me, got down on one knee, and asked me to marry him! It was the best thing ever! I couldn't believe it. I was sooo upset with him that we were going over there... little did I know. He definitely did the best job ever surprising me. He also did the best job ever getting me this:

Yeah I love it! I was so excited! And I was also equally surprised by this ring! After he proposed, my best friend and her husband came out of hiding and celebrated with us. She had two bridal magazines and a card ready for us. They were so awesome and I am so thankful they got to be a part of that night as well! So thanks to them for letting it all happen in their apartment. Apparently Kara has known about this for two weeks... I couldn't believe it!

I am so excited to finally get to start planning my life with Tyler! I have liked him for so so so long. I cannot believe that we are getting married! It's so weird. After 6 1/2 years of being friends, and we are finally moving to this awesome step! It's all so very exciting.

Anyway, there you go. I thought you should know a little bit about what has been going on with me.

"I need you now and forever, just stay right here with me, don't ever leave. Love was kept from me like a secret, I swore that I was through until you."

A non-Cambodian post!

God is so good. Something happened last week and it has kinda been on my mind all week, so I might as well share it.

A student in our youth group talked to Tyler last week about wanting to be in a small group. She and another girl were hoping to get in one. He explained that small groups happen as students want them and leaders want them. So he told her he would talk to Beau, the high school minister, and get back to her. Just fifteen minutes or so after that I texted him. Earlier this year I was supposed to start leading my group of girls from our girls retreat as a small group, but only two could really commit to our group. So I was kinda bummed about not having a small group like I had planned so I didn't know how he would suggest I go about getting a small group. So naturally, he was kinda blown away about the timing of the two conversations. One week later I have five girls committing to a d-group with me. I am SO excited.

I had coffee this morning with our high school minister's wife, Michelle. I wasn't really sure why necessarily, all I knew is that God kinda laid it on my heart last week to meet with her and talk about this whole leading a small group thing. I am really glad I did. I left there feeling so encouraged. I mean, the whole timing made it apparent that this was God's idea and God's plan and not about how I want to lead girls, but about how he wants me to lead girls. But even after my conversation with Michelle I do feel that this is right. She gave me more insight on some of the girls that just really showed me that I have more to offer them than I thought.

After church tonight I still am feeling really encouraged. I feel like this is the exact group that God has decided for me to minister to. Each I feel I can relate to on a lot of different levels and I feel that God has good things in store.

I am also just so thankful for the ministry at College Heights. I told Michelle today that I have never thought I would even want to stay in Joplin for longer than I am going to school, but I would. I am so thankful to be in Joplin at this time. There are so many Godly women that are willing to invest in me and my life. I had a conversation tonight with a minister's wife. It just blows my mind that she genuinely cares for me, but it's obvious she does. We spent one semester working on the same team but she always stops to talk and my conversations with her leave me so encouraged. There are so many women in my life right now that are constantly pouring and I couldn't be more thankful. I have been very ready to move on from Joplin, but I do realize that I am never going to be in this place ever again. So I need to get what I can from it. Having this state of mind is such a blessing. It is so easy to hate where I am. Being in college is kinda rough sometimes, being where I am in relationships is rough, but I couldn't change anything. I am so thankful for where I am right now. There are so many people pouring in to mine and Tyler's lives. It's awesome.

Well there we go. My first post that is not about Cambodia, crazy! But I know that the changes that have happened in me in the past few months all began in Cambodia. So really- it all relates.

I hope your week is awesome!

Words

Whenever the word hope is mentioned, I picture two of the six year old girls experiencing their first month of true hope that they have been introduced to. Whenever the word justice is mentioned, I think of the people still begging on the side of the road in Cambodia and how they have yet to receive their justice. Whenever peace is mentioned, I think of the morning we spent touring Rapha House and I can clearly hear girls singing in Khmer. Whenever the word freedom is mentioned, I picture the girls playing soccer in the front. Whenever the word love is mentioned, I lose it completely. All I can think about is the love that I have for my two beautiful Khmer sisters. I think about how much they loved me. I think about how much God loves those amazing girls. I think about how their love literally changed my life. I think about how his love has changed their life. I think about how he loves the outcasts that fill Women's Island. He loves the kids at the kids club. He loves the parents that are only looking out for themselves. He loves the parents who sell their children. He loves the men who buy the children. That mostly leads to this: I think about how he still loves the offender. He loves the men who live in Cambodia and take part in the booming sex industry. He even loves the American business man who flies over seas to take part in this terrible act. His love isn't conditional. His love isn't reserved for the people who try to act according to his word. His love is reserved for every single person who has ever breathed a single breath.

Love is a crazy thing. I have never seen God's love as best as I saw it in Cambodia. Love has many different faces to me. People who love me, people who I love. It's never people that I should be loving but am not. Who am I to choose who is worth my love? I don't deserve God's love. I accept it and I am so thankful for it, but I have never done a single thing worth the amount of love he has for me. I get more from him than I deserve. For that reason, every single person I have ever seen, talked to, thought about, and those who I don't know exist, are worth every bit of my love.

If I don't love them, how will they ever know that God does?

Reflection

6/10/09

"Last night was eye opening. As we drove through Phnom Penh we began to see the Red Lights go on in the back of establishments. The girls began to take their places to be seen and attract customers. It was heart breaking. I wanted to jump out of the bus and save them but I know that some of them don't even want to be saved. It's so frustrating to witness it right in front of my face but do nothing about it. Why can't we save them?"

"As we walked down the isle the girls made, I cried. It was an experience I will never forget. I have no words to describe what it was like being celebrated by girls who have been raped and abused countless times. It was overwhelming.

The girls are beautiful. I think what makes them more beautiful than other Cambodian women that we have seen is their joy. The Lord brightly shines through their mouths, their eyes, and their voices. Who knew such young girls that have been through such terrible things could have more joy than I could. I love them so much."

6/11/09

"We got to take our tour of Rapha House this morning. The whole location was peaceful and calm. Very often we could hear girls singing in the background. It was beautiful. The buildings are beautiful and calm. You can just tell that God lives at Rapha House."

6/12/09

"After that, we sat on the porch. She just laid her head in my lap and I played with her hair. Love doesn't speak one language. It is a language. It was a beautiful moment."

"I saw her at the market. I didn't know she was shopping for me at the time though. The necklace has a guitar on it. It's not the prettiest necklace, but it's the most beautiful thing I own. I can't believe she spent money on me. I can see that she loves me. I love her so much. I will miss these two girls more than anything in the world."

6/13/09

"I learned tonight that I have to let go. In order to help them heal, I have to let go. I can be in their hearts and they can be in mine. I will see them again. I will spend eternity with them. I thank God for that. I can't wait to worship with my sisters in His very presence."

6/14/09

"My heart feels heavy. I already miss them so much. Their smiles are as bright as the sun and their laughter is the sweetest music this world could ever give. Their hugs are as sweet as can be and the way they hold my hand warms my heart. She was not as happy tonight. I know she was dreading our goodbye. So was I.

I felt so alone when driving away. I was on a bus full of people I have only known for a week. I had just said goodbye to people that I love. I longed for a familiar embrace. I longed for someone that knows me to comfort me.

I long for their protection. I pray that as sisters they will always watch over each other. Their sisterly love astounds me... and that they would treat me the same way. God blessed my heart through my sisters."

Progress

http://www.examiner.com/x-16813-Legal-News-Examiner~y2009m8d31-Operation-Twisted-Traveler-arrests-American-sex-tourists-in-Cambodia

I don't know if you have seen anything on the news about this, but it is making pretty big level news. And it's exciting.

People think that they can go to places like Cambodia and other countries in SE Asia and do what is unacceptable in America. I am not just saying that because that's what someone else told me. I say that because standing in a market in Siem Reap I overheard an man telling his son that it's okay to do this in Cambodia, but not at home. That's one of those stories that I don't think most people want to hear, but here are three men who did the same exact thing. And it's making headlines. To me, this is a good day. I know that it's not like they raided another brothel or arrested 50 people. But three more men out of Cambodia is a major victory. The news caring about this is huge. People are going to see this and realize that it isn't okay like they assume.

The hardest part about my whole trip wasn't being with girls who have been through sex-trafficking. The hardest part wasn't leaving Rapha House. The hardest part wasn't dealing with cultural differences. The hardest part was seeing western men walking the streets at night looking for places to go and not being able to do a single thing about it. This is why this one story of three men feels like a huge milestone to me. Because I have seen men just like them. I have been to the exact village they mention in that article.

I cry a lot about things that have to do with Cambodia... pretty much everyday. But tonight it's not a sad cry. These are tears of extreme hope in the fact that God will bring justice in His time. Even if it happens slowly. He doesn't abandon His people.

You'll Come

Chains be broken, lives be healed, eyes be opened, Christ is revealed.

Those are lyrics to a Hillsong United song called "You'll Come". I love this song for a lot of reasons. Mostly because the lyrics are so full of optimism and hope.

At one point on my trip, I found myself on a 5 hour boat ride from Battambang to Siem Reap. Prior to leaving, we were told that we will past through boating villages and communities. We were told that sex trafficking existed even in those communities. So for a portion of this trip, Malia, Jessica, and I sat on the very front of the boat out from underneath the covering. It gave us a much cooler breeze and view of all of the people. I was thankful for this leg of travel because it allowed us to see yet another side of Cambodia: the people who choose to live on the rivers.

I eventually turned my Ipod on. I put the songs on shuffle. And I am pretty sure God chose what songs to play for me. There were a series of songs that had totally uplifting lyrics and helped me feel like there is so much hope for Cambodia. It gave me hope for the girls that I know are still in trafficking.

Eventually You'll Come came on. The very first words of this song are "Chains be broken, lives be healed, eyes be opened, Christ is revealed." As I am watching the people as we float by, some children wave and run as much as they can to continue to wave to us, some children look hopeless. So here I am, staring into the faces of children that are potentially in modern day slavery and the words "chains be broken" are being repeated in my ears. That moved me. I wanted to reach out to each child we passed and tell them that there is hope for them too. I wanted to tell them that even though their physical shackles might not ever be broken, they can obtain freedom. Even in modern day slavery, people can have hope, peace, love, and even justice.

We sang this song in chapel yesterday. It was actually the very first song we sang. That was hard. But it was kind of appropriate timing. Because when I am in chapel at 10 o'clock AM on a Tuesday morning, it is 10 o'clock Tuesday evening in Cambodia. This means that while I am freely worshipping God with my classmates on campus at my school of choice, thousands of girls are preparing themselves for the night of work that lies ahead. It's hard. It's hard to be surrounded by loving Christians singing words like "chains be broken" and automatically my thoughts are filled with the horrible night that lies ahead for thousands of girls.

So what do I do? Well I have to pray. There is no other choice. I have to automatically pray for the girls that are in bondage. I have to pray because I can picture riding our bus around Phnom Penh at night looking in to the shops, seeing the red lights go on and the girls come out. I have to pray that God will bring them some sign of comfort and hope that night if they won't be rescued.

I know there is hope for the 27 million people still in modern day slavery. I just have to pray that they can see the hope as well.

"I have told you these things so that in me you may find peace. In this world you will face many troubles but take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

How Great Thou Art

Disclaimer: For some of you, you are reading my blog because you received my follow-up letter in the mail this week. I just want to encourage you to read previous posts about Cambodia. I have already written about many stories that are dear to my heart. I hope you will go back to read those too!

Okay, end the disclaimer!

-----

Our first morning at Rapha House was particularly serene. I can remember touring the compound thinking about how peaceful that morning was. It was quiet, you could hear the slight wind... But mixed in with the quiet I could hear some of the girls singing. It was beautiful to hear nothing but their voices literally echoing throughout the buildings. I also remember it being particularly cool that morning which added to the peacefulness. Morning time in Cambodia are generally the hottest hours of the day. But God really blessed us as we saw the buildings and experienced the land for the first time.

But before we were able to tour the grounds, we experienced our first staff devotion with the incredible Rapha House staff members. I did not think a whole lot going into this time, but it turned out to better than I expected (as was every experience on my trip). My team was able to share a little bit about ourselves individually, then the staff introduced themselves to us as well. One of the first things we did was worship. They had hymnals to sing out of and we could join in when we knew the song, or participate by praying when we did not know the songs.

The very first song we sang was How Great Thou Art. As we began to sing with them my heart filled with a new gratitude toward God. Hearing the voices of our team worshipping in English mixed with the voices of the staff worshipping in Khmer was unlike anything I have ever experienced. At first our voices were distinct. The people there just sing in a different way. We rarely heard harmony and it became obvious that singing to them is not about the music what-so-ever at all. As we moved on from verse to chorus to verse, our voices meshed. It could have been my own ears adjusting, but personally, I think that God blessed me with a new view that morning. It's like he allowed me to hear what he hears. He doesn't hear Khmer or English, he just hears our hearts. I am still so thankful he opened my ears in such a way that I could hear the beautiful worship of his people from more than one place in this world.

I love how God weaves past experiences into new experiences. I say this because my very first Sunday back at home I was really excited to be back at church. Ironically, the very first song we sang that Sunday was How Great Thou Art. It was a very different sound than worshipping in Cambodia (as expected!)... but clear as day, I could hear the Rapha House Staff singing the same song in Khmer. I have a feeling that I will always be hearing that song in Khmer from now on. And that is really okay with me.

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee, how great thou art...

Freedom in Cambodia

The sound at Rapha House is soothing. I don't think it is the compound, or the acoustics. It is just the girls. Anywhere they are, beautiful music is played. Their laughter is overwhelming. Hearing them laugh and play with each other brings so much joy.

It is an overwhelming sound of freedom.

Yes, the most important thing is that the girls were saved from slavery. They are no longer slaves to horrific master. That's a great thing. But the girls are given so much more than they bargained for. You see, other children in Cambodia (even children who are not in slavery) are not free. Most children that we came in contact with were still under a different kind of bondage. If they have younger siblings, they become caretakers.

Our group put on a Mother's Clinic one day. Two mothers in our group spoke to the Khmer mothers. They talked about being good mothers and the ways to do that. They talked about health, nutrition, and caretaking. They also told the mothers to be mothers and let their kids be kids. The mothers don't allow their older children to run and play and be kids. They expect them to take care of their younger siblings(something ironic is that one girl brought her little sister to the mommy clinic because she is her caretaker...) They might be free in the sense that they aren't slaves of sex trafficking or of child labor. But they are not free to be kids.

In America, we have opportunity. Seeing chilren playing on a playground or in front yards is not uncommon. The only place you see children playing in Cambodia is in the dirty streets, but that is only until their parents find out where they are.

I have mentioned the Kids Club we participated at. This place is freedom for the kids of the slums. As different as those kids were, they showed me a new sense of freedom. Watching those kids come through the gate is like watching them run into a candy shop or a water park. They light up. They wait outside of the gates just to get in to play for the afternoon and they become sad when 7 oclock comes and it is time to go home. Their freedom for the day is gone. The family that we worked with is Jesus to their neighborhood. They provide a way for kids to be kids.

Like I said, there is nothing like watching the girls at Rapha laugh and play with each other. They know they have been given freedom from sex trafficking, freedom from obligations to be caretakers for younger siblings, but most of all, Rapha House gives them freedom in Christ. They are given teaching about how Jesus died to set them free.

I still have a hard time understanding why God gave me the opportunity to be a part of something so great in a place that is overcome with darkness. I hope that by everything that I write you can understand how your prayers and thoughts are a part of a huge light in Cambodia.

Isaiah 58:6-14: Justice

The people of Cambodia don't really have anyone fighting for them. Because of the Khmer Rouge, there is so much poverty. Because of this poverty, they have to do whatever is possible to make money. This includes things like, making jewelry, learning to cut hair, sewing clothes or making fabrics, or things like selling their children. Luckily, there are organizations bringing justice to much of the slave situations. There are people rescuing children and arresting the perpetrators. But still, the people of Cambodia are hurting. No one is fighting for them. No one besides God. This passage brings me a lot of confidence that God is looking out for all of the nations that have no one else fighting for them.

⁶ "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.

⁹ Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

¹¹ The Lord will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

¹² Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

¹³ "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the Lord's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

¹⁴ then you will find your joy in the Lord,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
The mouth of the Lord has spoken.

Love, Justice, Freedom

While I was in Cambodia, a lot of the members of my team were discussing tattoos. Many of them planned on getting tattoos when they returned to their hometowns. All of these tattoo ideas were about words or ideas that would constantly remind them of our experiences. I don't have any problems with tattoos. I think they are for some people but not for others. They are not for me... the whole pain thing, plus who knows if I would love to look at it in 30 years... It's just not for me. But I wanted to do something. I wanted to do something artistic and meaningful. I wanted it to be something that could go in a place that would remind me each and every day of the things that I learned. So I bought a canvas and I painted.

There we go. So I will dedicate this one post to the first word that I painted. First I will tell you that the colors are all significant. The first color, which is a bright blue, is to represent one of the two girls I became attached to. She had three or four shirts total and two of them were that bright blue. That's what she met the night I met her... I will always associate that color with her.

Love.

Have you ever loved a person and all that they wanted was for you to express that love to them? Have you ever known someone who you were sent to love and they just relish in your love for hours? It's easy to love them.

Have you ever been told to love people that want nothing to do with you? Have you tried to love a person who just does not really feel the need to be loved by you? It's hard to love them.

The Rapha House girls wanted our love. I know that I loved those girls long before I met them... but I am positive they loved me before I arrived. They have so much love to give. But more interestingly, they want love. They just want to be held and adored. So that's what we did. From the moments we arrived until the moment I was sitting on the bus to leave Rapha for the last time, they loved on us and accepted our love. These girls were made to love and be loved.

So as you can imagine, when we entered the gates of the Kids Club in Phnom Penh, we were shocked. Initially I expected lovable kids to fill the area. But let me tell you about the kids that are not given the life at Rapha House. They are rough. We walked in the gates and were not greeted by smiling children who anticipated our hugs. We were greeted by children who looked us up and down and did not care to love on us. The hardest part was that they were reluctant to accept our love. I am guessing I hugged about 3 kids in the 3 or 4 days I spent there. Some children would run up and hit us and run away. We had instances of them drawing inappropriate pictures on the pieces of paper we had given them to draw on.

Honestly, I wanted to just go and sit down and have nothing to do with them. I had just spent 3 or 4 days with the most beautiful and lovable little girls in Cambodia and now I was with children who did not want my love. I told myself that my time is precious and I don't need to be spending my time trying to give my love to kids that don't want it. Uh, hold on. Did I just say that? Did I just say that I don't need to love the people who are harder to love and should just love people who already have plenty of love? You probably know where I am going with this.

One of the greatest lessons I learned was about loving people who don't want my love. Those people are probably the ones that need my love and attention most of all. Loving the girls at Rapha was sooo easy! But the Kids Club... it was soooo hard.

I think that we can find these two groups of people in America. We find people who want to be loved and we find people who think they are perfectly fine without the love of anyone. Those are the people that I want to love. I want to love the people who say they don't need love. I want those people to become like the other people who long to be loved by anyone and everyone and to give that love in return. I want the children of the Kids Club to become like the girls at Rapha, where love is in the center of their lives.

So I hope this can encourage you when it's hard to love someone. Whether it's someone you know, someone you don't know, someone you work with... just remember that those are the people that might need your love more than those who accept your love easily.

A very special guitar.

There were two girls who I met at Rapha House that had a pretty big impact on my life. These two girls are sisters. Their ages are 13 and 17. They have lived at Rapha House for three years. Originally, they were sold for labor trafficking in a boating community... but eventually they were exploited in the community. They were sold together, rescued together, and now they love life together.

Right now I want to tell you about one of them. The older sister had a huge impact on my life. She was actually the very first girl that introduced herself to me at the beginning of the welcoming party. I had no idea that she would continue to hold such a special place in my heart...and she will forever.

My first big memory with her was on the second night. I had been spending my time with the two sisters and eventually, she started calling me mother. This touched my heart in a new way. I began wondering some things... I had to guess that her mother is not in her life. Some families are still in touch with their daughters, but I assume hers isn't. She was calling a perfect stranger one of the dearest names. A mother is someone who loves and protects you. A mother is a person who provides. What did I do that she would call me mother? Might I mention that she is just 3 years younger than me? I can't imagine a 17 year old that I know today walking up to me and calling me that. But I am going to be honest, I wish I could have brought her home to be her mother. But I know that it must be my place to love her from the other side of the world.

Something I should mention before I begin the next memory is that we were not really supposed to ask girls what their stories are. No matter how close we felt to them, some of them are not far enough in the healing process to verbalize their stories outside of counseling. So stories just were not shared. I don't know if the girls realize that we know why they live there, or if they think we don't have any idea.

The second memory I should mention was after devos on the same night that she called me mother. One of the other girls on our team had given her own testimony of how her father trafficked her as a child. After devos, the girl who called me mother found our translator so she could tell me something. She pulled Theara over and spoke to her a minute and told her to tell me something that shocked me. She wanted me to know that she had the same story as the girl who gave her testimony... that she had also been trafficked. I honestly had no idea what to say, so I just hugged her. Her sister was standing right there so I just hugged both of them. I told them I loved them. What do you say when a girl wants you to know that she had been trafficked? I was touched that she wanted me to know.

The final one happened on our last day in town. We had stopped by the salon where the girls work (this particular girl works there) and were going to walk over to the market. So we walk over, and we notice some of the girls that work at the salon were shopping. So I found my girl and gave her a hug and told her I would see her later tonight. So we go back to the salon where we were supposed to meet and she pulled me into a back room. She then gave me a necklace. I'll just be honest, when I saw the necklace I had to let out a little giggle. It's a pretty good sized guitar. It's unique, but I have to love it. I couldn't believe that she would spend her money on me. I wanted to tell her to get her money back! But I have worn it every single day since I left and will continue to. It's the silliest necklace, but it's probably she most meaningful peace of jewelry I have.

I wish I could tell you her name, or show you her beautiful face... and I can in person. But for the safety of the girls we are not to share their information or publish pictures to the internet. I would love for you to find me and ask to see her picture, along with her sisters...and show you the beautiful necklace she gave to me.

After she began to call me mother I would correct her and tell her we are sisters. Instead of her being my daughter, I told her it would be better if we are sisters because we will be sisters for eternity, so we should just start being sisters now. One of the things that excites me most about Heaven right now is knowing that I can talk to all of my dear sisters from Rapha. I can talk to them without frustration, hesitation, or worry that they will understand. And the best part is we are going to be worshipping the same God together for longer than a lifetime.

Freedom

I know that this holiday is about our freedom. As Christians it is also about our freedom from sin. But this year I can't help it but reflect on a different freedom. Freedom for people that don't live in America and don't designate today to celebrate their freedom.

In the 70's the people of Cambodia spent 4 years under the rule of the Khmer Rouge. They experienced communism. They were forced to leave their homes in the city and take part in what Pol Pot thought was the best way to run a country. He forced them to do labor as a part of his view that the agricultural lifestyle would do best for them. Eventually he began executions. Who did he have killed? Anyone who was educated, or previously worked with the government. He feared being overthrown and decided that only educated people would do that, so he had them killed. Over the four years about 1.7 million people died. They died of execution, malnutrition/starvation, and other diseases after being forced to live in the country.

I also think about each of the girls I met that are experiencing freedom today that I cannot even comprehend. They were slaves. They were slaves in like, the worst way possible. They were in bondage for years. They were used for years. But now they are in a home where they are given the freedom to be children. They laugh and play. They get an education, and they are excited about their education. They have the freedom to love life again.

I am thankful for my freedom. But for two weeks I was shown what freedom from modern day slavery is like. I was also shown places where there are still girls in bondage. I was shown a whole nation of people that have a new excitement and zest for life because they are free from the Khmer Rouge.

So today, I am thankful for my freedom. But I am thankful for the freedom of people all over the world that have been through years of slavery and bondage. I am thankful for the opportunity to see a new freedom in the Kingdom of Cambodia. I am thankful to have spent time with girls who are now dwelling in a place that they have been given a new freedom.

Walking down the isle...

Many people in my lifetime have informed me that walking down the isle would be one of the greatest moments of my life. They were right, but I don't think they knew what isle they were talking about.

As we arrived at Rapha House on a Wednesday night, our whole bus grew silent. We were finally at the place we had all been anticipating. We have looked forward to meeting the girls who have dealt with such a hard past and just to love on them. My team leader stood up and just smiled at us and prayed. During this prayer, we were all so filled with excitement that most of us began to cry. Yes, I cried about meeting the girls even before I met them. As we got off the bus, we could hear lots of clapping and cheering. The girls were clapping for us. They had formed an isle from the front of the gate and into the compound. As I approached the isle I was handed a beautiful arrangement of flowers and proceeded to walk down the isle. As I walked down the isle girls would reach out their hands in the midst of their huge smiles and their clapping. I would briefly hold on to each hand as I moved down the isle. It was completely overwhelming. At the end of the isle stood members of my team and we all just cried.

Prior to getting of the bus my team leader told us that entering the gates at Rapha House would be much like entering the gates of Heaven. What's amazing to me is that I do believe that it would be similar... an isle of people cheering for me and these people greatly anticipating my arrival. I don't know how it could have been better, but that's the cool part. Heaven is even going to be better than that.

I was surrounded by girls that had been sex trafficked for their whole lives before being there and they were cheering for me. They had been preparing to meet me all day long, just as I prepared to meet them. I have never felt so unworthy of celebration before. I just wanted to clap for them and show them how amazing they are and how each one of them is a miracle. Those people in my life were right. Walking down the isle was the absolute greatest moment of my life. And sure, there might be another isle some day to rival that moment. But I think this moment will always be placed on a whole different level.

So I currently find myself in Panama City Beach, FL. Quite a big change from Cambodia. I am happy to have a week of this whole reintegrating thing. It's not very easy on a lot of levels. The food is different here and not easy to adjust to, I think my stomach still thinks it should get certain meals at certain times and it doesn't, falling back to sleep is not an option. I am sleeping at a weird time than I have been and so if the slightest noise wakes me up, I stay awake cause my body is confused as to why I am sleeping in the first place.

I would love to share all of the details about my trip but it's really hard to do. The trip was very emotionally tiring. We did not do much physical labor, but mentally and emotionally and spiritually it was tiring. While everything was happening it was not easy to take it all in, so right now I am still processing. I cry a lot. I miss it a lot. I think about where I would be eating breakfast, or where I would be on my way to if I were there and it makes me sad. I didn't think I could like it as much as I did.

But it's just really hard to tell people why it was amazing. It was the best thing in my life, and part of my heart is always going to be in Battambang, Siem Reap, and Phnom Penh. I can tell you the things we did, many stories, and show you pictures of the beautiful people and places that I saw. But I don't think I will truly ever convey why it changed my life. There are two little girls who single handedly changed my life. I wish I could show you their faces, but I can't on here.

I can answer questions and I can tell you stories, but if you just say tell me about your trip, I won't know what to say. I might just cry or something.

Sus' day from Cambodia!

Sus' day means goodmorning. it's technically not morning for me, or you, but its the only greeting i know.

Just wanted to update briefly while I have a moment! I love this place. the people, the girls, everything about it is incredible. the culture is incredible, this city is incredible.

God is truly working through this ministry. I want everyone to know and be a part of it.

Please keep praying for me and the team, and each life we encounter in Cambodia!

Acoon! (thank you)

4 days!

I have been trying to pack for days. But it just seems like nothing is ever ready to go. It's weird for me because I love packing. I love organize. I love making lists, and crossing things off! But I can't seem to find the desire to put the stuff in my bag.

So basically there are three initial things I worry about a lot concerning my trip to Cambodia.

1. Food. I am WAY picky when it comes to food. I don't even like Asian food... not at all. I have been told that at most meals I should be able to just have some rice and not a lot more. I can handle that... I like rice. My biggest fear about it is weird meat. I have this issue of if I don't like it, I don't eat it, and not eating leads my lovely head to a migraine. So let's just hope I will be brave and eat whatever is set in front of me!

2. I don't know anyone going. I am going alone. Okay, not alone, but not with anyone I know. I am not independent, I don't like to do things on my own. Why did I choose to go again? Oh well. I know that I have things in common with others going, like loving Jesus and stuff. That's a good thing to have in common with people I am traveling to Asia with!

3. LONNNGG plane ride. That totally scares me. Not because I think we are going to crash. That's not really on my mind. I am just worried about being claustrophobic and once again having a migraine. I also really hate using the rest room on planes. Ugh. Again, the question pops in my head, why am I going???

I was actually asked why I decided to go while I was at work today. I didn't have a terribly great answer. I just explained that sex trafficking is a terrible thing and that I want to do what I can to help the young girls that are forced into such a terrible trade. He told me it takes a special person to do that. I have confidence that God has been preparing my heart... and will be up until the very moment I leave.

I am also nervous about saying the wrong things. As I think about the girls and how sometimes they are sold by family members, people they love and trust, husbands, aunts, uncles... I hope I can be sensitive to the fact that their view of family and friends and trust and love and even their view of life is going to be far different from my view. I live with a loving family who would never sell me to meet their financial needs. I have friends who would not trick me for the purpose of selling me. I will have a husband who will marry me to share life with me, not so it's easier to sell me. But they don't have that. Someday they may be able to have family, friends, and love the way I will. But right now they don't. I hope I can be sensitive to that and say the right things. More importantly, hopefully I won't say the wrong things.

Well, I think that concludes my final blog before I go. Please pray for all of the things I have mentioned. Also, I will leave a link to the website that will have trip updates throughout. I don't really know how often it will happen, but in case you care, here it is!

http://www.ciy.com/missions/trips/updates/

You should be able to find updates on there. I have no idea who will do it or when, but it will happen.

Please remember me for the next two weeks...and remember the 19 others I will travel with... and the kids at the Kids Club and young ladies of Rapha House as I share my love for Jesus with them. It's going to be an adventure!

It's all about the timing.

First, I just have to say that Kris Allen is quite amazing. I actually voted for the first time since Kelly. I have never wanted a person to win American Idol so bad. But I have also never wanted a person to NOT win so bad. (David Archuleta is close in who I wanted not to win, but I think I could have handled that okay...)

I just think that when a white guy from Arkansas sings a Kanye West song and like makes me LOVE a Kanye West song(a song that I previously hated)...he means business.

Anyway, more important things.

I am thankful for new beginnings and transitions. The transitioning of life is refreshing and a reminder that God's plans are what is right. I am just thankful for his timing.

Cambodia is nearing..but there's a lot before. I started working today. I don't love this job but it is great money. So I can't complain. Not to mention working with my sister is AWESOME! It's great to get tips again...I love taking money home everyday =)!

Saying goodbye yesterday was way hard. I cried a lot on Sunday night, a lot on Monday morning... so many tears. I hate leaving when things are just great. I didn't get to see Kara yesterday but as I drove away, all I could think about was leaving my two best friends. I haven't ever had a friend like Kara. I hate that our lives have to change so drastically to where we aren't even in the same place anymore... but soon we will be. I can't wait to go celebrate the most awesome party of her life with her. I am SO excited to be with her on that day.

I just can't thank God enough for his divine timing and the way that he shows us his love by timing things his own way. I am thankful he doesn't listen to me. I couldn't have pictured a better time.

Hellloooooo summer!

Summer is always an exciting word, but not today.

Summer=leaving Joplin. This is something I am not ready to do quite yet. Mostly because my two best friends will be here... and when I come back to Joplin in a few weeks, one of those best friends will be getting married. How weird. I don't know if I am ready to give her up as my roommate... I don't know if it is possible to find another match like us. We recently talked about how we can't really think of any times when we have ever actually been upset with each other, or not wanted to live together, or didn't look forward to seeing each other. And now that goes away. How sad. I am ready to have my own room and have a lot of space... but I'd rather have a roommate like Kara.

I am not quite ready to do this whole distance thing with Tyler AGAIN. It seems to be the story of our entire friendship/relationship. "Hey, it's summer, I'm gonna go to Poland. Hey, it's summer, I'm gonna go to Houston. Hey, it's summer, at least I am staying in Joplin!" He stays closer and closer every year, so that's good. But I'd prefer no hour and half drive. At least I know I am coming back and I don't just live an hour away like high school.

Summer also means things like working a ton, going to Cambodia, going to church camp... I am kinda walking in to the unknown on two big things. A. Cambodia, which I think is enough said. B. Camp. It's weird to think I am going somewhere besides Cyokamo. I feel like I am cheating on Cyokamo. But I am so looking forward to spending a week straight with this youth group and just getting to know them better. Not just that, letting them get to know me better. I can only build relationships to a certain extent by spending two 2 hour intervals with them a week. Maranatha, here I come!

I am really looking forward to a lot of things, I just wish I didn't have to leave people here in Joplin. But really, working with my sister, Cambodia, Florida, church camp, and spending time with my family and high school friends? I guess it won't be too bad!

For such a time as this...

It has been a long while! It has been a busy few weeks...so busy!

First off, school is so consuming. This has definitely been the hardest semester. I am not sure if I have had more/harder work or it's just that there have been a few other things taking up my time. I have thoroughly enjoyed my classes this semester though. Each has been super interesting and I have been learning so much.

This semester I was given the opportunity to write four sermons and preach two to my class. That was quite an experience. A great experience. I had the opportunity to debate hot topics in my Philosophy class. That was also quite an experience, not the best one. I am not that comfortable with speaking in front of people without being prepared. I managed to do this without crying and fleeing the scene so I did overcome the expectations I had =)! I got to spend three hours a week learning a million new things about counseling. That class has been wonderful. I got to spend three hours a week learning about the way different social and ethnic groups interpret the Bible... also looking at the history of interpretation. So interesting! I also spent one night a week learning about the many different topics that women struggle with and how to minister to them in their times of crisis. I learned so much and definitely feel more prepared for situations that could arise in my future and in the future of those around me.

The Jason Mraz concert was this week. That was so awesome! It was so awesome to get to go and spend a night out with Lydia and my mom. It was their first time to see him live, I am glad I got to witness it. He is such an amazing musician. It has been four years since he has been to Tulsa... hopefully it won't be another four years for him to return

The last really tiring thing that has happened as of late was the Girls Retreat. We spent all semester preparing and praying for the high school girls at College Heights Christian Church. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know if it would be incredible or just okay. I knew our plans were great, but would everything come together? It sure did. The team of women that I got to work with was amazing. I'll tell you what, even being a leader this weekend, I needed so much of it. Being consumed with school, working, raising money, preparing to go to Cambodia, preparing to end this school year and leave all of my friends for months has been so tiring. I just spent 24 hours with 40 high school girls and probably 15ish amazing women. I have said/thought this so many times in the past semester: why did I get to take part in something so great with women so great? I am a 20 year old girl who doesn't have life figured out. Why could I be chosen to minister to girls who think that when you are 20 you do know what's going on and what life is. Well I don't. But something I learned this weekend was that it wasn't an accident. It wasn't an accident that I got to help plan, that I was placed in the group of girls I was placed with, that I spent last night at Julie's house and got a little refreshing moment of talking about things that don't get talked about in my life.

God gave me a lot of surprises in the past week in preparation for this weekend and all of them were perfect. It wasn't an accident. As tiring as it was to staying up past 3:00 AM, play last night at House of Bounce, and wake up at 8 AM and do Zumba... it was worth the truth sessions and the Royal Party where the girls were treated as they should be. We had a beautiful banquet and were served by wonderful women. I can catch up on sleep. I wouldn't have missed this for the world.

A certain song became the theme, so if you don't mind, I'll be sharing some lyrics.

Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence
Falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You

Terrify No More

I just finished one of the suggested readings for my trip to Cambodia and it was intense. I learned so much.

I learned about an organization that isn't just working to rescue young girls, but their mission actually works to stop the sex trade in Cambodia. They don't just save the girls and leave the brothels to replace the girls. They don't just buy the girls out to leave the brothels with more money than they would have even made on her before. They take the girls, put them in aftercare facilities, and work with Cambodian police to arrest the perpetrators. They do whatever it takes to stop this thriving business.

I learned so much about what I will be walking through when I walk the streets of Phnom Penh in less than two months. In less than two months I will see the places I read about... I will even meet girls just like the ones I read about.

I read so many stories of slaves gaining a freedom they were tricked out of earlier in life. So many of the people caught in slavery were tricked there. So many of the girls are tricked by older women and then sold. So many of these girls are sold by parents, aunts, or uncles... even husbands. So many of the people in slavery are bonded by a debt that was gained by a relative so many generations earlier that they don't even know their name. They are bonded by lies and threats. It's so frustrating!

But it's something I think everyone needs to know about. Dateline did a report on it, actually on the specific raid that took place in the book. I found it online and found it crazy to see the stories I read.

Well there is my little rant about Cambodia and about the new realization I have had on how much slavery there is in the world.

I am in awe that God is letting me be a part of this mission.

It was a calm evening at Sonic. I was about to take an order out and the phone rang, before I could make it out the door my manager told me it was for me. When my mom started the conversation with "everything is okay..." my mind went somewhere else. Why is it when we hear a phrase like that we assume the opposite? Lydia and James were still in Joplin and my first thought was that for some reason they would be coming home and they were in an accident... but it was something I couldn't have made up in my own mind. The words "dad" "stroke" and "brain aneurism"(ended up no brain aneurism) were involved. That's about all I got out of that conversation, other than gathering that I should stay somewhere that night.

I went home and got my things ready for school the next day and went to the Killions. It still confuses me why I would choose to go there instead of the comfort of my best friends home... but then again it makes sense. This is when I figured out that they really are my family too.

I walked in and it was really confusing. I told Blaine I was staying with them and he was just like, alright. So we watched TV and worked on homework... then Cathy came. She didn't know about my dad. That was probably one of the worst parts. It was less than two hours after I found out and I had to actually say it out loud to another person who had no idea. How do you get those words out? How did I? I have no idea. After that moment I decided to shower and sleep.

April 3rd, 2006 was over. I had no idea that that day would begin something new in my life and in the life of each person in my family. There were days harder than this one to come, but this day was significant. Three years later I can only say I am thankful for that day and everything that has come with this journey.

Decisions, decisions.

I have had to make a few decisions lately and something occured to me...I have gotten much better at saying no-even to the things I really want to do.

I really do wish I could apply to be RA, but I think it best if I don't. I am more interested in taking my involvement at College Heights to a new level. I would rather focus on that ministry... Those high school girls probably need more time from me than I would be able to give if I had to be here for my floor as well. While I think I could possibly handle this, I don't think it would be what is best for our floor. I really want this decision to be made based on the floor and not myself.

I would really love to lead a freshman small group, but a couple of the requirements would not fit in with what is best for my life next year.. an extra class that would cause me to rearrange my work schedule, and a recommended limit on how many hours I take... no thanks. I would love to, but once again, the small group I will be leading come May deserves my full attention.

I realized with my tax refund being more than $20 this year I could maybe afford to buy a digital camera. But then it hit me-- OH. By the end of July I have to drop $250 if I want insurance on my computer. So there goes my new digital camera, here comes $250 on something I hope I need. This is the first time I have wished that my computer would break. Gotta put that 250 to use.

School is going to end soon and that's weird. I'll be a junior. I am almost halfway done with college.. or at least at this level. It's so weird to me that I have no idea where I am going or what I will be doing after graduation. I hope I have clearer plans by this time next year. But who even knows. That's the crummy part of letting someone else have control of my plans. But the great part is at least I know He is making the right choices for me!

Countdown

I can't believe I preached today. I had been dreading this day all semester. It came, the preaching is done, and I'd like to think I conquered.

It was such a blessing to be able to take the work I put in to something, express it to my peers, and have them tell me that my sermon could be a blessing in their lives. I kinda viewed it as they are there to evaluate... but on my evaluation forms, so many of them wrote that they needed to hear what I had to say. I am so thankful that God calmed me...and that he used me today.

I have two weeks of NO assignments due. I don't even know what to think! I also no longer work on the weekends... all of the sudden all of this time is coming! Woo! It's wonderful to have a little break... on top of the week I just got =)

Countdown, anyone?

35 days til Jason Mraz!
51 days til school is out!
74 days til Cambodia!

These are exciting times!

Spring Break is coming to an end. What an unfortunate thing!

At one point, I was so eager to use my entire summer to do something By do something, I mean go somewhere... not be at home. But that is no longer the case. I am so eager to come back and work and just rest. I realize that the school year makes me so tired... summer is for a reason. This year, I have chosen to work, go to Cambodia, and work some more. I will also have the opportunity to go to church camp with College Heights... that will be weird. I have only been to two church camps in my entire life. Both are dear to my heart... but here is to a new one! Not to mention the fact that Tyler and I will be at camp together once again... crazy how things can end up!

Tyler and I spent the entire break together... people have made comments of how this is something significant. Believe it or not, I wanted nothing more than to spend the whole week with him. I will get a whole summer without him. That's enough time away.

I realized something weird today. A family friend mentioned to me that I am an adult... I got to thinking about how I can't picture living somewhere else. I can picture living at school of course, but I can't picture having my own apartment... or living with people other than my parents. I can't imagine not coming home for a summer, or moving on to a different place after graduation, yet it is what I want. I hate having this desire for something I can't even picture.

I can't picture Cambodia, or Rapha House, or the Kids Club or the faces of the girls I am going to meet. I can't picture moving out of my dorm room someday and into another home- my new home. I can't imagine being out of driving distance from Owasso. It's unfathomable... But in reference to unfathomable Heaven is- I think the best things are the one we can't picture.

That sure makes life a little more exciting.

Do you know what it's like when you get far enough into a friendship when it's not like you have to go out or do something out of the ordinary but just sitting in good company is sufficient? I love that. That point has been reached recently. So much that I like to spend my everyday sitting in the company of a few marvelous girls and there is nothing else I'd rather be doing... just laughing and saying extremely strange things and doing tongue stretches. Have you ever been there? I'm there.

Have you ever been to the place in your life when all of the sudden you are actually learning from school? I didn't do a whole lot of learning in high school... mostly just what I needed to get by. Don't get me wrong, I tried hard, but I don't think I retained a whole lot. But now that I am learning things I care about, I feel like I actually retain knowledge. I am actually growing in the brain area. I'm there.

Did you ever reach a point where you decided that right where you are is better than where you want to be? Not because it is suddenly the place you want to be, but because God's provision proves that he keeps us where we should be. I don't mean geographically. I mean mentally. I'm there.

Has there been a moment in your life when all of the sudden you are able to make sense of the past experiences you have had? Like, all of the sudden it hits you --"This is why God had me go through this..." These moments are great. I'm there.

Have you ever had a moment when you realize that something you dread doing and really hate to do is teaching you more than the things you love to do? I'm there.

Do you have those moments where all of the sudden it doesn't matter if someone has been treating you poorly or they seem to have given up on you? Why do we even reach those conclusions? Is it maturity, or apathy? I don't know. But I think I am there.

Did you ever face a time when your two worlds collide? (example: high school friends and college friends) I am about to be there.

Was there ever a time when God was sending you on this journey and you thought that the journey had a specific start date (June 7th would be my example), but the journey actually started the day God showed you which door of opportunity to knock on? I'm there.

That's where I am.

15

I cannot wait to be home next week. Speaking of, my birthday is a week from today.

I got my flight itinerary for my trip from LA to Cambodia this week.. That was weird. My first thought was "oh, you mean...I am actually going there??" Strange. Money is going well.. I have a very small amount left. It's been a great experience.

I have so many plans for this summer... it's crazy. Especially since three weeks of it is me being gone... which is wonderful. But I wonder how I am going to fit these plans in to the allotted time I have been given for a summer break.

My brother is coming home!! And he will be there on my birthday!!! How awesome!

Tyler and I have been together for 15 months today. I like that because this month celebrates 15 months and the 15th of this month is my birthday. 15 must be a good number for me.

I really hope Duke beats UNC today so I can wear my Duke hoodie to Biblical Communication for Women and show Damien how it feels!!

You know how people say that God has a sense of humor? I am pretty sure my birthday is the result of that sense of humor. What is one of my least favorite things to do? Watch sports. Football, Basketball, Baseball, Golf, ANYTHING except Volleyball. Yet, God has given me the birthday of this years Selection Sunday for the tourney. A prime example of God's humor. March is my favorite, yet least favorite month of all. Sports fan think of March as "March Madness"... I think of it as "Abigail's Birth Month!!!" cause that is what it is really all about =)!

Anyway, there are a collection of random thoughts for you... My life is going to get busier next month. Luckily I have a week to spend with family....and Tyler...and Tyler's family.


As Tyler would say...

Deuces.

Jason Mraz, Slumdog Millionaire, HOME!

Some great things:

-After four lonnnggg years of waiting Jason Mraz is finally returning to Tulsa!

-I bought Jason Mraz tickets this morning!

-Slumdog Millionaire FINALLY came back to Joplin after being here for a random weekend earlier this month.

-I saw it. And I loved it.

-I have raised around $2,000 for my trip to Cambodia!

-I think that God is going to let me be a part of something big.

-I had a meaningful conversation with a friend I haven't connected much with since last year... that was awesome.

-I have a really great boyfriend. I mean, REALLY great.

-I get to go home in two weeks and stay home for about 5 or 6 days!!!!

-I will be with my closest friends, college and high school. It's going to be amazing.

-I actually have motivation to do homework today! So I am going to do that.

There's an update!

Still My God

Two in one day, I know. crazy!! But I have regularly been checking itunes for a song I have been anticipating. Avalon sang this at the concerts we had back in December. It is a brand new song and it's so powerful, so I encourage you to at least purchase this song on itunes...it's so great and powerful and encouraging. But anyway, these are the lyrics to Still My God by Avalon.

Up and down
Like the tide is moving
In and out
We're in motion and the ocean pulls us under
And even there You're found
You never change
So I will sing...

If I'm standing on a mountain
Or drowning in a sea
If I am filled with hope
Or crying out for mercy
If I'm singing hallelujah
Or scared to make a sound
If I am learning how to walk
Or when I'm falling down
I'm saying You are still my God
Still my God

In a world
Where so much seems uncertain
You remain hope for the strong and broken
No matter where we are
You are never far
And nothing changes who You are

If I'm standing on the mountain
Or drowning in the sea
If I am filled with hope
Or crying out for mercy
If I'm singing hallelujah
Or scared to make a sound
When I am learning how to walk
Or when I'm falling down
I'm saying You are still my God
Jesus, you are still my God